Surrendering my all?

Surrendering my all?

God is awesome. before the camp i was sooo tired in my spirit. somehow, God was at the back of my mind, with all my busyness and stuff yet, he's so loving, understanding, forgiving and merciful. everytime i come back to Him, i felt refreshed. i was reminded that i'm holding on to so much. things that i don't want God to interfere. "God, you can have 30 mins of my time, the rest is mine" i'm not willing to give my all to Him yet. i want to accomplish things myself. i dont want to let go. i want to be bothered by things i love. but i ended up empty and weary. life seemed like a routine. occasional laughter with jovial friends, occasional mugging when time's near, occasional excitement in camps. things come and go. things don't last. never satisfied, i want more... i want to be involve in everything to live a what seems meaningful and purposeful life. in that way, i feel useful and needed. (maslow heirachy of needs- self esteem) prob, that's the reason i'm so involved in CCAs. but, i'm reminded that i need to surrender. only if i'm willing to obey and listen to Him then He can lead me and guide me to things that are best for me, since He created me, He know me best. so i'm just so grateful He never gave up on me all along, even when i stray away, when i'm not focused and my ultimate purpose is distracted by things around me. like a loving father, he waits for his son. no matter how bad his son has turned into, the moment his son turn back and say he's sorry, the father will still embrace him in his loving arms. i used to wonder why can't He just control my life and make me follow Him than to let me decide whether to follow Him. afterall, He is God, He can do anything He wants. then i realised that if He were to do that, then i'll just be as good as a robot. He wants to let me have a choice to follow Him and allow Him to be in my life or not to follow Him and live my own life. but i know He made me to be more than just a robot. "Greater love has no one than this, than to lay down one's life for his friends. You are my friends if you do what I command you. No longer do I call you servants, for a servant does not know what his master is doing; but I have called you friends, for all things I have heard from My Father, I made known to you." He made me, gave me what i have, and place me where i am for a purpose. i know if i continue to abide in Him, He will show me what He created me for. like bill bright and many others that God has used them mightily. they are the ones with hearts so pure, they abide in God, follow His commandments and who seeks God's hearts and desire instead of their own. btw, bill bright is the founder of campus crusade. He was a rich man, owning companies. one day, he recieved Christ. his life was impacted and from then on, his passion is to tell others about Jesus. then he met the girl of his dreams. he was married. but he focused too much on ministry, preaching and telling others abt Jesus that he neglected his wife, vonette. vonette felt neglected and decided talk to him about it. that night, both of them prayed in their own seperate rooms. both of them felt that God want them to surrender their lives totally. when they met after praying, they came together and signed a contract to totally surrender their lives to God. soon after, bill bright felt a desire to start reaching people in campuses and that's how campus crusade came about. now, campus crusade is growing and many, many lives have been impacted, touched and changed, like myself... bcos of a man who's willing to surrender his life to His creator. Although he's not around on earth anymore, but i thanked God for Him. really. vonette's still around though if you might be interested. she's in London. :) (i tried searching yahoo abt bill bright and found this: http://chi.gospelcom.net/DAILYF/2002/10/daily-10-19-2002.shtml)