"How am I suppose to love ppl who constantly put me down, fake! despises me, dont even care abt me or how i feel, dishonest, rude, so unfair, dont like me, undeserving of my love???

-sharon (this is sth i struggled a lil bit more than usual lately in my workplace)

"But you cannot give to others what you have not received yourself, and so my hope is that, as you learn how much God loves you, you'll also let him heal your heart so that his love can flow freely through you. It's impossible to love others until you really feel loved yourself."

-daily hope with rick warren

"Ï'm reminded that I am too, a recipient of God's great UNCONDITIONAL love and mercy, even when I'm so undeserving."

-sharon

Jus today i was thinking abt money, calculating how long would i nd to save (and scrimp) for a house in sg, say cheapest 200k? it would take 55 yrs, setting aside 300/mth!!! then what if i get married, say another 100k? that would be 25.25 yrs!!! and, then retirement, say i work till 67? and live till 100? another 33 yrs. if i spent 500 a mth, it would be approx 200k!!! that will be another 55 yrs!!! opps i didnt include my cpf. still, i think it would only decrease the years i have to scrimp and save by half which comes up to abt 68 years? Salary overseas seemed much much greener. I really wonder how my dadd feed 6 ppl and still able to buy a house and a car. God's provision really. As a child, I used to think that i'll be rich when i work but well, not anymore bcos now i am more far sighted than before. Its so "FAN4" to think abt such things. Thats why i nd an insurance, i guess all financial consultant will say so. Haha. Guess what? and so happen i'm on psalms 78!

PSALMS 78
11 They forgot what he had done—
the great wonders he had shown them,
12 the miracles he did for their ancestors
on the plain of Zoan in the land of Egypt.
13 For he divided the sea and led them through,
making the water stand up like walls!
14 In the daytime he led them by a cloud,
and all night by a pillar of fire.
15 He split open the rocks in the wilderness
to give them water, as from a gushing spring.
16 He made streams pour from the rock,
making the waters flow down like a river!

17 Yet they kept on sinning against him,
rebelling against the Most High in the desert.
18 They stubbornly tested God in their hearts,
demanding the foods they craved.
19 They even spoke against God himself, saying,
“God can’t give us food in the wilderness.
20 Yes, he can strike a rock so water gushes out,
but he can’t give his people bread and meat.”
21 When the Lord heard them, he was furious.
The fire of his wrath burned against Jacob.
Yes, his anger rose against Israel,
22 for they did not believe God
or trust him to care for them.

Yes, like the Isrealites, sometimes, I forgot I have a rich Daddy God! If money were to consume all my time, energy, mind and soul, if i slogged and save so hard to give myself a decent life here on earth, and at the end of my life, I find myself having nth at all, maybe jus skull and bones, I guess thats sth really sad. Not at all like the abundant life God promises. But as I seek Him and His kingdom first, as I bless others with the little that I have, He gave me so much more, it may not be materially but i'm blessed bcos i know Him more. I felt that is the greatest blessing anyone could have. To have a real relationship with God and to know Him more. To obey Him and to live out His purposes and as I do so, to trust that He will meet my needs, even physcial ones. He provided me with a job, with abundance of food at home! As I remembered how he provided for me during mission trip, as i remembered how i passed each exam when i have lesser time to study in poly than the rest of my friends, as i remembered how he healed me when i was sick, as i remembered how he spoke personally to me, words of love, words of confidence, words of encouragement... how he had been so very near. As He divinely meet me and showed me He is all the Bible says He is, Love, Merciful, Patient, My Provider, My Healer, The Rock, Giver of all good things, how then can I not trust Him to care for me? I think I'd be so foolish to say I cant trust God after all the things He had done in my life and the lives of so many others, in the past and present.

When I left with only skull and bones which I cannot even bring with me,
I have You with me for eternity.

Thats the best thing man!

its been a long and tiring day.
talked to God with mixed emotions.
was it bcos of the over commitment of activities?
well, maybe.
is it bcos of post night?
could be too.
its one of the days whr thr's so many why God.
why did i find myself doing so much? loving, praying, hoping, giving... yet i cant even trace a fruit sprouting out of the tree.
everything seemed so futile.
why God am i feeling so dissapionted and frustrated?
i dont want to feel so.
i should trust in You right?

Then I went to run and swam and run. Its the adrenaline rush or rather the release of emotions. From home to pool, 30 laps and back home. On the way home, I had stiches and backache. As I was about to stop, these words came. Keep running, keep loving, keep praying, keep hoping, it's painful, its hard, it can be dissapionting and frustrating but keep on going. Perservere, you will see the finish line. I ran all the way back home.

Lord, will you hold my hand as we run this race together? Cos its hard,

but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength, they will soar on wings like eagle, they shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not faint (Isaiah 40:31)

I give thanks bcos You are near. (Psalms 75:1) =)

new template

I like my new template, thank God it isnt very time consuming! =)

Its been a very busy week with farewells, gatherings, kids camp. Its been a mad rush and i felt so tired. Totally neglected my source of strength and help. Yet, God is always good and He is always faithful. When I turn to Him, He is always there =)
In the midst of activities, I found Him again, being so real. Just felt Him drawing me back to His loving arms again, back to the closeness we once shared.

I desire worship, not sacrifice. I desire a relationship with you more than what you can do for me bcos I love you so much. -GOD-