haha. its been a week since sch started. well, it seems like time really passes very quickly during the recent break. 3 weeks of st johns and 1 week in china. well, its been really tedious and draining physically, mentatlly, spiritually and emotionally when com training became intensive, adding on, parental objections. well, results wasn't satisfying as well. i placed sj as my priority those weeks instead of God. to look a little positive, the only satisfying thing was i enjoyed my girls very much and became much closer to them thru all these.

anw, when the trip is drawing nearer, i felt unprepared physically, mentatlly, spiritually and emotionally. 24th finished com, had dinner and went home late, was very tired and disheartened, 25th was team meet, 26th packed and 27th dawn flying off? this is my most unprepared trip! didnt even inform most ppl that i'm leaving. i felt very unsettled. i felt like i've been rushing from places to places and haven't quietened down myself before God. i felt faithless and without strength then. felt so far from God. i know i needed God during the trip definately cos it's gonna be a tough one. i felt like i have nth to give the ppl over there. but i'm glad we had team meet on 25th. and i'm glad we prayed for one another.

well, first day was rather tired. wanted to sleep in the hotel when some of the team went to buy some last min stuff but ended up talking most of the time. haha. but i'm glad we did so. i ended up sharing how i was so changed and impacted over the last 2 trips and hearing from another girl how her life was so changed by God too. suddenly, i felt so encouraged by my own sharings as well as from the other girl. i thank God that He reminded me once again how He has been so real in my life before. At once, I realised that even though I left him for my own desires like getting a champ for sj fa com, yet He has never left me and never let me go... no matter how i strayed, He still loved me. Thank God for His unconditional love. i was touched, encouraged and strengthened, knowing that my God is still with me! At this point i was reminded that God doesnt need our service. He is not interested at what we can give (ultimately all we have is His) but He is more interested in our growth. We had dinner at a local missionary's home. Upon entering, we could really feel the love of God in his family, their warmth and sincerity touches our hearts. His wife shared about how God showed them this place that they do not even know and how God led them there. Their hometown was very far from China. They did not wanted to go at first but after much comfirmation from God, they gave up good paying jobs and obeyed God's calling. It was encouraging how they seek God in their decision making process and how God sustained and provided for whatever they needed as they trusted God and looked beyond their uncertainties.

The second day, we travelled around 6-7 hours through unpaved roads, 2800m above sea level, up the mountains into the village. it was like an OSIM (bumpy roads!) ride. but i was amazed at God's creation. i literally exclaimed! i had a singing partner in the van and we hear from one another how our lives were so changed and how we came to know and believed God. i was encouraged by what God has done in her life as well as her family, how she realised her dad was changed after he believed, how her usual symtoms of overseas illness just dissapear during this trip! it was so amazing! occasional stopover for toilet breaks exposed us to some "wow" toilets. no cubicles. only walls at the height of your waist between each squatty. and it had a wow smell. :) anw, upon reaching, we headed for lunch. a late lunch. (hungry!). then, it was the start of our clinic, english classes and hygiene talk. i was helping out at the clinic. but i felt i was very mechanical, like i wasn't really doing it with love but rather bcos it was a task. So that night i thank God for the opportunity to had a long talk with Him one to one, i was really pouring out what was within me and i realised that my heart was hardened. i prayed and ask God to soften my heart again and that His love will flow thru me to the children.

The third day was a diff experience! I felt love for the children. at the same time, i was also burdend bcos they did not know God. The God who created them and loved them for who they are and wants to have a personal relationship with them, the God who can give them life and peace and joy in their spirits and the God who saves. We prayed for them, trusting God to harvest these seeds of love one day. The day passed quickly. We enjoyed their enthusiasm and willingness to learn, even their thankfulness to little gifts we gave them. The docs were great too, patiently, gently, they loved each one of them by their actions. When we were leaving, we heard the kids calling our names and waving from afar. We waved back. My heart melted. We wanted to stay longer but we had to leave. Concurrently there were also some spiritual warefare going on. Some ppl fell sick and some discouraged (this is definately not from God). Of cos, we had our weapons- Prayer. Jesus's name is powerful. Everything was fine again. Thank God! That night we got to hear from another local missionary too. He shared about how he recieved Christ and how his life was changed. Though he had a good paying job too, but he felt that life wasnt satisfying. He shared how God had brought him to a place and how God placed a burden in his heart. As he was sharing with us that burden, many of us cried (girls and guys alike) bcos we felt it in our hearts so strongly too. it couldn't be us, such great compassion filled our hearts. God allowed us to experience His burden for His people. we prayed for them.

Fourth day, after we had finished screening the whole sch, we went to another village. it was a much smaller school so we had much more interactions like playing "eagles catch chicken? (in chi)", asking them to teach us some songs (they are an enthusiastic lot!), table tennis, etc. toilets conditions was worse but we managed to survive.:) we skipped lunch, had energy bars and travelled back to the city. again, 7-8 hours. this time i had cramps. i prayed and sleep. half-asleep. i seemed to be able to hear ppl talking. but when i woke up the pain is gone, totally. back to hotel- sleep.

Fifth. we went to watch panda!!! so so so so so cute! wasnt really fond of them till i see the real ones! haha. took lotsa funny pic. even there, i saw a sunday sch song lyrics printed on a banner, "All things bright and beautiful, all creation big and small, all things wise and wonderful... the Lord God made them all" erm of course the last sentence was replaced with dots. but it was still encouraging, knowing that God is working all around. We had dinner with the local Christians and had an awesome time hearing about how they know God and how their lives was changed. It's amazing how God can even work in a communist country. Some of us went home visit too. A new believer having doubts and doesnt understand y things happened the way it is. i realized that i was very fearful bcos i wasnt fluent in my Chinese language. but i prayed that we will not just sit there and do nth, but God will use us to encourage the ppl there too. by His power and grace, through His Holy Spirit, He used us and gave us the words to say and pray.

Sixth, we attended an international church where we worshipped God together with people around the globe. met a few singaporeans too. we had lunch at the local missionary's house again! we swept the plates clean this time round! we had a little sharing session and even at that place, many of us were touched and we teared again. i could only attribute that to the fact that the spirit of God had softened and moved our hearts because most of us would have hardened our hearts as we grew up but even adults hearts were softened. The team consisted of students from diff campuses as well as working adults, eg, doctors, sociologist, early childhood teacher... it is amazing how we were bonded and united through Christ. i also realised that there are humble, nice docs ard too, very unlike the ones i usually met in the wards. anw, we went to rest and relax after that but its only a few hours and we are back at the airport heading home. no time for dinner too. thank God for snikers bar! haha. the flight food suddenly seems so yummy! :) oh another thing, we bonded with the drivers who drove us ard too and this particular driver whom i'm quite fond of actually gave each and everyone of us a panda bear!!! now i love both panda and pooh!!! haha :)

overall, i'm glad to have the privilege of catching a glimpse of how God is working and moving in china and how He loved the china people too! As much as we give, i felt so much more blessed to recieve so much too. I'm thankful also for the missionaries and local christains in china. usually i would only be able to read about such great lives and testimonies on books but this time i really got to hear from them and see how their lives are changed! i see their surrendered lives and willingness to please God. many people may say that they have sacrificed much but i'm sure that they will say they are so much more blessed and so much richer! just like how i thought i shouldnt have signed up for this trip looking at my schedule but God has blessed me so much more and made me richer as i took this step of faith to trust him! As i touched down in spore, i was physically tired but i spitritually strong in God and emotionally still excited! so, i went thru the first day of attachment on the day i touched down! thank God i went thru it. i thought i would fall asleep or sth.

When i'm back, sad to say, i was caught up with the business of life again. though i'm so much better at organising my time now (cos of this skill i've learnt as a leader in crusade) but i realised i ended up being more task focused than God focused. i didnt wanted it to be this way. i really want to deepen in my relationship with God but sometimes the urgency of things just made me sacrifice the time with God. thank God he made me realised, that when this happens, i missed the whole point of doing what i'm doing. so i decided to talk to God about it. this time he was silent but later he brought me to a verse in Romans 7:14-15, "We know that the law is spiritual; but I am unspiritual, sold as a slave to sin. I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do." even Paul struggled with his sinful nature. but he showed us why this happens later in Romans 8:5-8, "Those who live according to the sinful nature have their minds set on what that nature desires; but those who live in accordance with the Spirit have their minds set on what the Spirit desires. The mind of sinful man is death, but the mind controlled by the Spirit is life and peace; the sinful mind is hostile to God. It does not submit to God's law, nor can it do so. Those controlled by the sinful nature cannot please God." How timely this passage came! It ans my qns! the reason why i do not feel like spending time with God is bcos of my sinful nature or most ppl says, human nature. it made me realised that i am not spirit-filled or not always controlled by the spirit even though i thought i am. it some ways, i am still carnal. so i confessed to God and asked him to change me to really do what the Spirit pleases, that my heart will be so tender towards God and that i will be able feel what He's feeling.

Today i learnt something too, in 1 corinthians 1:26-31"Brothers, think of what you were when you were called. Not many of you were wise by human standards; not many were influential; not many were of noble birth. But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong. He chose the lowly things of this world and the despised things—and the things that are not—to nullify the things that are, so that no one may boast before him. It is because of him that you are in Christ Jesus, who has become for us wisdom from God—that is, our righteousness, holiness and redemption. Therefore, as it is written: "Let him who boasts boast in the Lord." I think its so true for me and for many of the christian leaders. we were not some wise, influential ppl at first but God is continually moulding us and making us grow even as we choose to trust him. He gave us so much more than we gave Him. I felt that I've grown so much in thinking, in life, in love, in speech, in skills, in wisdom, in knowledge, in character, in attitudes, in just every area of my life! Recently God has also showed me that I haven't been fully using the things that He have given me. He gave me books and notes and wonderful, helpful friends yet i did not bother to study, except a day before. i've always thought that results is not impt, what matters is relationships and making a diff in ppl's lives, etc. i was active in other ppl's lives. thank God, by His grace, i still mangaed to pass. He has sustained me all these while and made me realised that he placed me here to study in a timely year 3, the critical year! Thank God! He showed me through this mission trip how useful medical knowledge can be. Everything in His plan has a purpose. Even as He has given me so much, I will use them for His glory!

haha... wow i didnt realise it is so late now. i got too excited writing and got carried away! haha...

salute to you if you are able to read this far... haha.

i'm so rich!*

in His love... :)