dear taggers, i feel so warm coming here cos of ur taggs sometimes.
dwl: :)
yunz: its meaningful too. glad u enjoyed it =)

Proverbs 3:12

because the LORD disciplines those he loves,
as a father the son he delights in.

had a bad day today. was being showered with scoldings but beyond that, i realised many things (maybe i've realised them long ago but wasnt that bothered abt it till it hurts).

truth hurts, (not that i agree everything tt my boss scold me abt)
but i can have 2 reactions.
1. everyone is doing it! why am i the only one being scolded! (which i did initially). i really felt like my boss was biased (maybe or maybe not)!
or
2. thank God for not leaving me where i am.

truth #1 i dont have much structure in my life.

say, messiness- its so evident in my room now.
being late- likes to off the alarm n slp.
passivity- not taking initiatives.
lack of discipline- cant follow thru things.

why can't i have more self-disciplined?
i guess its just an area i have to learn and grow in.

I want to grow in discipline.

truth #2 i realise i can act so well sometimes (in other words hypocritical- i dont like that!)

like, i'm so hurt and angry but i can still talk to the person like i'm not affected (although sometimes its wise, i feel, not to say anything or react till you've processed thru. You wont want your emotions to get the better of you. When you speak, its wiser to say it out of love.).
i was crying halfway, picked up the phone and naturally stopped crying
why can't i be real?

mayb i'm afraid of being labelled as a cry baby or over-sensitive which ppl have always commented since my childhood. i dont want to be!
mayb i feel that even if i cry in front of others, they cant really undertsand cos they're not in it or not me. they may think its jus a small prob, its hard and tiring for them to see me cry so often at lil things.
mayb its an issue of acceptance. mayb its an issue of trust.
Even so, i do cry alot... when its beyond my control... like when the balloon burst and really, dont have to be bothered by it, cos I wont cry for a lifetime, haha, its okay. And most of the time, I'll really think its a small issue actually.

I want to grow in Truth.

truth #3 bended principles to fit in

i told myself i would never put anyone down behind his/her back, even if its the truth but i jus did. It's hard when you also agree with what your friends have to say abt him/her.

why can't i rather be straight forward?
mayb i'm not so close to the person and bcos truth really hurts, its hard to tell. mayb i havent find the appropriate time to tell.
mayb i dont know how to express myself well (i'm better if i sit down and thought through, organisise my thoughts a lil. i dont do well in impromptus. i guess thats why i'm a better writer than speaker.)- BUT ITS NOT A GD EXCUSE!
Mayb, i cant love the person? Well, afterall, its only someone who love you enough to want to see you change for the better that they will go through the trouble of putting your problems in words that is not too hurting, isnt it?
Tell me how to love an unloving person enough...
Teach me please.

I want to grow in Love.

So i'm grateful at this time to have Someone who loved me enough to not leave me where I am. And though it hurts alot, I'm grateful for that Someone whom I can be real to, and share my most intimate thoughts and feelings with, knowing that Someone will be with you thru your growth process.

Just a few days ago, I told some ppl that I wanna grow... but I dunno in what areas. Now I know. =)