After attending Dr Dennis Seow's talk on Dementia, I finally know that I can connect to people having Alzheimer's disease as well! I'm quite elated! Well, all these while, I always feel that I couldnt connect to them and couldnt do much in their lives except cleaning, feeding and preserving their lives as long as possible. I've quite given up hope that they even know what I'm doing- loving them and taking care of them. They always seemed to be in their own world... not until I saw how a severely demented old lady responded to genuine love- someone who's willing to get into their world and be connected to them. It's just so... inspiring.

Thank God for ans my prayers- for teaching me how to love this grp of ppl. May I continue to learn how to love people as much as you loved them, no matter how different they are from me and how difficult it is for me to understand their actions.

Jesus loves me this I know, for the bible tells me so. Little ones to Him belong, they are weak but He is strong. Yes, Jesus loves me, Yes, Jesus loves me, Yes Jesus loves me, for the bible tells me so!

He's got the whole world in His hands!

I really couldnt figure out why certain things happened in life but I'm still trusting in His sovereignty. Perhaps its a reminder for me not to procastinate or to say what i really wanna say and to do what i really wanna do, to just be free. Perhaps it's a reminder to make the full use of every opportunity, of every second that was given to me or probably it's urging me to be focued on the major.

I won't stop
Never gonna stop praising
Everyday You'll be my Number One
Jesus, Jesus,
My Number One!

Kids Camp was fun. I think I enjoyed having the kids on my laps, hugging them and loving them, talking to them and being loved by them. And you know what? I did the very same thing to my Daddy God back home, sat on His lap, allowing Him to hug me, talked to Him, asked Him qns, listening to Him ans my qns and thanking Him for sustaining me (i read my roster wrongly, i thought the first day of camp was my slping day but its not! my 2nd nite was the 1st day of camp! its too last min to say i cant make it, so, i prayed and ask God for strength. He knows all things I'm sure, even my blurness and my mistakes. Anw, The only time i felt sleepy was the few hrs during work. But aft the 1/2 hr "toilet rest", I'm up! I experience Him as my strength and all knowing God! :)

As the sun goes up and it's going back down
No i'll never back down from living for you my God
I'm living the truth my God

As time goes by and the seasons change
No, i'll never change my love for you my God
My hope in you my God
I'm living for you my God

I'm so, so, so, overwhelmed by God's grace and His UNCONDITIONAL LOVE.
I'm overjoyed. Euphoric, someone said.
High without alcohol!

Jesus, Lover of my soul
Jesus, I will never let you go
You've taken me, from the miry clay
You've set my feet upon the rock and now I know

I love you,
I need you,
Though my world my fall, I'll never let you go.
My Saviour, My closest friend,
I will worship you until the very end...

Thanks for Your voice of truth!
I'm set free.

:)

REPLIES TO TAGGGS!

Davin: Night shift? Wahaha. My nite shift is from 9pm-7.30am you sleep so late??
Serena: Thanks! :)
Desmond: Thanks :)
Kam: Thanks, hope to meet you and jiao at nyp. haha. :)
yy: Thanks, nu er! :)
ShiQi: qi, i like it alot. i didnt expect it. i listen to it once i reached hm. N am still reading the book. Thanks so much! :)

I'M TWENTY FIRST! :)



I'm so glad I had AL, I really need rest and retreat.

I like this:
Joey: SO, how old are you this year?
Me: What do you think?
Joey: Nineteen.
Me: HAHAHAHA! THANKS! :)

Maybe bcos I dont dress UP and make UP. Well, but I enjoyed looking younger. It's not fun being an adult afterall. Missed school. Missed long hols and camps. Missed retreats and service. Missed mission trips. I've been making lots of mistakes recently and just felt so lousy. Not only that, I've seen very hypocritical ppl and I'm scared somtimes. I find it hard to trust ppl. And I doubt God just as easily. I really feel so hopeless at work sometimes. How could these ppl believe in true love, in a God who loved them when they are so hypocrite. They would probably think I'm nice so that I can trick them to church or sth. And, sometimes, ppl just don't care. An eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth. That's what I'm taught now. "Hey, shuyan, kindness don't pay off" Well, I can't blame them. I realise the world is cruel and full of evil. I know, the bible says so. And some ppl jus experienced it earlier than I do. I grew up in a place full of love, realness, and openness. A place full of grace, and forgiveness. A place where ppl really do care. And i MISSED that place. ALOT. sometimes, i feel like i'm being sucked into the "culture". I get depressed at my own weaknesses. I don't wanna give without loving. I don't wanna cover mistakes which I made. I don't wanna not care anymore. But, I do. I'm so dissapionted with myself and I think I dissapointed God too. I really dunno how to "survive" being a light in the darkness. I feel that my lamp is flickering. And I'm sad, admist all my happiness.

I cried to God on my 21st birthday in my secret.

AND I am really happy as well, I really didnt know I would be so happy to have surprises. I've always thought it's like any other day. There's no need to celebrate. I only wanted to save those ppl I know would celebrate for me the time and effort of planning and brainstorming. so, I organised it myself. But surprises still came. PKC peeps, I really hear your heart behind the surprises. Though I guessed it, but well, it really made my day full of laughter! I've been laughing to myself throughout the journey. And actually, it's quite fun being sabo-ed. that's just nice. Too much will have undesirable effects. And to my nyp classmates, you made me laugh till i cry. i didnt guessed it at all. And I really love it. I love strawberry! And the necklace too. And, the amazing thing is that I really love this year's presents. I'm touched. It's all things that I wanted but cos I don't need them, I jus forget abt them. God remembered. All of you really made my day. Been laughing to myself alot too. HAHAHAHA. HUGS! :)

Thanks for all the wishes and prayers! Seriously, it made my day.

Anw, I really feel I dont deserve it. So often I forgot abt ppl's birthday, missed their celebrations for some reasons. And often had to wish ppl belated birthday. I'm probably not a very good friend to ppl but I have very good friends. I'm blessed!

And for those who forgot or didnt say happy birthday, it's okay! I always do... don't go on a guilt trip. What matters most is the friendship.

Anw, there are still ppl i wanna meet up with.

God, revived again my heart today to love YOU and people.

Dance, sing, play, work, love, think, in my secret...
Let my only audience be You- My Dad, my King, my beloved, my friend :)

Odie: :) i'm okay with Daddy! i'm blessed with Him!
Kamsiah: i want to go nyp! :)
Eileen Ong: MEET UP! :)
jincheng: i will. :)
serena: ok, linked. :)
zarifah: love you! :)
christina: my friend uploaded in my fb. :)

Expectations.
It's sth i'm trying to meet everyday
Reasonable, unreasonable, possible, impossible.

So what if...
i dont,
i missed it,
i failed?

who do i hear?

People
Self or
GOD.

Now I see why it all happened. The harsh words from ppl. It made me realise who am I really listening to all these while. Whoose words is it that really mattered to me most. I listened again, it wasn't Daddy's voice. He reminded me to hear Him.

I'm fine now, in fact, I AM JOYFUL! :)

HEY thanks KAMSIAH, ODIE and SUIYING!

I have lots to say to you but am tired physically.
Gotta clear my messy house abit too.
And get back on track.

God is good, all the time.
All the time, God is good.

=)

Anyone has the song first love?
It goes like:

My first love, forever You will be
My first breathe, You're the life in me...

and i forgot. but it ever ministered to me so deeply.
Yes, the time when He said, "i love you, i love you, i love..."

TOUCHED*

ANW, got a song to share. it's called Amazing Grace (My Chains are Gone) by Chris Tomlin. How true are the lyrics... how true. Jus read and ponder.

Amazing grace
How sweet the sound
That saved a wretch like me
I once was lost, but now I'm found
Was blind, but now I see
'Twas grace that taught my heart to fear
And grace my fears relieved
How precious did that grace appear
The hour I first believed

Chorus:
My chains are gone
I've been set free
My God, my Savior has ransomed me
And like a flood His mercy reigns
Unending love, Amazing grace

The Lord has promised good to me
His word my hope secures
He will my shield and portion be
As long as life endures

The earth shall soon dissolve like snow
The sun forbear to shine
But God, Who called me here below
Will be forever mine
Will be forever mine
You are forever mine

On a lighter note, had fun today at 5Cs. I enjoyed the unity, teamwork, collaboration and how we worked hard to beat records, fixing rojak puzzles and passing balls. HA! reminds me of st johns camps, overnight prayer, OBS! I think it's so smart of them to come up with games with a lesson behind. We did a cheer at the end. A funny and entertaining one. Enjoyed spending quality time too. And today it's with yajing at orchad. Lastly, buffet @ fumara- Fun with camera, food and of cos PEOPLE! I wouldn't pay for food, I wouldn't pay for camera but it's worth it for ppl... forget abt entertainment. I don't really fancy movies, kbox, clubbing, neoprints, buffet, shopping, chalets (ok, at least this is fun) but if I can understand another person better through all these then it's all worth it. (FYI: activities I fancy are swimming, running, walking, cooking, singing, play the guitar and cycling. that's it for now) One reason why I chose nursing is bcos its ppl orientated. My fav subjects at NYP then was DE social sciences. I admired social science lecturers. I enjoyed their lectures the most since year 1. I think they are wise. I think my NYPCCC leaders are wise too. They listen, then ask the right qns, and they just got the right words to say. You never felt like you are being judged. I desire to be like them. The only temptation then will be pride. OK, let's move back to reality. Right now, my prayers are: If I'm tempted to be task focused, help me choose to see my patients/collaugues as God's precious. If I'm tempted to envy, help me to be contented with what I have and to see His overflowing blessings. If am tempted to be self-centred, help me to be God-centered. And in time, never let pride hold me but fill me with His love and humility. Another secret desire I had... hahaha. don't laught k... is... to really know how to play the piano. I've been sitting on my dreams la. But it's not my priority now... so I'll continue to sit.

Sorry for the long chunk. I know its wordy, ppl are complaining but I get carried away. it's okay la, next time when I'm old I can read and re read and remember the days. right? Then I won't have early dementia! HAHAHA!

I enjoy the life that God has given me and I will treasure this time that I have.

I'm glad God allowed me to be junior most of the time. I can bring pts to shower, change their diapers, feed them, pour them a glass of water, cut their nails, doing a dressing, apply moisturising cream, smile at them, sayang them. That itself is such a great privilege for me to let God's love flow thru me. However, sometimes, being an in charge is inevitable. But, I hope I can spend minimal time on papers n tasks... pray that i'll work faster?

I'm glad also to have met up with my frrriennndds! Haha! God really blessed our meeting up! It's also a time when I got closer and more bonded to some girls at foundation programme. HEE! Thank God for the time.

Thank God for my collaugues too! Why are they always so so so funny? HAHAHAHA! It's really an interesting place to work in.

And thank God, He provided ALL I needed as I learnt to trust Him in my finances. Well, He provided more than just basic necessities. He provided my wants too! Like chocolates! I never thought my parents would buy choc for us.

Thank God, even as I see little yellow flowers on the way to work. It jus show how creative God can be. God's creations are beautiful and that means you and me too!

Thank God for surprises that makes life full of wonder. I saw xiao wanlin and weiguang at outram mrt! And then athens too!! He brought diff ppl into my life in he most unexpected circumstances!!

And I'm glad that He woke me up twice just in time for work. I haven't been late so far in these 5 months.

Thank God for sleep! Enough of sleep!
Psalms 127:2
It is vain for you to rise up early,
To sit up late,
To eat the bread of sorrows;
For so He gives His beloved sleep.

Thank God for the time with Him. And I sing... "I wouldn't change a thing, for there is nth else that last. I've been truly blessed, everyday I spent (with You) have been my best."

=)

Was listening to a sermon cd recently. It's abt how Satan always used the same tricks from the beginning. Let's see how he decieved Eve to eat the tree of good and evil.

Genesis 3
The Fall of Man

1 Now the serpent was more crafty than any of the wild animals the LORD God had made. He said to the woman, "Did God really say, 'You must not eat from any tree in the garden'?"

First, he plays with your mind. he fills your mind with doubt. "did God really say...".Look, he didn't say "did God really say you must not eat from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil" which seemed so obvious that he's trying to add doubt, instead, he said, "did God really say you must not eat from any tree in the garden". It's seemed as if he did not know and needs some guidance from Eve. So, let's see what eve said.

2 The woman said to the serpent, "We may eat fruit from the trees in the garden, 3 but God did say, 'You must not eat fruit from the tree that is in the middle of the garden, and you must not touch it, or you will die.' "

This was the exact command from God (Gen 2:17), "You are free to eat from any tree in the garden; 17 but you must not eat from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, for when you eat of it you will surely die". God didnt say you must not touch it. This only show that Eve do not know God's word well. And so, satan is able to decieve her.

4 "You will not surely die," the serpent said to the woman. 5 "For God knows that when you eat of it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil."

This is what we call half truths. It sounds like the truth but it's not really the truth. We will not die physially but we'll die spiritually (seperation from God). It's true that our eyes will be opened and we'll know good and evil. But I wished we never knew evil.

6 When the woman saw that the fruit of the tree was good for food and pleasing to the eye, and also desirable for gaining wisdom, she took some and ate it. She also gave some to her husband, who was with her, and he ate it. 7 Then the eyes of both of them were opened, and they realized they were naked; so they sewed fig leaves together and made coverings for themselves.

1John 2:16 For all that is in the world, the lust of the flesh, and the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life, is not of the Father, but is of the world. These three are the same temptations that Satan brought to Eve when she ate from the tree (Gen:3:6) and are the same temptations that Satan brought Jesus, and are the same temptations that Satan brings to all men.

For all that is in the world

1) the lust of the flesh
Eve saw that the tree was good for food
2) the lust of the eyes
Eve saw that the tree was good to look at
3) the pride of life
Eve saw the tree was to be desired to make one wise

i watched a disaster movie ytd, which i think it's kinda destructive to the mind. it's too violent and disgusting. i walked into the theartre not knowing what's the movie abt. i was quite tramautised. i can't believed this kind if show would be produced. it makes killing and lives seemed like nth. although it's jus for fun but it's not very funny. and when i went hm, the images of chips munks biting off flesh kept playing in my mind and it's quite distracting bcos i begin to be more aware of the presence of evil in this world, and ard me. i realised i'm fearful. i felt like i can't perform my activities of daily living in peace. Like when i'm alone or in the toilet, i'd feel that chipmunks r behind of me or sth.

Sth is wrong, I know cos God always gave me peace. I prayed. and once again i realised how big i see evil is. like it's bigger than God? Thank God for His reminder than He is bigger. I don't have to be afraid. In fact, in the name of Jesus, demons will have to flee. And God's peace upon came once again. Even when i'm brushing my teeth in the wee hrs of the morning, I know that God will never leave me nor forsake me.

So, i learnt, never walk into a theatre blindly. And, i never want to watch horror, violent movies bcos it always depicts that evil as if it's very big and these frail humans can do nth but scream and die. Well, it's true, if we are alone, we can only scream and be oppressed by evil. Only with God can we be safe, even to the point of death, we'll be awaiting angels... and awaiting to see our Heavenly Daddy's face. :)

Well, anw, I'm still glad to have met up with my friends at foundation class after so long! :)

Answered prayers:

-I was searching frantically for my bag for the past 15mins. Up and down, I can't find it!! i have to get out of the house by seven. I told God. please, if not i'll be late, pls open my eyes and let me see. I walked into the kitchen- the place I least thought I would find it and it was there. And then 39 came just abt a min aft i reached the bus stop. Whooh.

-I haven't been preparing for games at kids church the whole week bcos of these emotional ups and downs. I didn't start preparing or brainstorming the moment I went down. I went to the toilet just to pray. God, I know it's kinda late but you are able to do all things and it is for your children sake, not for myself nor my reputation. It's for your glory. I went into the backstage, stared at the stuff and got the toilet rolls and rifia strings. God provided the manpower. The kids enjoyed it. I know it's God.

-My younger brother went church again!

-My mum went for mission trip!

1 Peter 2:9

But you are a chosen generation, a royal preiesthood, a holy nation, His own special people, that you may proclaim the praises of Him who called you out of darkness into His marvelous light.

Well, my blog has come thus far and many a times, I felt like I'm just sharing superficial stuffs bcos I felt that certain things is too personal to share to so many ppl and so I'll scribble in my journal. But no longer do I want to be so but I want to be upright, front and honest. I wanna proclaim not abt me but the praises of Him who has called me out of darkness into His marvelous light.

Yes, Eddison. I've backslided or whatever you wanna call that. Basically that is leaving the presence of God and my vision was unclear. I didn't see God. I saw a world of wickedness and without hope, I saw life is meaningless- beauty, fame, wealth, power is like chasing aft the wind. It isn't worth spending so much time and energy chasing aft it. i mean some ppl spend their whole life/80% of their time on such when everybody will go back to earth one day. At that pt, what is beauty to you? what is fame, or wealth? Everyone will still end up the same- RIP. So why bother, why try so hard? why struggle so much? life is hard you know. It's cruel sometimes. Even r/s can be superficial. I saw how ppl was nice to some ppl and then talked behind their backs. The world is so diff from what I grew up in. Sometimes, I find it hard to trust. Do you know what I felt like doing then? 2 things came to my mind. One, to end my life. two, to find someone to live for, and to have someone to love me for who I am, I mean not to like me bcos I am lovely, fun to be with, kind helpful, etc. But whatever it is to love me. If I can't find option two, I'll go to option one. And I really thought option two was impossible on this earth, after seeing so much of human hearts and intentions... I prob say I was depressed, though I smiled. Hahahaha. alot. I have to... bcos I have to work. You gotta smile and work even when you cry.

So why am I still here. That's God's grace. Seriously. You know what I missed most during my depressed moments? I rem how blessed I was in Him, how happy I was when I'm with Him, how loved I was. I missed God. ALOT. I can't seemed to go back to Him. I've avoided church bcos I don't feel like sharing such stuff. I felt like no one would understand. I don't wanna be a hypocrite. I don't read the bible cos everytime I flipped open the bible, i seemed so lost, like it's not speaking in my situation... well, or maybe i'm not hearing and when i tried to pray... it's lamenting. But deep, deep inside I want God... I want Him.

And I told you God pursued me. How? He can't speak thru the bible cos i'm not even reading, He can't speak thru church, cos I'm not even attending, He can't get through me cos my thoughts are so consumed with bitterness instead of Him. What did He do? He showed His amazing love thru a sis. She sat down and listen though I can't even describe what I'm feeling. Bits and pieces here and thr, yet she still listened. She saw the tears, she just prayed. It's really not abt what she had done but that act in itself, I saw God. I saw He never gave up on me. I saw how I was worthy of His time that he would sent someone to listen to me. i saw how He loved me even though I haven't done anything worthy. I felt God's love so overwhelming and assuring. And it didn't end there.

God assured me of His love again today. You know as most girls would, sometimes, i would think how nice it is to have a bf, esp everyone ard you is having one. But I know I live for God and trust that he will provide and meet all my needs. Today, during worship, I felt that He said I love you more than any guy would. and then at the end of the service, His voice was so clear. I love you, I love you, I love you... Man... I was so touched. I felt so blessed again, so, so, so, so (x1000) blessed to be in His presence.

In summary, this skit really, really describe my life and His love. Oh, how I was so unworthy yet He went all out for me-> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cyheJ480LYA

Imagine if I never experience God in my life, would I even missed God? Would I ever desire to be back in His presence? I won't cos I don't know how its is like. i won't know what it is like to have joy and hope and love. If i had not known... I'd prob not be on earth anymore for nth on earth is worth living for.

I hope the whole world knows and experience Him. It's not abt diff beliefs and such. Its abt knowing the ONE who breathe life into your nostrils, the ONE who loved you.

i can't sleep! post night syndrome! haha.

BUT...

i'm happy! full of JOY
i found my purpose again
i actually felt so blessed
i felt complete

nth else matters as much.

I'm glad that God hasnt leave me nor forsake me during this period of time when i've allowed unholiness to set in in my life. In fact, He pursues me and loved me. Im touched. There was a period of time, not long ago when I find that everything is so so meaningless. I felt so, so, so, so tired of life. It's those subtle little sins that took captive of my thoughts that causes me to loose my focus, like being envious of what other ppl may have? Really wished I could do my work efficiently, wished i could multi-task well like how some ppl could. I felt I can't meet the expectations of my superiors even though I tried. I didn't trust Him that all things work for the good of those who loved Him and are called acc to His good purpose. But He never gives up on me. The Healthcare family meeting was God-sent, and just in His timing, i'm morning shift. Serena and Carol could go together with me is His divine appt, and the team meet, the prayers and huihui... thank you God... I can't thank you enough. Indeed, it is your love that restores me. Living for you is the only meaningful thing to do because one day everything is gonna go but You and Your word will stand forever. That's all that matters.

Complete - Parachute Band

Here I am, Oh God
I bring this sacrifice--my open heart.
I offer up my life.

I look to You, Lord
Your love that never ends
Restores me again

So I lift my eyes to you Lord
In your strength will I break through Lord
Touch me now, let your love fall down on me
I know your love dispels all my fears.

Through the storm I will hold on Lord
And I pray I will hold on, Lord
Then I'll see beyond my calvary one day
And I will be complete in You

Encouragement

How many times have I broken Your heart,
Still You forgive if only I ask...

Countless times, I know.
But His overwhelming grace and love never fails to draw me back to Him.

Even in those times when I'm most away from Him.

I saw how He graciously saved me from stupid mistakes that could have cost me so much trouble.

The times when I always have food to bring to work.

The times when I woke up just in time for work, even when I switched off my alarm.

He still ans my prayers- re: my bro, my mom, my work matters.

I've had enough for this month

He encouraged me thru the Healthcare meeting.

He is still faithful even when I'm not.

But I'm coming back...

Back to Your heart.

Thank You Lord.

hey ppl, found this (http://www.smilegodlovesyou.org/GodLovesYou.html) interesting site when I googled, "smile, God loves you!"

Hello sara, it's nice to hear from you again! yea. marshmallow, I was in the midst of clearing my room and saw so many of your handmade gifts and notes that you have encouraged me with. It just made me smile widely. :) It's just a blessing having you.

Sarizan, haha, yea, same here. Miss you! :)

Davin, His thoughts are always higher than ours. I trust in His timings. :)
Miss you guys loaddds too!!

Xue Er: Sure! we can always meet up at NYP! :)