Wednesday, April 23, 2008

its been a fun day today!
enjoyed playing games with freshmen! So full of enthusiasm!
i was once like them too but i wasnt enthu at all.
but today i was quite ENTHU!!
HAHA. well, God has His divine plan and purpose for me to be there ba.
A few days ago I was reflecting and I jus praise God for all that He has done in my life.

I remembered in year one, I was like any other freshmen, feeling quite excited about poly life. I wanted to study hard and join a fun CCA. I was a Sunday Christian then too, who was only satisfied by my church attendance. I never thought of being in campus crusade, never thought that I could have great faith, never thought that I can have such intimacy with God, never even thought that God could use me. During clubcrawl, I signed up for many CCAs except campus crusade. However, someone by the name of serena called me and invited me for campus crusade welcome tea. Then, I remembered I filled in a survey form outside macdonalds. Though I wasn’t very keen cos none of my clique are Christians but I decided to jus take a look. Well, the welcome tea wasn’t very fun. I thought it was quite boring. Since then, I didn’t go for their weekly meetings. But thank God, I was still connected to campus crusade thru serena, who bcame my bible study grp leader. Her sincerity was what attracted me to her. She was more than a bible study grp leader but also like a friend to me. A friend that is genuine and real in sharing her life with you, a friend that is patiently listening when you talk to her. A friend that will pray for you and encourage you. So, about December that year, she informed me about a camp called the metamorphosis and encouraged me to go. I didn’t really wanted to go cos I am not realy close to the ppl in campus crusade except serena who wasn’t going then. To cut the long story short, by God’s divine plan, I was there at the camp. After the camp, two perspective changed. One, crusade was no longer a boring CCA but a fun and enriching one. God used the camp to be real and intimate with me again. Two, I can be someone who truly follows Jesus and impact people around me, especially in NYP whom I spent most of my time in. I was particularly encouraged by one crusader from SP who shared how God used him to intercede and lead his classmates to Christ. About 3 months later, I went for a mission trip. My faith was stretched as I trust Him for things beyond myself. My confidence in Him grew as I experienced Him as a God who supply all my needs, who loved me for who I am, who time and again pick me up when I fall, and also someone who can use me despite my weaknesses. From then on, I am able to trust God with more and more things, knowing that He is able to do all things. About the end of year 2, God led me to minister in ppl's life, leading someone out of depression. Today, I am convinced by God that I am a child of light in this crooked and perverse generation among whom I can shine like stars simply because of all the experiences that God brought me through of knowing Him and His love for me and every single person on this earth. As I grow closer to God, I know that He wants to love people like how Christ loved me. Hurting people, lost people, people who are despised and rejects of the world. God loved them all. I thank God for campus crusade for He has used a big part of their labor to transform me. :)

Friday, April 18, 2008

i like to cry silently when i'm sad.

i like to laugh out loud when i'm happy.

Man can only see my facade.

You saw both. You looked deep into my heart.

Have you ever loved someone so much but that person never reciprocate?

I did. It hurts real bad.

Have you ever feel like you can't be real because you can't be loved and accepted for who you are?

I did. It's hard. It's uncomfortable.

All of a sudden, I missed my recent MT team alot.

I felt true love and acceptance.

I can be free and speak without fear.

Everyone was real.

God, why am I feeling this way? I know I'm accepted and loved by You but the feeling is so real, I can't talk myself out of it.

"You've just experienced the cry of one that needs love and acceptance. I hurt as much as they do. They hurt as much as what you are hurting now. You've experienced My perfect love that drives out all fear. Will you bring My love to those who need it so much?"

That hurt was taken away.

It felt like a dream. A dream with real feelings that you can still remember.

God, I thank You that i can be real before you. My deepest hurt was only seen by You. No matter how ugly I looked when I cry, I don't need to cover my face. My tears can flow freely before You. Thanks for Your love and acceptance. You are the only One who doesn't mind me being ugly. I don't even feel that I'm judged and put down when I asked You qns, when I tell You what's really in my heart. With Your patience and grace, You ans and You guided me in Your truth. You understand every bit of what I'm feeling. Thanks for being there silently and letting me cry all I want. Thanks for speaking too. Thank You for allowing me to feel a little of what you felt, a little bit of Your heart that I'll experience more and more as I grow closer to You. Thank You for the intimacy we share just between You and me. It is so precious. Let us be closer, not further cos I don't want to loose it. Let Your love flow thru me and lead me to ppl that You've always loved so much.

Wednesday, April 16, 2008

replies to tags
Eddison: thanks for your well wishes and "compliment"! :)
charlie-ge: yo mortal. it's been really great having you in the team too! had so much fun with your great game ideas, programme and leading. i rem i LOL-ed playing blind mice cos of you and Jason (such a big person squeezing under the small table and chair, another squeezing into the small cupboard under the tv). besides the fun, i realised you've got such a tender heart for God and ppl. and like what bing always said, caring. *nods nods nods* i agree! Gd example to follow after. Continue to allow Christ life to flow thru you no matter where you are! (John 15:16). God is with you even at your boring workplace. keke. He knows exactly how you feel. :)
Louis: you've got internet connection? Anw, thanks. I am doing well. Lately there's so much hype and fun and crazy moments with my friends but beyond all that, I thank God more for the quiet moments where the Holy Spirit worked deep in my heart. Though there's many things that I feel I shouldnt do but did or should do but did not, all in all, I thank God for the godly sorrow that leads to repentance. Still I rejoice in the hope that He who had started a good work in me will carry on till the day of completion. (Phil 1:6) :) And that was the very same verse I text you. I really believe so for you as much as for me. I'm so amazed by the things you went thru, your family, struggles and all, each time God brought you thru, changing and moulding you. Even during the trip too. And there may be more to come (1 Peter 4:12). As much as you learnt from God, God made me learnt so much through your life too. Above all, His glory is unveiled through you, through me and the team. For when we are weak, He is strong! Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. (Romans 5:3-4) :)

Saturday, April 12, 2008

samsam!
i saw this arty video! Reminded me of you. Go and see. http://www.ccalmm.com/
:) Yea, and i wanted to add, that I really learnt so much from you, especially being intimate with God. As iron sharpens iron. Thanks buddy. :)

Friday, April 11, 2008

reply to sam:
I missed alot of things leh. I missed talking to you, the very heartfelt, deep, honest sharings between you, me and God just before we sleep. The confessions. The accountability. HAHAHA. I missed the prasie and worship together, esp the time when we sang, "how can i keep from singing Your praise, how can i ever say enough, how amazing is Your love", the times when I hear you sing, "Whenever I feel down, when everything seems wrong, such times, i feel i just can't go on anymore, when I remind myself of Him, He who can take away my cares, Jesus thanks for the faith I now have in you, Lord..." Our first reaction of the smelly toufu, kekeke and the delicous cuttlefish. And the funniest thing. The many, many times when we laughed out loud when yongjie thought his angel is you and louis thought his angel is me, the times of looking at the ladybird together, taking photo at the dangerous place which louis is so anxious of when you sat there. Our fav quiet place, bamboo shoot but later it was too cold we changed it to the milk tea shop. The times when we dance Never Give Up at the flagpole cos there was no one there. The times when we were washing clothes and praying together. Rap-walking with you, seeing the frog and laughing, feeling the wind thru our faces. Reminding each other to bring key and hp. HAHA. Experiencing the "unique" toilet. Buddy, I really missed you.
Women are like Macs and men are like PCs. I feel that's a generalisation. Somtimes, i felt like a PC, just can't multi-task well. Keke. It's a random thought when I thought of opening to many windows- blog, email, msn, i accidentally closed a few and gonna re sign in again.

ok highlight, highlights-
NYP crusade chalet! Keke.
FUN! tiring. enlightening... let me tell you why.
Played "sardines". It felt like a hide and seek though.
ok, the real *highlight* is...
i'm bitten by an BIG, HUMONGOUS ANT! I freaked out.
I felt that the pain was worse then blood taking.
There it stinged. There I screamed.
I didnt even dare to take the insect out of my flesh cos I'm afaid that it will sting my hand too. The insect was unflickable (there's no such word, i think but it's used to describe sth that's stuck on you despite furiously trying to shake it off).
Just screamed. and shake. I didn't realise how unglam it was at that moment! (I've learnt to laugh when I'm embarrased.) HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
Anw, ivin just removed it. Like it's nothing.

I've realised I've just believed in a lie. How could it sting your hand when you are grabbing the body? It's just an ant, smaller than my pinkie's nail, how could it be so big and humongous? I realised that my fears are irrational, my fears paralyzes me and my fears allow it to continue stinging me. Truth is so important at that moment. Knowing the truth can indeed set me free. The truth is, that I have all power and authority to take that ant off me. The truth is, the ant is so small, compared to me. I could pray all day long just to remove that ant but God has already given me all I need to remove it. I need to realise TRUTH.

I would strongly recommend bondage breaker to everybody. It really exposes many lies and reveals many truth. At first, I thought I wouldnt need it cos I feel my life is not in some kind of bondage (my impression of bondage is like drug addiction or sexual addiction, etc) but after reading the book (my church decided to use this book as a material, because of that, i started to read) I realise I am. I'm subtly believing in lies and in bondage of things seemingly innocent which causes me not to experience real victory and freedom that we should have in Christ. Like, for example when phyiscal rest becomes laziness. Yes. I confessed. Laziness. I always thought I shouldn't do it but before I do it, somehow, there's this voice saying, its ok to sleep more, you need it, you will be more energised when the truth is i only need 8 hours of sleep! And then when I wake up, i know I shouldn't. So I confess. And the same thing happpned again and i go into my sin-confess-sin-confess cycle. That's bondage. I need to reject the lie and use the truth. The greater truth is my identity in Christ. I am no longer slaves of sin because Christ has redeemed me from sin. And the same goes for every beloved child of God. There is victory, there is hope for us who are struggling in bondage. We don't have to anymore. We just need to realise about the truth of who we are. Just like how I have the power and authority to take that ant off me, we have the power and authority in Christ Jesus to renounce the lies that satan put in us. Two men betrayed Jesus but one end up hanging himself cos of the lies that he believed in, the other came back to God because of the truth he believed in. Satan (father of lies) sole purpose is only to steal, kill and destroy. His decietfulness is clearly shown when he tempted Eve, when he tempted, accused and condemned Judah, and today, he is still as decietful as ever, taking away our freedom and victory which rightfully belongs to us, as a child of God.

Monday, April 07, 2008

replies to tags:

Davin: Praise God! Haha. great to see you at cell! Thanks for being such a great bro to many of us. :)
jp: hey dear sis, you are so very welcome. love you lots :)
sars: it's so great to hear from you again!
jincheng: Yes, yes. It is an exciting journey and I know even when I'm back, it can be still as exciting too! :)
odie: Hee. Thanks!

Today I went for team meeting. I'm so encouraged to be part of the team, to be encouraged and cared for, to hear from the different ones. The last day will always be a great thanksgiving when I remember how God brought us together again. It was just so beautiful to depend on Him to love each other like how Christ would.

I'm sleeping early and want to wake up early too, in prep for work.

Btw, friends, please call my hm no. if you wanna contact me, 67598287. Thanks.

God bless! :)

Friday, April 04, 2008

Just now I was talking to someone on MSN and he commented that I am a super christian. I would beg to differ and clarify. I am a sinner saved by grace, bought with a price. I am not righteous because I obeyed the law. I am justified by faith. If I am able to be saved by my own works, then it would nullify the power of the cross. The fact is I am not able. It is only because I choose to accept the wonderful gift of salvation to which God had revealed to me. I am accepted, secured, made worthy and righteous by the power of God that I have allowed to work in and through me.

Galatians 5:16-26 (New International Version)

Life by the Spirit
16So I say, live by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the sinful nature. 17For the sinful nature desires what is contrary to the Spirit, and the Spirit what is contrary to the sinful nature. They are in conflict with each other, so that you do not do what you want. 18But if you are led by the Spirit, you are not under law.
19The acts of the sinful nature are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery; 20idolatry and witchcraft; hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions 21and envy; drunkenness, orgies, and the like. I warn you, as I did before, that those who live like this will not inherit the kingdom of God.

22But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. 24Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the sinful nature with its passions and desires. 25Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit. 26Let us not become conceited, provoking and envying each other.

Thursday, April 03, 2008

Today I went to P. Ubin with Fiona and both of us thought that it would be an awesome place to have a walk with God. The only 2 discomforts was the hot weather and the mosquitoes! Well, I wouldn't mind the resort though. Air-con... yes. :)

While we were heading back, feeling so hot and hungry... all of a sudden i missed strawberry "bing tang hu lu" and the cold weather in china.

But it was a good time getting in touch with God's beautiful creations.

I saw a pic of a chicken in the brochure and thought abt a silly joke back in china.

We were eating dinner one fine day.

A: why is the egg so small? (it was actoally a quail egg)
B: cos the chicken's backside is too small
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
the rest burst out laughing!

Wednesday, April 02, 2008

some of the pictures here


http://www.flickr.com/photos/25318501@N08/
replies to tags:

wanlin: thanks my dearest sis!
miao: i know you may not see this but i'll link you. haha :)
swingg: hi! are you suiying??
odie: heehee! thx for your prayers :) btw, its shu xian is spelt as shu shyan
amanda: glad to hear from you
EILEEN(: I heard abt it and i'm really really proud of you guys!
jo: Yes Jolin... i heard abt it and am glad. BTW, a lil part of me wished i was in p. ubin with you now cos my dinner was cancelled. But another part of me is glad to have time to update my blog. Paradox. keke. nvm.
venod: THANKS! i felt so welcomed!

I see some changes in myself after the trip, in regards to:

speech-
"Keke" (another kind of laughter, it's like haha, heehee)
"Sherr?" (what?)
"Mei sher" (no problem)
"si hong shi" (tomato)
"tu dou" (potato)

eating habits-
using chopsticks to eat rice
loves tomato and egg! LOVES**
loves ma la *salivating*
loves to cook (inspired by lou)

lifestyle-
physical
waking up latest at 9plus AM evey morning
plan and schedule appts, more organised
more aware of time
cooking at home
spending more time at home
be a host and not a guest (taking more initiative)


spiritual
a greater dependance on God
a greater conciosness of God every moment
loves having personal time with God
becoming more aware of my feelings
loves talking to God anytime, anywhere, telling Him deep feelings that I can't even describe or sometimes can't even trace the cause, still, I know God knows what I'm trying to tell Him
loves asking God qns and waiting for His ans
loves reading His word and interceding and seeing Him work, even though somtimes He works in ways I cannot see with my physical eyes but He gave me enough conviction to say that something is happening in the spiritual realm
loves recording whatever happens between me, God and ppl
becoming more focus on things that really matter
able to hear Him clearer
more conscious and aware when i sin or when i'm abt to sin
increase faith in God- childlike faith, asking God anything that I lacked
becoming more real and honest with ppl
becoming more patient, accepting and loving to ppl whom i once find hard to love
desire to walk with God all the rest of my life cos it's just too wonderful


I thank God for His grace that He choose to reveal Himself so, so, so real to me, and the team during the trip. Indeed, His promise is so true, "You will seek Me and find Me, when you search for Me with all your heart" (Jer 29:13)

Thank Him that He choose to use us even though we are so weak and unworthy. "for My power is made perfect in your weaknesses" (can't rem the ref)

Thank God that eveytime we fall in sin, He will, by His grace and love, pick us up and make us worthy by the blood of the Lamb. "Yes, I have loved you with an everlasting love; Therefore with lovingkindness, I have drawn you" (Jer 31:3b)

Thank God for He choose to ans our qns and request. "Behold, I am the Lord, the God of all flesh. Is anything too hard for Me?" (Jer 32:37)

Thank God for revealing so much of my sins, dirts, impurities. "No one born of God will continue to in, becuase God seed remain in him; he cannot go on sinning becuase he has been born of God" (1 John 3:9)

Thank God for all the encouragement, assurance, affirmation and REVELATION (really, really learnt alot) "Call to Me, and I will answer you and show you great and mighty things which you do not know" (Jer 33:3)

Thank God for JOY in the team. "In Christ, there is fullness and JOY" (can't rem the ref)

There are more, so much that God has done in these 28 days. ASK ME! i'll flip my journal and tell you, but we'll probably need an hour so :)