procastination?

when procastination gets a hold on me

i thought i could live without God for just a day,
and a day,
and a day,
and 2 weeks passed...

i ignored that still, small voice...

no matter how weak i am, i thought i could get back up again like i always do with God

but this time, i've never let God bring me back
"God wait, i'll talk to u & hear frm u after this show... it's too exciting to miss", then after the show i'll go, "God, wait, i need rest, i'll talk to u & hear frm u tmr k" & it goes on day after day.

i gave myself self-motivation but it was futile.
no matter how i've wasted my time today, i'll always tell myself to spend my time wisely tmr but when tmr comes, i repeat what i did today

i can b happy for awhile but what's deep inside which i nvr want to bother would still take control at times.

the feeling of happiness seems temporal & meaningless, like chasing after the wind.

things that was once dimmed in the light now becomes tempting for thought.
oh, how i missed the times...

a part of me so much wanted to let go and let God but the other part says, it's ok, i can still handle these myself.

but i'm glad all these come to an end. i thank God for stressors so strong that i couldn't take it anymore. it crushed my spirit and breaks me down so i can really come back to God as nothing, realising my fragility, my weaknesses.

how true...

"The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit."

Psalms 34:18

i'm humbled once again. humbled enough to admit that i need God. humbled enough to ask others to pray for me. humbled enough to recieve His grace.

it is in time like this that i find Him so real & true to His promise. He said, "i will never leave you nor forsake you" hebrews 13:5

thanks bro & sis for praying for me. you can't imagine how God have worked thru you!

do cont, to keep me in prayer. pray that God will break my stronghold of procastination. pray that i'll have a diligent spirit. that i'll be patient and hold on to His promise. for faith to allow Him to work thru me. for a humble and pure heart, being righteous and blameless... walking upright in Him, living a life that pleases Him. oh, & a prayer i'd used to always pray... that if i go astray from Him, He will bring me back to Him. i do not want to harden my hearts and forget God like the Isrealites but to always remember His goodness & faithfulness in my life.

Dear Heavenly Father, i thank You for Your promise that if we confess our sins, You are faithful and just to forgive us and cleanse us of all unrighteousness. I thank You that You are not some distant and cold God that gives us rules and regulations to follow but You are a God that wants us to do good yet also understand the fragility and weaknesses of human. Each time we fail, You said, "My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is made perfect in your weakness." thank You for Your faithfulness. thank You for comforting me, encouraging me, strengthening me, and moulding me. thank You for using ppl ard me to be a blessing to me. thank You for answering my prayers as well as prayers of my bro & sis. thank You for bringing me back to You... i'm ever so grateful

full of thanks*