heh. its been awhile i've been updating. haha. been enjoying myself... ha. i love camps. esp, christian camps. even though you are tired physically, there's somthing inside you tt's being renewed and refreshed. And that's probably the thing i need. not an emotional high or an excitement for a few days but really, a touch from God. i thank God for all the things i've went thru and that i was made a stronger and mature person inside.

it started of with 18 dec to 24 dec. well. just to share the main thing that i brought home, that is faith. faith to trust, faith to pray, faith to believe. i may seem to be a very devoted christian, being involve in this and that and going to church every week. but it doesn't mean i have lotsa faith. it is natural to have faith in the things that we can see. but the bible says, 'blessed is the man who have faith in the things that he cannot see'. even though i want to have faith in the things i can't see, i find it hard. so by God's grace, He miraculously add unto me faith. how? through God. heh. God uses experience and sermons.

first, i felt a burden to pray for my friend who's having blocked ears but i didnt dare to go upfront and pray for her. so happen that the sermon is about the Holy Spirit. from 1 corinthains 2:3-5, "I was with you in weakness, in fear, and in trembling. And my speech and my preaching were not with persuasive words of human wisdom, but in demostration of the spirit and of power, that your faith should not be in the wisdom of men but in the power of God". i learnt that when i pray, it is not about whether my prayers are answered. As long as i'm righteous before God and ask, i'm depending on the Holy Spirit's power, not my power. so i neednt worry if she will be healed or not. it is just simply taking the step of faith, relying on His power and leaving the results to God. and that experience and word itself just added me faith. thank God. God still choose to heal her in the end though i didnt step forward.

2 other thing that God used to give me faith. one was when we prayed for sun so we could have our sports day and on the 20th, for the first time of the camp, we saw sun. when we reached west coast park, we saw dark clouds but amazingly, the area that we used, just that area, had sun shining so brightly that most of us had sunburn. though we had sunburn but still we thank God cos if the sun wasn't strong enough, the ground would be so much muddier. only after we've finished the games and was getting on the bus, it rained again. the 2nd thing was this. we would experience blackouts every night after service. my pastor thought it could be more than just things that seemed to happen. he believed its spiritual attacks from the evil one. so that night we prayed cos we really needed the lights to take our group photo. again, amazingly, one by one, the lights in the hall was litted up. 500 over campers witnessed the 2 incident that happened.

then 24, 25 dec i was in kids ministry. since none of my friends can make it for the retro christmas party, i've no excuse not to go down kids ministry to help.

26 to 30 dec was another camp. indeed, as the name, "metamorphosis" suggest, it is a life-transforming camp. frankly speaking, i didnt enjoyed the 1st day. the programs are great, awesome, fun, funny, all positive but it's my heart that wasn't right. have you ever been to a place with great, fun-loving ppl, nice shows, nice everything. you smile, you laugh but it's just for that moment? somehow, there's still this down feeling deep inside you despite everything else that's going on around you? indescribable. but thank God it last only for a day. cos that night itself, i just poured out everything to God and prayed that He will help me to enjoy the camp and that i will not harden my heart to everything that's happening around me.

sure enough, day 2's morning session spoke right into my heart. as the sermon goes... following Jesus will cost us... it will cost us our rights, our relationships, our riches... as the speaker goes sharing about how he grumbled and complained when he was involved in a camp by his own kind will when he can choose not to be involve. He started complaining to God when people are not only unappreciative of his help, yet blamed him for the things that went wrong, when in the first place, he wasn't even responsible for the camp. And God spoke to him, showing him that he haven't really surrendered his all to God, especially his rights to serve God despite circumstances, although he made a commitment to God that he wants to surrender his life to God and often pray that God can use him. it was the same situation for me. as all of you know i was physically tired from the camp on 18-24dec and once back, my bro ask me to take over him in some kids ministry work. though reluntant, i still went. inwardly, i haven't surrendered my rights to God. rights of resting, rights of choosing not to serve... inside me, i was complaining so much. i even missed the retro christmas party to help out in kids ministry. i feel that i have many, many rights. though outwardly i seemed surrendered, inwardly i'm not. thus when i came to this camp as an ATL... i came with a tired and complainy attitude and God know just the right words i needed to hear at the right time. of course it was so much better when i surrendered myself to God again and cast all my cares upon him. by doing that, i'm not working by my own strength but by the Holy Spirit's power. It is a miracle seeing the team unite and enjoying each other. It is simply relying on His power. i thank God for such kind, loving, sincere and merciful team i had.

3rd day was amazing! we went to the streets to evangelise, despite our fears and everything, we lay it before God and went by the power of the Holy Spirit. i guess many ppl do not want to hear the gospel is bcos many thought that we are trying to: 1) brain wash them, 2) persuade/force/pull/harrass them till they become Christians like how some salesman would do. 3) they think Christians are a bunch of selfish ppl who only thinks their religon is the only way. 1 & 2 is definately out although some Christian still do. i think we need to know that it is not by us that ppl are save but simply by God's power. we can't force the truth down their throats. 3 is partially correct. we do think that Christ is the only way but our only reason for telling others is really out of love than selfish desires. it is so more can be save. take for example, if i found a place that gives a BMW car as freebie, would i not tell all my friends, perhaps even everyone i see on streets about the good news? yea. at the same time we do understand that ppl have their own say, own sets of doubts and questions about Christianity so we do respect them as well. actually many of us Christian started of like that too. well, so you do have your right to reason, and that leads me to: right to reason, check it out! -> http://www.everystudent.com.sg/right2reason. anw, back to sharing of faith. amazingly God placed many different ppl in my path! 1st, a maid, then a construction worker who's smoking, then a road sweeper and then 2 malays who's smoking behind the alley. thank God i had experiences with smokers. i have friends who smoke but honestly i almost choke cos the smoke went right into my face! i tried not to show as far as possible... still, i'm glad they are open about it after i told them that i'm just sharing my faith.

after everything, somehow i had a desire to find out more about Christianity myself so that i can answer their questions and also be more credible about what i'm believing. God has indeed shown me all that i need to put my faith in Him and have allowed me to experience Him more. but not everyone have experienced God like i do. Some need prove, some need evidence, reason and credibility to believe.

Well, God can control everything in the world except our freewill. He can allow things to happen, place ppl in our life to show us or tell us some truths about God himself but ultimately, it is still our choice. How can He touch us if we never allowed Him to come into our hearts? "Today if you hear my voice, do not harden you hearts..." (Heb 3:15)

Anw, i thoroughly enjoyed the camp! all the magic shows, skits... korean dramas- rain vs. amos (LOL), da chang jing... and the two fun-loving emcees, my team... had a talk with sara and learnt sth frm her. though as young as she is, she taught me to look at ppl beyond their faces and to really hear their heart... yea. and we had wonderful workshops, wonderful sermons, wonderful worship... more than that, i thank God i met HIM.

and you may think, all stories have a happy ending huh? nah... when i came back, i had 2 days of rest and sch starts. the worst thing is, i had a theory test and i totally forgot till 1plus in the morning when my friend was asking me abt the test thru msn and i was like, "huh, what test?" truthfully, i panicked even though my msn nick writes, "in God i trust"-> so contradicting. oh, thank God for msn, thank God for jane, thank God for friends who chat with me till so late. haha. lol. anw, as i calmed down, i decided to commit it to God in prayer. i told God, "i know its my responsibility to remember and study so i would bravely face the consequences of my actions but please help me to remember all that i have studied in this short period of time i still have... i'll do all that i can for Your glory" so ya... if my results is bad, it is my due consequence... but if i manage to pass, it is by God's grace and His glory, i take no credit cos i spend less than 1 or 2 hours studying. i tried to study more but i fell asleep.

i thank God for the change in me. i guess in the past i would prob blame God, blame the camp, blame the test that's set on the 1st day of sch, blame my friends who didnt tell me earlier, blame everything except me. i see myself now grow and mature in God. My life is really God's answered prayer to those who are praying for me, esp my mum... as some might know, my character had a 360 degrees change. i think it's hard to believe how i was like when i was young. Ask my mum, she'll be so very excited to tell u. haha.

Well, that's it for the day.