I think the difference between me, now and then was- I'm become more aware of God. Even though I know God is anytime, anywhere since young, I didn't really experience Him cos I didn't have that connection with Him. It's a choice of my own. Now I choose to connect with Him, throughout the day, telling Him all my thoughts and feelings, my joy, my thanksgiving, my praise, my sorrows, my confessions... everything. And I know He hears. He becomes more evident.

Yesterday, when I was in cellgrp, I suddenly felt a sense of loneliness, though I'm surrounded by so many ppl. (maybe bcos I missed my recent mission team so much! we really had so much fun! and maybe bcos I haven't really connect with them yet). So happen the sermon was on loneliness and there's so much God spoke to me abt thru tt sermon. It reminded me that I've loose my focus subconsciously. If I focus on God then I'll never feel lonely. But I choose to focus on my circumstances though I want to focus on God (cos it's just so easy to look at the things you can see and touch and neglecting the things we cannot see... the spiritual things that is real as well), just like wat daWL shared about Paul... what he want to do, he do not do & vice versa. God began convicting me. In cell, i'm not so proactive... the kind who sit & wait and not so sensitive to other ppl's needs. Maybe cos since young, I'm always the youngest in cellgrp so I'm always very well taken care of. But now God put me in a cell where most of them are younger than me to help me to change my attitudes. An environment for me to care for others, to be sensitive to their needs, like how the older korkor & jiejies of the past used to treat me.

Then during Power Kidz Church service, the kids were very distracted but I remember to focus on God, not circumstances and kept praying. Later on, God really encouraged me thru the kids as I see them quiet and listening and even clapped for the teachers!

Then today, I woke up. Though I tried to worship God, but I was also distracted by other thoughts and the hunger and thirst for God seems lesser. So I began to pray for a desire for God once again. Then I was abit sian... maybe discouraged. I thought I should be more godly, I shouldn't laze around wasting time... I should do this and that yet I did not do. Then, my dad ask me to watch this sermon from lighthouse by Ps Rony Tan. Initially, I don't want but later on I did so that my bro could watch it too. In the end, the sermon really spoke to my heart. Just when I needed them. It talks about how to live as a victorous christian. It doesn't mean that once you recieve Christ you'll be perfect. If that is so, what is John 1:9 for? and what will it means, "to look to the author and perfector of our faith" and also, "our weaknesses are made perfect in His strength"? We are not perfect but God is still in the process of moulding us to be more like Him. Take note: Is to be like God, not become God. We can never become God. Being a Christian is in the process of changing to be more Christ-like. If we thought that Christians are perfect ppl then we'll be so discouraged. Only God is perfect. Also, in the disc, there's a bonus segment of miracle service. When I saw so many lives are healed, changed and transformed, people out of pain, out of depression, out of gangs... ppl with broken family, abusive father, full of hatred and resentment, totally changed and in the process of changing still... It once again touched my heart and encouraged me to be praying more zealously for that lady. [if anyone
wants to watch can come to me... highly recommended]

I knew at once, God knows how am I feeling all these while. That is why He placed all these things to happen at that moment when I needed them. He knew exactly when I needed encouragement. He answered my prayers to have more desire for Him. I think in the past God does ans my prayers and see me thru, just tt i'm not aware cos I'm not connected with Him throughout. I think my weak point that often cause me to loose my focus is usually busy schedule. I'm chocked up with so much things to do that I neglected God. That's why I love hols so I could have a great retreat with God. I just pray that I will not stumble and fall when school reopens. Please pray for me too... oh. more than my own desires, may His will be done.

Anyway, PRAISE GOD!!!