I thought I would just pen down my thoughts regarding the attachement I had so far so I can accurately keep track of those thoughts and feelings while they are still fresh least they become bits and pieces here and there resulting in a what-did-i-do-on-the-first-week syndrome that need much time to be sorted out at the end of the 3 months. Yes, and here it goes.
I had a much overwhelming orientation on the 12, 13, 14 of november. At the end of it, I just wondered if I could pass this posting. Well, you see, every new day is like a fresh day for me to do my best yet on the 2nd day of orientation I thought I'd just give up after the drug calculations in which I admit I was a little slow in. While I'm still doing section A, they are already at section B and before my answers were out, ppl are already furiously solving the next questions. And more information came. Tubes of different colour meant for different oh-so-unfamiliar specimens. The numbers, the protocols, the procedure. There wasn't any notes, you gotta COPY yourself! So, you'll stare at this form with miserably tiny words and you wonder if you could remember all that was said about it. You wished you could get the slides but sad to say, no. There's so much to comment, still, i would say orientation is much needed, where people set their expectations and made things clear right from the start. Where we are exposed to see and know things we've never seen for the past 2 and a half years? and we are suppose to master them within these 3 months? It's a mental preperation too. Ha. I do appreciate them (the training department in SGH). At least when my preceptor asked me, "Have you seen this?". "Err... Yea, sort of... at orientation." Haha.
I thank God for a very nice preceptor and also clinical instructor! Approachable and willing to teach are qualities that defines them. I was guided patiently, step by step, even when I'm slow and asked lots of questions. I knew they could do it so much faster if they were to handle it themselves but I appreciate that they left the case to us. My lecturer, though only came to say "Hi!" gave me such a motherly and nice feeling. I'm slowly progressing from junior to taking a case. I like the idea of preceptorship, the idea of mentoring and grooming people which lacks so much when we were in our previous attachments. I remembered nodding away when my friends from overseas attachment told me about how they each have a staff nurse in charge of them and guiding them through. That is how it should be for all our attachments and not just during our final attachment. (well, maybe manpower is an issue here :s).
Mentors, like what Helen Lowerie Marshell tiltled her poem with is a people grower. They need to have the ability to see potential in people, are tolerant with mistakes in order to see the potential develop, flexibility in responding to people and circumstances, patience, knowing that time and experience are needed for development, persepective, having vision and ability to see down the road and suggest the next steps that a mentee needs, gifts and abilities that build up and encourage others, timely words of counsel and insight, and finally resources such as letters, articles, books, etc. Tim Elmor have insightfully then picked up these qualities through Paul and Barnabas in the Bible that I am still developing as God allows me to, training me wherever I am. I do have a very good mentor in campus crusade. A women who was and still is willing to be used by God to invest in my life and many others too. I just give thanks to God for her.
Yes and back to my attachemnt. Well, junior work isn't a problem. Having done it countless times, I took it on fearlessly and joyfully. Fearlessly because I'm confident enough to do it alone and joyfully because it's just such a joy to meet the needs of others. While all these are happening, I'm still waiting to do skills like insertion of NG tube, cathetherisation, tracheostomy suctioning, etc which I had learnt in school but didnt had by any chance to practice in clinicals. Confidence comes by experience and I can't imagine myself being a staff nurse without doing all these on a real person. And that's not the only problem though. As mentioned earlier I was given a case to take charge of. The thing about morning shift is I didnt have time to take my case that I was in charge of due to the never ending junior work BUT thankfully my preceptor was still kind enough to wait till almost 12pm when I was more settled and taught me how to do discharge (by right changes should be done before 11am). *BIG SIGH* Now, I'm thinking: "How am I gonna take 17 cases at the end of 3 months?"
Sides...
Well, attended an in-service training on the topic, "normal ageing." The thing that struck me was just a comment by the speaker when she says, "so often we tend to attend to the things that is more urgent than the things that really matters to us" How true! More urgent things are often our work, responsibilities, studies, etc that screams for our attention everyday. And what is it that really matters to us? Think about it, if you had only 3 days left on earth, what would you do? That would probably be the very things that matters, the very things that we treasure deep in our hearts. For most people, it is spending time with our loved ones. Who would want to earn anymore or study anymore? So have you been thinking about what have you been doing with your life? When 2006 is gone, did you ever asked yourself what have you been doing? And then 2007 comes and pass, you carry on with your routine. And then again you wondered, what have you been doing in 2007? Time flies you would say and start another year of routine in 2008. Have you ever really wondered why are you on earth in the first place? If so, ask the creator. As how Lance Lambert wrote "Therein is revealed the wisdom that, without the Lord, if we do not see what the purpose of God is, if we do not see what the burden on God's heart is, it is vanity, vanity, all is vanity. You might as well, eat drink, and be merry because tommorow you are going to die anyway. There is no great point to living. Do not be too righteous and do not be too bad because you are going to die anyway. Useless, useless, all is useless." But when you read Songs of Song and discover God's heart in which he desired union and communion with His own. Suddenly it is no longer vanity, vanity, all is vanity. The whole of your life, circumstances and situations are of much value and of relations in God's plans and purpose. There is something the Lord wants to do with us, something He wants to do in us. It is no longer emptiness, emptiness, all is emptiness. It is fulness, fulness, all is fulness; purposefulness, purposefulness, all is purposefulness. You won't know when you have another day. What is it that really matters? When everything else can be gone, even people can one moment be here and gone the next, so what is it that matters here on earth?
Thursday, November 29, 2007
Tuesday, November 20, 2007
Sunday, November 18, 2007
To ALL my dearest family and friends. You made me feel so loved thru your thoughts, actions , words and gifts! T_T I thank God for you in my life and I thank you for all your love for me! Love ya SO MUCH! A few more things to add:
1. Never feel that your gift is too small or that you haven't done enuff because you have already given me your biggest gift, love. :)
2. Never feel bad about forgetting my birthday because I'm so often guilty of that. :s Whether you remember or not, you are still my friend and I still love you.
3. Never feel like you have to give me a big, elegant, wonderful, perfect gift because all I need is just something from the bottom of your heart.
Know it or not, YOU ARE ALREADY A SPECIAL GIFT FROM GOD and I thank Him for all of you! :)
Twenty years have come and go
Like running water that quickly flows
Down the river into the streams
Life is still full of dreams
I'd rather not deny the fact when told
Hey you are growing so much old
Because twenty years is so important
Much more than any token
I've learn thru the years
Especially from using my ears
Stronger,
Wiser,
Never like before.
"Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus."
Philipians 3:12-14
Sharon, there's a great future ahead of you!
INTO THE TWENTIES... YEA!!!
1. Never feel that your gift is too small or that you haven't done enuff because you have already given me your biggest gift, love. :)
2. Never feel bad about forgetting my birthday because I'm so often guilty of that. :s Whether you remember or not, you are still my friend and I still love you.
3. Never feel like you have to give me a big, elegant, wonderful, perfect gift because all I need is just something from the bottom of your heart.
Know it or not, YOU ARE ALREADY A SPECIAL GIFT FROM GOD and I thank Him for all of you! :)
Twenty years have come and go
Like running water that quickly flows
Down the river into the streams
Life is still full of dreams
I'd rather not deny the fact when told
Hey you are growing so much old
Because twenty years is so important
Much more than any token
I've learn thru the years
Especially from using my ears
Stronger,
Wiser,
Never like before.
"Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus."
Philipians 3:12-14
Sharon, there's a great future ahead of you!
INTO THE TWENTIES... YEA!!!
Monday, November 12, 2007
God is good all the time although sometimes i don't understand everything but still, I know He is good and I believe when the time comes, I'll noe. :) I finally understand why God allowed certain things to take place in my life which I can't seemed to understand in the past. All I do was to choose God and trust Him... even though it may seemed foolish to many. I saw myself being tested and trained, growing in character, in perseverence and in hope through it all.
And He always surprises me! Amazing, merciful and faithful... indeed beyond what I've ever thought or imagined! So blessed! :)
Beautiful! :)
www.everystudent.com.sg
And He always surprises me! Amazing, merciful and faithful... indeed beyond what I've ever thought or imagined! So blessed! :)
Beautiful! :)
www.everystudent.com.sg
Tuesday, October 23, 2007
Monday, October 22, 2007
I cant wait to post this!!! i've just watched a v. v. v. nice show on channel U! erm i think it was shown from 8-10pm. it talks abt how much a father loved her daughter (though she was rebellious) and how much her dad (though sissy) went thru, all for love. it could be jus another nice & touching show, but to me, God was pursuing me thru that show. i felt like i've wasted my time today, didnt even felt like praying or reading the word. room so messy, seems like thr's many things to do, so much on my mind... so i jus retreated. dunno what i'm doing, wasting my life away... watching tv! felt so useless. like i didnt do anything productive. But in His love, He told me, "I love you still, for I treat you as my child, not slave. Just look, how an earthly father loves his child... how much more is my love for you..." i didnt do anything to deserve that! He jus pursued me. He noes when I needed encouragement. & now i'm able, once again to enter into His presence. :)
i would like to have that show, if possible.
Recently, I realised how much i loved talking, not in big groups but with smaller circle of friends. i went out with 2 of my classmates. from kbox, toys'r'us (& took a cute pic thru my frens hp) to cartel, to samuel & kevin, to esplanade rooftop- non-stop!
lovely!
I think I need to put my phone on noisy ringtones since its hol if not i'll keep missing calls & replying later & worse, misplacing my hp at home!!! :s
tata! :)
i would like to have that show, if possible.
Recently, I realised how much i loved talking, not in big groups but with smaller circle of friends. i went out with 2 of my classmates. from kbox, toys'r'us (& took a cute pic thru my frens hp) to cartel, to samuel & kevin, to esplanade rooftop- non-stop!
lovely!
I think I need to put my phone on noisy ringtones since its hol if not i'll keep missing calls & replying later & worse, misplacing my hp at home!!! :s
tata! :)
Tuesday, October 09, 2007
OT posting
It was an eye opener. Well, the pic above wasnt exactly taken by me. It was searched from the net. Do resembles OT in some sense though. Anyway, didn't too like the thought of surgeons cutting up ppl & seeing all the gross bloody stuff when I first went there. It was later mid-way through the posting where I met nice scrub nurses & surgeons who were willing to share their knowledge & experiences. How hard it was, I later realised, learning all the instruments. My jaw dropped when I saw how the scub nurses passes the instruments so swiftly and accurately without the surgeon opening his mouth. It surely requires the scrub nurse to be far-sighted, focused, alert, clear-minded and procedures must always be at her finger tip. On the other hand, I was in awe of the surgeon's vast knowledge of the human anatomy. He has got to be precise, accurate and clear of what he's doing. One wrong move could be fatal. "This is the internal jugular vein... and here's the ... muscle..." he went, teaching the interested, young surgeon. It was then I was so much more in awe of God who created us from the dust of the ground to be so wonderfully complex. Psalms 139:14 suddenly seemed so real & alive to me! :)
Psalms 139:13-18
13 You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body
and knit me together in my mother’s womb.
14 Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex!
Your workmanship is marvelous—how well I know it.
15 You watched me as I was being formed in utter seclusion,
as I was woven together in the dark of the womb.
16 You saw me before I was born.
Every day of my life was recorded in your book.
Every moment was laid out
before a single day had passed.
17 How precious are your thoughts about me, O God.
They cannot be numbered!
18 I can’t even count them;
they outnumber the grains of sand!
And when I wake up,
you are still with me!
It was an eye opener. Well, the pic above wasnt exactly taken by me. It was searched from the net. Do resembles OT in some sense though. Anyway, didn't too like the thought of surgeons cutting up ppl & seeing all the gross bloody stuff when I first went there. It was later mid-way through the posting where I met nice scrub nurses & surgeons who were willing to share their knowledge & experiences. How hard it was, I later realised, learning all the instruments. My jaw dropped when I saw how the scub nurses passes the instruments so swiftly and accurately without the surgeon opening his mouth. It surely requires the scrub nurse to be far-sighted, focused, alert, clear-minded and procedures must always be at her finger tip. On the other hand, I was in awe of the surgeon's vast knowledge of the human anatomy. He has got to be precise, accurate and clear of what he's doing. One wrong move could be fatal. "This is the internal jugular vein... and here's the ... muscle..." he went, teaching the interested, young surgeon. It was then I was so much more in awe of God who created us from the dust of the ground to be so wonderfully complex. Psalms 139:14 suddenly seemed so real & alive to me! :)
Psalms 139:13-18
13 You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body
and knit me together in my mother’s womb.
14 Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex!
Your workmanship is marvelous—how well I know it.
15 You watched me as I was being formed in utter seclusion,
as I was woven together in the dark of the womb.
16 You saw me before I was born.
Every day of my life was recorded in your book.
Every moment was laid out
before a single day had passed.
17 How precious are your thoughts about me, O God.
They cannot be numbered!
18 I can’t even count them;
they outnumber the grains of sand!
And when I wake up,
you are still with me!
Friday, September 21, 2007
I'm so glad it's holidays where I can get rest physically. More than that I have time for things that matters to me most. God and people. As promised I wanted to tell you why the spiritual world is more impt. One, bcos the spiritual world existed first, then God create the physical world. Two, bcos spiritual world is eternal, physical world is temporal. Three, bcos things happen 1st in the spiritual realm then in the physical. Four, bcos we were created to be spiritual beings. As you know, each of us has the soul, body and spirit. The spirit is suppose to be the master where it communicates with God, the soul, as the steward, and the body as the servant, to act in accordance to what the the master says. Yet, many of us, we are living the exact opposite of what God has intended. We allow our body to be the master, our soul, as sth to satisfy our body and what happens to our spirit? Suppressed. It no longer wants to seek God anymore. Isn't this interesting? I do admit that many a times, I live to satisfy my body which more than often leads to a little more sleep, a little more slumber, a little more folding of arms to rest. The word procastination seems nothing new. Gluttony? Not too far away as well. Perahps, it's time for me to have a paradigm shift again. To relook and rethink what am I really here for. Something that's already at the back of my mind, yet I've lost it still. :p
Monday, September 17, 2007
Would like to apologise to many of whom I've missed your calls and delayed my replies. Was having attachment the last 3 weeks straight after exams. Well, though it's only 8 hours of work, I spend additional 3 hours on travel, 1 hour on preperation, another 8 hours for sleep and the other 4 hours... either resting or meeting up with ppl and of course with God. Some other commitments have to be on hold for awhile. I'm glad to have a week break now. My table is piling since exams! My room's in a mess! LOL. Anw, looking back... had very very nice classmates during my poly years. Love them! Had learnt so so so much thru campus crusade too. The ppl thr has been a great source of encouragement, love and support. More imptly, they direct me to the ONE who's always there, created me & loves me from the beginning. HE who can do anything and everything! I was just feeling very meaningless one day when I wake up for attachment. What difference have I made in my patient's lives? I realised this world we live in is so finite. I'm jus merely meeting their physical needs. Then one day they are going to die. I mean we are all gonna die. No matter how much medical knowledge we have, there is still limitations in being able to save a life. No matter how good we are in behavoural science (my fav!), social work or counselling we are still so very limited in helping another individual change to a better person. Looking at the newspaper makes me wonder, why did God even create men? So much death, suicide, destruction and evil in this world. Why do we have to go thru so much since all of us have to die one day? So I prayed that He will show me and that I will make sense of why am I here.
This week's sermon was helpful. :) It talks abt the creation of man. Main reference from Genesis Chap 1 of the Bible. (Btw, I just read a book with evidences that proves the Bible to be an accurate, just like all other history texts. It's good to do some research sometimes.) From Gen 1:26-31 there are 7 reasons why God created men. One, God wants us to have His own image & likeness (Gen 1:26). Not physically. But our every actions are supposedly to be motivated by LOVE, just like HIM. But after the fall of man in Gen 3 when Adam & Eve disobeyed God, their actions are no longer motivated by love but by fear as they hid themselves behind the bush when God walked past the garden that evening (Gen 3:8). Fear causes us to be selfish, jealous and greedy. In Singapore, it is also known as, "kiasu" with "kia" as fear. Heavenly Father will be so happy if we are like Him. It's just like how our earthly father beamed as someone says, "Hey, your son looks like you". Two, God wants us to rule over the earth and excercise our delegated authority (Gen 1:26). Yet, we've lost it by sinning agaisnt God (Gen 3). So often, we went searching for authority and power over other people instead. Also known as power-hungry. Nothing wrong with being a leader. In fact, wise leadership is necessary everywhere. (Prov 11:14). It's just the motives. Do we lead out of love or jus bcos of that position we want to have? We may often seemed justified yet, if we dig deeper, we'll realise how our heart is so deceitful (Prov 16:2). Note the word delegated. God is the boss, not us. Three, God wants us to know Him. It explains why in Genesis 1:26 uses the word, "Us" and "Ourselves" when there is only one God. In Col 1:15, it says God is invinsible. We can't see God physically bcos of His glory. We'll melt. However, God wants us to see Him, know Him and feel Him. So, Jesus became the image of the invinsible God (Heb 1:3). Four, God wants to bless us. In Genesis Chap 1, we can see how God created the whole earth before He created men. It's just like what our daddy & mummy would do. Even before we are born, diapers, room, baby cot/sarong (i slept in this!), clothes, everything we need is prepared for us. Why? Becuase they love us. Five, God wants us to live a fruitful and multiplying life. (Gen 1:28) Does it means giving birth to more babies? In Adam & Eve's time, definately yes because the whole earth consist of only 2 human beings. In John 15:16 (New Testament), the command is repeated. It simply means multiplying godly character in people's lives. Six, God wants us to enjoy His provision (Gen 1:29). That is why His name is also known as Jehovah Jireh, The Lord is my Provider. If you are in His will, He will provide everything you need. Seven, God is pleased with all He had made (Gen 1:31), just like a painter who looks at His work and smiles. In Summary, God loves us.
How did He made human then? He made human from the dust of the ground. (Now I realise why some elements in our body can also be found in the ground, like iron, zinc, potassiom, calcium, sodium... etc. and how mud facial would be beneficial to our skin.) Then He breath into us the breathe of life. And, we became a living person (Gen 2:7). It is the Spirit of God that made us, and His breathe that gave us life. (Job 33:4). When we die, our body goes back to earth and the spirit goes back to God (Ecc 12:7). Our body probably cost less than $30, without the soul and the spirit. It is just dust! An outer covering of the real us. So who is the real you? Our soul. Yet, often we spend the most money on the lowest things in our life. Why did God create us this way? God gave us a Spirit so that we can communicate with Him. The Spirit is God concious. The soul on the other hand is for us to communicate with people. It controls our mind, will & emotions. And then the body is for us to smell, taste & see. 3 in one (1 Thess 5:23). Animals have a soul and a body but they don't have a Spirit. Thus, they are not concious of spirits, be it God or fallen angels, unlike humans. In God's original design, we are suppose to be a spiritual being. The spirit is suppose to be the master, the soul as the steward and the body is suppose to act as a servant. The spirit recieves messages from God and the body is to act upon it. Men fell when we became the opposite of what God intended where the body becomes the master and the soul becomes sth to satisfy the body. The spirit is then suppressed and does not want to seek God anymore (a.k.a carnal man).
Well, that's alot. But knowing this helps me to see what am I made for. It is to enjoy a wonderful relationship with my Creator. Hmmm, I think I'll continue again and tell you more about the function of the spirit and how the spirit world, though in another dimension, is more real than the physical world.
I like how Rick Warren writes in his book, "Purpose-Driven Life": 'If I handed you an invention you had never seen before, you wouldn't know its purpose, and the invention itself wouldn't be able to tell you either. Only the Creator or the owner's manual could reveal its purpose. You cannot arrive at life's purposes by focusing on yourself. You must began with God, your Creator. You exist only because God wills that you exist. You were made by God- until we understand that, life will never makes sense.' You can study, be successful, make lotsa money, achieve all your goals and still feel empty because you've missed what you are made for.
This week's sermon was helpful. :) It talks abt the creation of man. Main reference from Genesis Chap 1 of the Bible. (Btw, I just read a book with evidences that proves the Bible to be an accurate, just like all other history texts. It's good to do some research sometimes.) From Gen 1:26-31 there are 7 reasons why God created men. One, God wants us to have His own image & likeness (Gen 1:26). Not physically. But our every actions are supposedly to be motivated by LOVE, just like HIM. But after the fall of man in Gen 3 when Adam & Eve disobeyed God, their actions are no longer motivated by love but by fear as they hid themselves behind the bush when God walked past the garden that evening (Gen 3:8). Fear causes us to be selfish, jealous and greedy. In Singapore, it is also known as, "kiasu" with "kia" as fear. Heavenly Father will be so happy if we are like Him. It's just like how our earthly father beamed as someone says, "Hey, your son looks like you". Two, God wants us to rule over the earth and excercise our delegated authority (Gen 1:26). Yet, we've lost it by sinning agaisnt God (Gen 3). So often, we went searching for authority and power over other people instead. Also known as power-hungry. Nothing wrong with being a leader. In fact, wise leadership is necessary everywhere. (Prov 11:14). It's just the motives. Do we lead out of love or jus bcos of that position we want to have? We may often seemed justified yet, if we dig deeper, we'll realise how our heart is so deceitful (Prov 16:2). Note the word delegated. God is the boss, not us. Three, God wants us to know Him. It explains why in Genesis 1:26 uses the word, "Us" and "Ourselves" when there is only one God. In Col 1:15, it says God is invinsible. We can't see God physically bcos of His glory. We'll melt. However, God wants us to see Him, know Him and feel Him. So, Jesus became the image of the invinsible God (Heb 1:3). Four, God wants to bless us. In Genesis Chap 1, we can see how God created the whole earth before He created men. It's just like what our daddy & mummy would do. Even before we are born, diapers, room, baby cot/sarong (i slept in this!), clothes, everything we need is prepared for us. Why? Becuase they love us. Five, God wants us to live a fruitful and multiplying life. (Gen 1:28) Does it means giving birth to more babies? In Adam & Eve's time, definately yes because the whole earth consist of only 2 human beings. In John 15:16 (New Testament), the command is repeated. It simply means multiplying godly character in people's lives. Six, God wants us to enjoy His provision (Gen 1:29). That is why His name is also known as Jehovah Jireh, The Lord is my Provider. If you are in His will, He will provide everything you need. Seven, God is pleased with all He had made (Gen 1:31), just like a painter who looks at His work and smiles. In Summary, God loves us.
How did He made human then? He made human from the dust of the ground. (Now I realise why some elements in our body can also be found in the ground, like iron, zinc, potassiom, calcium, sodium... etc. and how mud facial would be beneficial to our skin.) Then He breath into us the breathe of life. And, we became a living person (Gen 2:7). It is the Spirit of God that made us, and His breathe that gave us life. (Job 33:4). When we die, our body goes back to earth and the spirit goes back to God (Ecc 12:7). Our body probably cost less than $30, without the soul and the spirit. It is just dust! An outer covering of the real us. So who is the real you? Our soul. Yet, often we spend the most money on the lowest things in our life. Why did God create us this way? God gave us a Spirit so that we can communicate with Him. The Spirit is God concious. The soul on the other hand is for us to communicate with people. It controls our mind, will & emotions. And then the body is for us to smell, taste & see. 3 in one (1 Thess 5:23). Animals have a soul and a body but they don't have a Spirit. Thus, they are not concious of spirits, be it God or fallen angels, unlike humans. In God's original design, we are suppose to be a spiritual being. The spirit is suppose to be the master, the soul as the steward and the body is suppose to act as a servant. The spirit recieves messages from God and the body is to act upon it. Men fell when we became the opposite of what God intended where the body becomes the master and the soul becomes sth to satisfy the body. The spirit is then suppressed and does not want to seek God anymore (a.k.a carnal man).
Well, that's alot. But knowing this helps me to see what am I made for. It is to enjoy a wonderful relationship with my Creator. Hmmm, I think I'll continue again and tell you more about the function of the spirit and how the spirit world, though in another dimension, is more real than the physical world.
I like how Rick Warren writes in his book, "Purpose-Driven Life": 'If I handed you an invention you had never seen before, you wouldn't know its purpose, and the invention itself wouldn't be able to tell you either. Only the Creator or the owner's manual could reveal its purpose. You cannot arrive at life's purposes by focusing on yourself. You must began with God, your Creator. You exist only because God wills that you exist. You were made by God- until we understand that, life will never makes sense.' You can study, be successful, make lotsa money, achieve all your goals and still feel empty because you've missed what you are made for.
Tuesday, September 04, 2007
Thursday, July 26, 2007
Haha. I just smiled when I read my own journal saved in my folder. It reminded me how God provided everything for me and the things I've learnt so much as a young Christian. The excitement I had, etc. Some things I've already forgotten and perhaps taken for granted now.
Some entries from 2006 (in my personal journal)...
31-1-06
God gave me compassion. He saddened my heart upon hearing last week’s sermon, how the world have become. I cried. How insane human can get. Even more so when u turn on the television and hear how innocent teens playing basketball could be slash by someone they don’t know. Life is vulnerable, unpredictable and fragile. We really don’t know when we have another day to live. It reminded me of a dream. A scary one. Dreamt that one of my friend is about to go… and there I am, helpless, anxious, scared cos I haven’t tell her about Jesus. I was so afraid… I really want to see my friends in heaven… I really love them. When I woke up my heart was still pumping fast. As if it was so real. I sms-ed that particular friend the first thing in the morning and glad she’s alright. I want to tell others about Jesus…
17-7-06
There are 3 very evident things that I know God has provided. One, a pass in my BCLS theory test as I have very limited time to study. Two, God provided me with all my needs, in terms of monetary sense. I find this month especially a blessing even when I’m short of cash but willing to give him my 10% plus a lil love offering. God gave me much more. One, mommy now cooks most of my dinner (I could save that $$) and I had my breakfast most of the time at home (in most cases, daddy would buy food home), which I don’t usually have in the past, so now lunch I don’t eat a lot, cos I’m filled at home. Everyday, I’m filled and full. I’m thankful I don’t have to go hungry. I even have extra cash to bless others, like buying loaker, mic birthday present and spending time with my friends at SIAM kitchen and kbox! And on Sat, 15/7/06, Ken decided to give me a lift in his new car. Again, I saved $$. Then that night, Aunty Laura paid for my bro’s and my supper money, which she insisted! Third, I find myself closer with my classmates and I thank God for that! I pray that He’ll continue to work in my classmates heart! Thank You Jesus! There are more thing to thank God for, like I wasn’t late when meeting Ken, the cab came just in time, I wasn’t late when meeting with Xiao Wan Lin to practice the songs and she did a good job with the music, I thank God even for the desire to pray for others and spend time with Him despite my busyness. I thank God!
7-8-06
Amazing!! I found my wallet today!!! Actually when I prayed on 3rd of Aug, God gave me the assurance that I would find my wallet cos I prayed sth like, please let me dream where I’ve placed it. And He did but jus that I forgot the place when I woke up… after that dream I’m so so sure that I’ll find it… but my dad kept asking me to report lost… and so I doubted my dream after finding and gave up. I reported lost. Relating back to Mylene’s experience, once again, He showed me that He have already heard my prayers the moment I prayed and is working on it… but I lose hope and give easily… and when I does that, I didn’t do what He wants but rather what I want… I just thank God for this lesson… for showing Himself real & evident… I know nothing happened by coincidence but all for His wonderful purpose for my life if I’m willing to surrender to Him. I thank God for the lesson learnt.
10-8-06
My mum came into my room and saw my masterlife book with ants and choc. Worse, its on my bed. Thank God if not I’m gonna sleep with ants.
26-8-06
Wanna give thanks again. I thought I would fail my HS2035 but I passed! Am very, very thankful…
Who's the Centre Of Our Lives? (COOL)
Today, I made a decision to be filled with the Spirit. As Eph 5:18 says, 'Do not be drunk with wine which leads to debuachery instead, be filled with the Spirit'.
Actually, for the past few days or even weeks I've been struggling, often times being frustrated in my Christian walk and work. After reading fireseeds from Korea to the world (2 recent fav books- growing deep in God by Edmund Chan and this!), though in awe of God's awesome miracles in Korea, I was also afraid to live a surrendered life. I remember telling God that I want to surrender my life to Him. But, I doubted that commitment. If I were Dr Kim, will I still be able to trust God despite all that have happened? I doubted myself. I doubt that I would be so strong and firm, so persevering and persistant. I was in fact so faithless that fear gripped me partly also cos of some ghost stories that leaves me repeating, 'Jesus' till I fell asleep and even once, left the lights on. I know this shouldn't be a life of a Christian, living in fear and without faith, boldness and courage to trust God. If Christ is truly in me, I will be victorious and able to overcome all things. Though I was faithless, yet deep in me, I yearn to be big spiritual giants like Dr. Kim and Rev. Edmund Chan. Man of faith who trusted God to accomplish big things and God did it through them. But, due to my past, doubts, lack of faith, I am afraid to make another commitment and to allow God to use me.
I know I'm faithless because I looked at myself. I knew my problem already and often times I wanna change. I want to wake up early to pray, I wanted to fast, I wanted to set aside more time for QT, yet time and again, I overslept or failed to do so. Another problem I had is also I depended on the unreliable- feeling instead of the reliable- God's word. I know that, yet I can't seem to get out of it. I just couldn't do what I want to do and it is so demoralising and frustrating. I tried to read more books/articles for encouragement/motivation but I've missed the point.
However, God being gracious again revealed my problem to me. Only God knows what exactly I needed. Basics. It didn't occured to me that it's the basics. I thought I've progressed much more but now, I realise I couldn't progressed further unless I apply my basics. Yes, I've been missing it, I think, for a long while. No wonder, I realised I'm often trying to live a self-rightoues life and failed so easily. And then, I'll go into self-blame. Then, I go into a spiritual high again, then down. Like running in circles, going no where. Much to my shock, the truth tells me that I'm a carnal Christian which I least expceted it! A carnal Christian is someone who recieves Christ but lives in defeat because he trust his own strength to live a Christian life. It's impossible to live out a Christian life without God because the standard is too high, perhaps too Holy to be coming out from the very heart of men! Little did I realise that I forgot about God's love (through asking question like why did He allow Dr. Kim to suffer?), I forgot about God's forgiveness (when I felt guilty), I forgot about God's power (when I fear ghost), I tried to do the right thing but cannot, I had no desire to pray or read the word, I sinned. These are signs of carnility. I was shocked. I heard this before, even taught it before but I guess it is time for me to apply the basics, the foundation again. Probably, I forgot that living a Spirit-filled life is a moment by moment thing and not a one off thing. And how can we be filled? Through spiritual breathing. Confess my sins (exhale) and be filled (inhale) by faith based on His command (Eph 5:18) and promise (1 John 5:13-16). I did that. I don't have a emotional high, neither do I felt like a wind gushing through me or something. But later on, I knew something inside me changed. My thoughts and my perspective. It is easier to do the right things or the things that God wants me to do when I'm filled and empowered by the Holy Spirit!
As much as I yearn to be like the many man of faith and of course, the best example Jesus Christ, Himself, I should no longer look at myself but to God. Only He can reveal visions but even before I can have a vision from God like Dr. Kim, I needed to be Spirit-filled (To be controlled and empowered by God). I did pray about it and I guess God needed to lay the foundations in my life right first.
I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength!
Some entries from 2006 (in my personal journal)...
31-1-06
God gave me compassion. He saddened my heart upon hearing last week’s sermon, how the world have become. I cried. How insane human can get. Even more so when u turn on the television and hear how innocent teens playing basketball could be slash by someone they don’t know. Life is vulnerable, unpredictable and fragile. We really don’t know when we have another day to live. It reminded me of a dream. A scary one. Dreamt that one of my friend is about to go… and there I am, helpless, anxious, scared cos I haven’t tell her about Jesus. I was so afraid… I really want to see my friends in heaven… I really love them. When I woke up my heart was still pumping fast. As if it was so real. I sms-ed that particular friend the first thing in the morning and glad she’s alright. I want to tell others about Jesus…
17-7-06
There are 3 very evident things that I know God has provided. One, a pass in my BCLS theory test as I have very limited time to study. Two, God provided me with all my needs, in terms of monetary sense. I find this month especially a blessing even when I’m short of cash but willing to give him my 10% plus a lil love offering. God gave me much more. One, mommy now cooks most of my dinner (I could save that $$) and I had my breakfast most of the time at home (in most cases, daddy would buy food home), which I don’t usually have in the past, so now lunch I don’t eat a lot, cos I’m filled at home. Everyday, I’m filled and full. I’m thankful I don’t have to go hungry. I even have extra cash to bless others, like buying loaker, mic birthday present and spending time with my friends at SIAM kitchen and kbox! And on Sat, 15/7/06, Ken decided to give me a lift in his new car. Again, I saved $$. Then that night, Aunty Laura paid for my bro’s and my supper money, which she insisted! Third, I find myself closer with my classmates and I thank God for that! I pray that He’ll continue to work in my classmates heart! Thank You Jesus! There are more thing to thank God for, like I wasn’t late when meeting Ken, the cab came just in time, I wasn’t late when meeting with Xiao Wan Lin to practice the songs and she did a good job with the music, I thank God even for the desire to pray for others and spend time with Him despite my busyness. I thank God!
7-8-06
Amazing!! I found my wallet today!!! Actually when I prayed on 3rd of Aug, God gave me the assurance that I would find my wallet cos I prayed sth like, please let me dream where I’ve placed it. And He did but jus that I forgot the place when I woke up… after that dream I’m so so sure that I’ll find it… but my dad kept asking me to report lost… and so I doubted my dream after finding and gave up. I reported lost. Relating back to Mylene’s experience, once again, He showed me that He have already heard my prayers the moment I prayed and is working on it… but I lose hope and give easily… and when I does that, I didn’t do what He wants but rather what I want… I just thank God for this lesson… for showing Himself real & evident… I know nothing happened by coincidence but all for His wonderful purpose for my life if I’m willing to surrender to Him. I thank God for the lesson learnt.
10-8-06
My mum came into my room and saw my masterlife book with ants and choc. Worse, its on my bed. Thank God if not I’m gonna sleep with ants.
26-8-06
Wanna give thanks again. I thought I would fail my HS2035 but I passed! Am very, very thankful…
Who's the Centre Of Our Lives? (COOL)
Today, I made a decision to be filled with the Spirit. As Eph 5:18 says, 'Do not be drunk with wine which leads to debuachery instead, be filled with the Spirit'.
Actually, for the past few days or even weeks I've been struggling, often times being frustrated in my Christian walk and work. After reading fireseeds from Korea to the world (2 recent fav books- growing deep in God by Edmund Chan and this!), though in awe of God's awesome miracles in Korea, I was also afraid to live a surrendered life. I remember telling God that I want to surrender my life to Him. But, I doubted that commitment. If I were Dr Kim, will I still be able to trust God despite all that have happened? I doubted myself. I doubt that I would be so strong and firm, so persevering and persistant. I was in fact so faithless that fear gripped me partly also cos of some ghost stories that leaves me repeating, 'Jesus' till I fell asleep and even once, left the lights on. I know this shouldn't be a life of a Christian, living in fear and without faith, boldness and courage to trust God. If Christ is truly in me, I will be victorious and able to overcome all things. Though I was faithless, yet deep in me, I yearn to be big spiritual giants like Dr. Kim and Rev. Edmund Chan. Man of faith who trusted God to accomplish big things and God did it through them. But, due to my past, doubts, lack of faith, I am afraid to make another commitment and to allow God to use me.
I know I'm faithless because I looked at myself. I knew my problem already and often times I wanna change. I want to wake up early to pray, I wanted to fast, I wanted to set aside more time for QT, yet time and again, I overslept or failed to do so. Another problem I had is also I depended on the unreliable- feeling instead of the reliable- God's word. I know that, yet I can't seem to get out of it. I just couldn't do what I want to do and it is so demoralising and frustrating. I tried to read more books/articles for encouragement/motivation but I've missed the point.
However, God being gracious again revealed my problem to me. Only God knows what exactly I needed. Basics. It didn't occured to me that it's the basics. I thought I've progressed much more but now, I realise I couldn't progressed further unless I apply my basics. Yes, I've been missing it, I think, for a long while. No wonder, I realised I'm often trying to live a self-rightoues life and failed so easily. And then, I'll go into self-blame. Then, I go into a spiritual high again, then down. Like running in circles, going no where. Much to my shock, the truth tells me that I'm a carnal Christian which I least expceted it! A carnal Christian is someone who recieves Christ but lives in defeat because he trust his own strength to live a Christian life. It's impossible to live out a Christian life without God because the standard is too high, perhaps too Holy to be coming out from the very heart of men! Little did I realise that I forgot about God's love (through asking question like why did He allow Dr. Kim to suffer?), I forgot about God's forgiveness (when I felt guilty), I forgot about God's power (when I fear ghost), I tried to do the right thing but cannot, I had no desire to pray or read the word, I sinned. These are signs of carnility. I was shocked. I heard this before, even taught it before but I guess it is time for me to apply the basics, the foundation again. Probably, I forgot that living a Spirit-filled life is a moment by moment thing and not a one off thing. And how can we be filled? Through spiritual breathing. Confess my sins (exhale) and be filled (inhale) by faith based on His command (Eph 5:18) and promise (1 John 5:13-16). I did that. I don't have a emotional high, neither do I felt like a wind gushing through me or something. But later on, I knew something inside me changed. My thoughts and my perspective. It is easier to do the right things or the things that God wants me to do when I'm filled and empowered by the Holy Spirit!
As much as I yearn to be like the many man of faith and of course, the best example Jesus Christ, Himself, I should no longer look at myself but to God. Only He can reveal visions but even before I can have a vision from God like Dr. Kim, I needed to be Spirit-filled (To be controlled and empowered by God). I did pray about it and I guess God needed to lay the foundations in my life right first.
I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength!
Tuesday, July 10, 2007
i've been really silent and changhow i'm not dead yet k! joy, life been great though thr's ups and downs, and baolong. alright, i'll link you! :)
guess what am i doing now?
*hint* *hint*
the aroma of chicken boiling,
the mess on the floor, newspaper in fact, stacks of them,
the stillness,
the crikets.
*answers*
i'm finding articles (zzzz), cooking, blogging, thinking in the middle of the night!
almost fell asleep finding articles thus i alternate b/w these to keep myself awake. ha!
*update* *update*
many things have happened over the short span of 1 mth. projects, meetings, plannings, humbling, learning, gatherings, friends...
one vivid incident was planning for intercessors united. i really had no idea what to do. knowing my procastinating nature, i forced myself to sit down and start planning one and a half weeks before, i think and think and prayed and think and think... though points came out but yet nothing flows. it goes on for that one whole week until someone graciously lend me this book- Growing deep in God by Edmund Chan. though at the back of my mind i know prayer is important but i never realise my attitude towards this whole planning. if i were to illustrate in a prayer it would goes like this, "God, please help me, i'm stuck! (though i know that i can do it and think of something if there's more time)"
Here is what was written in the book- In the parable in Like 11:5-8, Jesus has a fascinating way of depositing a kernel of spiritual truth within the story. The posture of spiritual porverty, the essential key to prayer, is alluded in Luke 11:6:"...for the friend of mine has come to me from a journey, and I have nothing to set before him." These three words speak deeply to my heart:" I have nothing". Until we are desperate that we have nothing, prayer will remain incidental or , at best, supplemental in our lives- but it will never fundamental. Only when we truly know that "we have nothing" does prayer takes meaning and power"
Though i may seem humble in many ways yet in many ways i thought i can be self-sufficient, often forgetting the fact that the one who gave me breathe is still God, himself. Without God, my world will stop. Honestly, i guess prayer is only supplementary in my life though he has shown me great things accomplished by the power of prayer.
I spent 2 days praying and honoring Him first and slept with peace knowing that all is in His hands. when i woke up again, i wasn't stuck anymore. thoughts just flowed. suddenly i felt so superficial in my knowledge of the God, of the bible and of prayer. i felt that there's so much to learn!
anyway, generally, projects, meetings and gatherings have been really fun! i do really enjoy people! It has been so funnyly fun! as much as i love the joy of a group, i open up more with a one-to-one companion (someone that i feel comfortable to talk to though). I thank God for people who are willing to take the time and walk the extra mile just to talk. Thank you Da Wan Lin & Jason for sending me to the bus stop. Thank You Si yun for all your care and concerns and for waiting, Thank you Jane for accompanying me to draw money today and being asked, "where is the toilet" (hahaha!), thank you Jolin for the wonderful 969 and MRT rides and the walk to school! I thank God too for people who show little gestures of love. Thanks Li Ting for your kisses, Michelle for your book, Shiqi for your keychain, pencil box, and hp strap! Thanks huiping for inviting me to your wedding (congratulations!), Darina for your highlighter and book, Changhow for asking me to run, Thank you binghao for your card, Mylene for your book and your card that so touches my heart, Thanks for loving me, Thanks Christine for your encouragement... I guess there's still many more. Thanks everyone! You are a joy in my life! THANK GOD FOR YOU! :)
guess what am i doing now?
*hint* *hint*
the aroma of chicken boiling,
the mess on the floor, newspaper in fact, stacks of them,
the stillness,
the crikets.
*answers*
i'm finding articles (zzzz), cooking, blogging, thinking in the middle of the night!
almost fell asleep finding articles thus i alternate b/w these to keep myself awake. ha!
*update* *update*
many things have happened over the short span of 1 mth. projects, meetings, plannings, humbling, learning, gatherings, friends...
one vivid incident was planning for intercessors united. i really had no idea what to do. knowing my procastinating nature, i forced myself to sit down and start planning one and a half weeks before, i think and think and prayed and think and think... though points came out but yet nothing flows. it goes on for that one whole week until someone graciously lend me this book- Growing deep in God by Edmund Chan. though at the back of my mind i know prayer is important but i never realise my attitude towards this whole planning. if i were to illustrate in a prayer it would goes like this, "God, please help me, i'm stuck! (though i know that i can do it and think of something if there's more time)"
Here is what was written in the book- In the parable in Like 11:5-8, Jesus has a fascinating way of depositing a kernel of spiritual truth within the story. The posture of spiritual porverty, the essential key to prayer, is alluded in Luke 11:6:"...for the friend of mine has come to me from a journey, and I have nothing to set before him." These three words speak deeply to my heart:" I have nothing". Until we are desperate that we have nothing, prayer will remain incidental or , at best, supplemental in our lives- but it will never fundamental. Only when we truly know that "we have nothing" does prayer takes meaning and power"
Though i may seem humble in many ways yet in many ways i thought i can be self-sufficient, often forgetting the fact that the one who gave me breathe is still God, himself. Without God, my world will stop. Honestly, i guess prayer is only supplementary in my life though he has shown me great things accomplished by the power of prayer.
I spent 2 days praying and honoring Him first and slept with peace knowing that all is in His hands. when i woke up again, i wasn't stuck anymore. thoughts just flowed. suddenly i felt so superficial in my knowledge of the God, of the bible and of prayer. i felt that there's so much to learn!
anyway, generally, projects, meetings and gatherings have been really fun! i do really enjoy people! It has been so funnyly fun! as much as i love the joy of a group, i open up more with a one-to-one companion (someone that i feel comfortable to talk to though). I thank God for people who are willing to take the time and walk the extra mile just to talk. Thank you Da Wan Lin & Jason for sending me to the bus stop. Thank You Si yun for all your care and concerns and for waiting, Thank you Jane for accompanying me to draw money today and being asked, "where is the toilet" (hahaha!), thank you Jolin for the wonderful 969 and MRT rides and the walk to school! I thank God too for people who show little gestures of love. Thanks Li Ting for your kisses, Michelle for your book, Shiqi for your keychain, pencil box, and hp strap! Thanks huiping for inviting me to your wedding (congratulations!), Darina for your highlighter and book, Changhow for asking me to run, Thank you binghao for your card, Mylene for your book and your card that so touches my heart, Thanks for loving me, Thanks Christine for your encouragement... I guess there's still many more. Thanks everyone! You are a joy in my life! THANK GOD FOR YOU! :)
Saturday, June 02, 2007
God is good. I remembered not long ago I was just feeling so dissapointed, feeling so unworthy of such grace that was given to me, feeling like i'm not up to that standard, His glorious perfect standard (i'm far from it still), felt like i've let God down, felt like i'm such a hypocrite and all, felt like i'm still living in my sinful nature and yet i call myself a christian, felt as if i wasn't chosen or called to do what i am doing, felt like i should be a non-christian instead than disgracing God, felt like i've made so much mistakes, felt like i didn't have what it takes to be what i am, felt like i shouldn't even be where i am because trouble is what i give to others, i felt like a nobody, nothing. everyone else seemed to be something except me. was just so down.
But God is really, really very good. He's been patient with me, very patient. He's been patient with all my faithless questions, he's been patient with all the complains, patient with all the tears, well, He's the only person that i can be 100% honest with, patient even when i'm not patient, patient even when i'm not being faithful, and for even, the many, uncoutable mistakes and all the dissapiontments that i've grieved Him with, yet still, I know that day when He reminded me of the truth again, my life was filled with hope and joy. Now, I really understood the verse which says, "know the truth and the truth shall set you free". Yes, free. I felt so much freedom that day. Free from lies and condemnation i've been living with. Footsteps are lighter and you just wanna SING and Praise GOD!
Dear God,
Thank You for the Truth that tells me I am a child of God, a chosen generation, a royal preisthood, set apart. Truth that tells me that nothing can seperate Your love for me, not even my own failures. Truth that tells me that You will never leave me nor forsake me. Truth that tells me that I have no condemnation in Christ Jesus (and why do i still condemn myself?). Truth that tells me it is in my weaknesses that You are made strong. Thanks for showing me that You did not chose the wise, talented, wonderful and perfect people but You chose people only with a willing heart. You who had chosen me already know my weaknesses and my imperfections. I am actually nothing but You made me into something. Thanks for answering my questions one by one, from, "why didn't you ans my prayer?" to, "how can i stand firm in You?". Thanks for reavealing so much of my weaknesses, I'm humbled and am depending on You day by day to overcome my weaknesses. You showed me that You wants me to grow beyond my failures and i'm so thankful for that. Thank You for showing me people who have gone before me, who have ran, persevered and finished the race. Even as I'm holding the baton, help me to persevere too and finish the race, the race of loving ppl the way You do.
In Jesus Name, Amen.
25 HOURS CAMP
It was a wednesday and a thursday. It started without a big bang, yet it ended with such an impact. The first ever camp planned by freshmen! Games was so fun, love the worship and singsiration! I set 3 objectives. Learnt how to so CE, be convicted of sharing Christ and the boldness to do so. haha. training was so very good. I enjoyed gaining new knowledge that is so useful. I pray that I will use it. I saw that in every 1.73 seconds, people die. And many are plunging into the fiery furnace. It just saddens my heart to hear of this young korean buy who shot 30 of his schmates in virginia tech. A boy filled with much hurts, hatred, anger. If only someone would show him how much Christ loved him...
But God is really, really very good. He's been patient with me, very patient. He's been patient with all my faithless questions, he's been patient with all the complains, patient with all the tears, well, He's the only person that i can be 100% honest with, patient even when i'm not patient, patient even when i'm not being faithful, and for even, the many, uncoutable mistakes and all the dissapiontments that i've grieved Him with, yet still, I know that day when He reminded me of the truth again, my life was filled with hope and joy. Now, I really understood the verse which says, "know the truth and the truth shall set you free". Yes, free. I felt so much freedom that day. Free from lies and condemnation i've been living with. Footsteps are lighter and you just wanna SING and Praise GOD!
Dear God,
Thank You for the Truth that tells me I am a child of God, a chosen generation, a royal preisthood, set apart. Truth that tells me that nothing can seperate Your love for me, not even my own failures. Truth that tells me that You will never leave me nor forsake me. Truth that tells me that I have no condemnation in Christ Jesus (and why do i still condemn myself?). Truth that tells me it is in my weaknesses that You are made strong. Thanks for showing me that You did not chose the wise, talented, wonderful and perfect people but You chose people only with a willing heart. You who had chosen me already know my weaknesses and my imperfections. I am actually nothing but You made me into something. Thanks for answering my questions one by one, from, "why didn't you ans my prayer?" to, "how can i stand firm in You?". Thanks for reavealing so much of my weaknesses, I'm humbled and am depending on You day by day to overcome my weaknesses. You showed me that You wants me to grow beyond my failures and i'm so thankful for that. Thank You for showing me people who have gone before me, who have ran, persevered and finished the race. Even as I'm holding the baton, help me to persevere too and finish the race, the race of loving ppl the way You do.
In Jesus Name, Amen.
25 HOURS CAMP
It was a wednesday and a thursday. It started without a big bang, yet it ended with such an impact. The first ever camp planned by freshmen! Games was so fun, love the worship and singsiration! I set 3 objectives. Learnt how to so CE, be convicted of sharing Christ and the boldness to do so. haha. training was so very good. I enjoyed gaining new knowledge that is so useful. I pray that I will use it. I saw that in every 1.73 seconds, people die. And many are plunging into the fiery furnace. It just saddens my heart to hear of this young korean buy who shot 30 of his schmates in virginia tech. A boy filled with much hurts, hatred, anger. If only someone would show him how much Christ loved him...
Wednesday, May 16, 2007
Sometimes I just felt so dissapointed with myself for being not perfect, for all the weaknesses I see in myself, for trying yet failed. I know everyone makes mistakes but it's not just me but I'm affecting others too. I was rather sorrowful lately, it's something deep that I'm willing to share once I'm ok. I read this, "Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no regret, but worldly sorrow brings death. See what this godly sorrow has produced in you: what earnestness, what eagerness to clear yourselves, what indignation, what alarm, what longing, what concern, what readiness to see justice done." 2 Corinthians 7:10-11. Yes, I thank God for the sorrow. Through my weaknesses that God revealed, I learnt many precious lessons. I learnt that I haven't been firm in what I believed in. Scanning of lanyards for my friends which I thought isn't right bcos 1. it affects their studies. scanning also means i play a part too. 2. i always believed in honesty is the best policy. 3. the 10 commandment says so, "do not lie" but yet I did it. Also, I learnt that i'm not a very initiative person. God reminded of my TL during my first mission trip, how he took the initiative to do things, etc. I learnt again. I did not fulfill my responsibilities. I learnt that it is beyond myself to do all these. For this, I'm more humbled than ever, depending on God more than ever, praying more than ever. Yet, I thank God for all the distress, troubles, sleepless nights because I've learnt from God. I know that the weaknesses that He've shown me is not to condemn me but it really to change and renew me inside out to be the person He wants me to be. I felt that God is really moulding me this year. God revealed to me more of my weaknesses that He wants me to change. He is like the potter, shaping me with His hands, this year even more intense. Though it is not gonna be an easy process, somtimes even stressful and painful but I trust in Him because He saw through the lump of clay which is me and sees my potential. More than a lump of clay, He saw a beautiful vase.
dying, and yet we live on;
sorrowful, yet always rejoicing;
having nothing, and yet possessing everything. 2 Corinthians 6:9-10
dying, and yet we live on;
sorrowful, yet always rejoicing;
having nothing, and yet possessing everything. 2 Corinthians 6:9-10
Sunday, April 29, 2007
Time is precious and running.
School work is piling, overwhelming.
Stress is rising.
These, I leave it at His feet because He says, "Cast all your cares upon Me because I care for you." 1 Peter 5:70
In God I trust,
because I know that these are things I cannot handle on my own.
When I seek Him, I hear Him. When I trust Him, I experience His awesome power. And all the more, I will praise Him.
Just like how He provides for the birds in the air, I take comfort in Him, Creator of the universe, knowing that He will hold my hand to the very end because He said, "I will never leave you nor forsake you."
Indescibable by Chris Tomlin
From the highest of heights to the depths of the sea
Creation's revealing Your majesty
From the colors of fall to the fragrance of spring
Every creature unique in the song that it sings
All exclaiming
Indescribable, uncontainable
You placed the stars in the sky and you know them by name
You are amazing God
All powerful, untamable
Awestruck we fall to our knees as we humbly proclaim
You are amazing God
Who has told every lightning bolt where it should go
Or seen heavenly storehouses laden with snow
Who imagined the sun and gives source to its light
Yet conceals it to bring us the coolness of night
None can fathom
Indescribable, uncontainable
You placed the stars in the sky and you know them by name
You are amazing God
Incomparible, unchangable
You see the depth of my heart and you love me the same
You are amazing God
You are amazing God
"Yes, and I will ever trust You, amazing God!"
In His love~
School work is piling, overwhelming.
Stress is rising.
These, I leave it at His feet because He says, "Cast all your cares upon Me because I care for you." 1 Peter 5:70
In God I trust,
because I know that these are things I cannot handle on my own.
When I seek Him, I hear Him. When I trust Him, I experience His awesome power. And all the more, I will praise Him.
Just like how He provides for the birds in the air, I take comfort in Him, Creator of the universe, knowing that He will hold my hand to the very end because He said, "I will never leave you nor forsake you."
Indescibable by Chris Tomlin
From the highest of heights to the depths of the sea
Creation's revealing Your majesty
From the colors of fall to the fragrance of spring
Every creature unique in the song that it sings
All exclaiming
Indescribable, uncontainable
You placed the stars in the sky and you know them by name
You are amazing God
All powerful, untamable
Awestruck we fall to our knees as we humbly proclaim
You are amazing God
Who has told every lightning bolt where it should go
Or seen heavenly storehouses laden with snow
Who imagined the sun and gives source to its light
Yet conceals it to bring us the coolness of night
None can fathom
Indescribable, uncontainable
You placed the stars in the sky and you know them by name
You are amazing God
Incomparible, unchangable
You see the depth of my heart and you love me the same
You are amazing God
You are amazing God
"Yes, and I will ever trust You, amazing God!"
In His love~
Sunday, April 22, 2007
haha. its been a week since sch started. well, it seems like time really passes very quickly during the recent break. 3 weeks of st johns and 1 week in china. well, its been really tedious and draining physically, mentatlly, spiritually and emotionally when com training became intensive, adding on, parental objections. well, results wasn't satisfying as well. i placed sj as my priority those weeks instead of God. to look a little positive, the only satisfying thing was i enjoyed my girls very much and became much closer to them thru all these.
anw, when the trip is drawing nearer, i felt unprepared physically, mentatlly, spiritually and emotionally. 24th finished com, had dinner and went home late, was very tired and disheartened, 25th was team meet, 26th packed and 27th dawn flying off? this is my most unprepared trip! didnt even inform most ppl that i'm leaving. i felt very unsettled. i felt like i've been rushing from places to places and haven't quietened down myself before God. i felt faithless and without strength then. felt so far from God. i know i needed God during the trip definately cos it's gonna be a tough one. i felt like i have nth to give the ppl over there. but i'm glad we had team meet on 25th. and i'm glad we prayed for one another.
well, first day was rather tired. wanted to sleep in the hotel when some of the team went to buy some last min stuff but ended up talking most of the time. haha. but i'm glad we did so. i ended up sharing how i was so changed and impacted over the last 2 trips and hearing from another girl how her life was so changed by God too. suddenly, i felt so encouraged by my own sharings as well as from the other girl. i thank God that He reminded me once again how He has been so real in my life before. At once, I realised that even though I left him for my own desires like getting a champ for sj fa com, yet He has never left me and never let me go... no matter how i strayed, He still loved me. Thank God for His unconditional love. i was touched, encouraged and strengthened, knowing that my God is still with me! At this point i was reminded that God doesnt need our service. He is not interested at what we can give (ultimately all we have is His) but He is more interested in our growth. We had dinner at a local missionary's home. Upon entering, we could really feel the love of God in his family, their warmth and sincerity touches our hearts. His wife shared about how God showed them this place that they do not even know and how God led them there. Their hometown was very far from China. They did not wanted to go at first but after much comfirmation from God, they gave up good paying jobs and obeyed God's calling. It was encouraging how they seek God in their decision making process and how God sustained and provided for whatever they needed as they trusted God and looked beyond their uncertainties.
The second day, we travelled around 6-7 hours through unpaved roads, 2800m above sea level, up the mountains into the village. it was like an OSIM (bumpy roads!) ride. but i was amazed at God's creation. i literally exclaimed! i had a singing partner in the van and we hear from one another how our lives were so changed and how we came to know and believed God. i was encouraged by what God has done in her life as well as her family, how she realised her dad was changed after he believed, how her usual symtoms of overseas illness just dissapear during this trip! it was so amazing! occasional stopover for toilet breaks exposed us to some "wow" toilets. no cubicles. only walls at the height of your waist between each squatty. and it had a wow smell. :) anw, upon reaching, we headed for lunch. a late lunch. (hungry!). then, it was the start of our clinic, english classes and hygiene talk. i was helping out at the clinic. but i felt i was very mechanical, like i wasn't really doing it with love but rather bcos it was a task. So that night i thank God for the opportunity to had a long talk with Him one to one, i was really pouring out what was within me and i realised that my heart was hardened. i prayed and ask God to soften my heart again and that His love will flow thru me to the children.
The third day was a diff experience! I felt love for the children. at the same time, i was also burdend bcos they did not know God. The God who created them and loved them for who they are and wants to have a personal relationship with them, the God who can give them life and peace and joy in their spirits and the God who saves. We prayed for them, trusting God to harvest these seeds of love one day. The day passed quickly. We enjoyed their enthusiasm and willingness to learn, even their thankfulness to little gifts we gave them. The docs were great too, patiently, gently, they loved each one of them by their actions. When we were leaving, we heard the kids calling our names and waving from afar. We waved back. My heart melted. We wanted to stay longer but we had to leave. Concurrently there were also some spiritual warefare going on. Some ppl fell sick and some discouraged (this is definately not from God). Of cos, we had our weapons- Prayer. Jesus's name is powerful. Everything was fine again. Thank God! That night we got to hear from another local missionary too. He shared about how he recieved Christ and how his life was changed. Though he had a good paying job too, but he felt that life wasnt satisfying. He shared how God had brought him to a place and how God placed a burden in his heart. As he was sharing with us that burden, many of us cried (girls and guys alike) bcos we felt it in our hearts so strongly too. it couldn't be us, such great compassion filled our hearts. God allowed us to experience His burden for His people. we prayed for them.
Fourth day, after we had finished screening the whole sch, we went to another village. it was a much smaller school so we had much more interactions like playing "eagles catch chicken? (in chi)", asking them to teach us some songs (they are an enthusiastic lot!), table tennis, etc. toilets conditions was worse but we managed to survive.:) we skipped lunch, had energy bars and travelled back to the city. again, 7-8 hours. this time i had cramps. i prayed and sleep. half-asleep. i seemed to be able to hear ppl talking. but when i woke up the pain is gone, totally. back to hotel- sleep.
Fifth. we went to watch panda!!! so so so so so cute! wasnt really fond of them till i see the real ones! haha. took lotsa funny pic. even there, i saw a sunday sch song lyrics printed on a banner, "All things bright and beautiful, all creation big and small, all things wise and wonderful... the Lord God made them all" erm of course the last sentence was replaced with dots. but it was still encouraging, knowing that God is working all around. We had dinner with the local Christians and had an awesome time hearing about how they know God and how their lives was changed. It's amazing how God can even work in a communist country. Some of us went home visit too. A new believer having doubts and doesnt understand y things happened the way it is. i realized that i was very fearful bcos i wasnt fluent in my Chinese language. but i prayed that we will not just sit there and do nth, but God will use us to encourage the ppl there too. by His power and grace, through His Holy Spirit, He used us and gave us the words to say and pray.
Sixth, we attended an international church where we worshipped God together with people around the globe. met a few singaporeans too. we had lunch at the local missionary's house again! we swept the plates clean this time round! we had a little sharing session and even at that place, many of us were touched and we teared again. i could only attribute that to the fact that the spirit of God had softened and moved our hearts because most of us would have hardened our hearts as we grew up but even adults hearts were softened. The team consisted of students from diff campuses as well as working adults, eg, doctors, sociologist, early childhood teacher... it is amazing how we were bonded and united through Christ. i also realised that there are humble, nice docs ard too, very unlike the ones i usually met in the wards. anw, we went to rest and relax after that but its only a few hours and we are back at the airport heading home. no time for dinner too. thank God for snikers bar! haha. the flight food suddenly seems so yummy! :) oh another thing, we bonded with the drivers who drove us ard too and this particular driver whom i'm quite fond of actually gave each and everyone of us a panda bear!!! now i love both panda and pooh!!! haha :)
overall, i'm glad to have the privilege of catching a glimpse of how God is working and moving in china and how He loved the china people too! As much as we give, i felt so much more blessed to recieve so much too. I'm thankful also for the missionaries and local christains in china. usually i would only be able to read about such great lives and testimonies on books but this time i really got to hear from them and see how their lives are changed! i see their surrendered lives and willingness to please God. many people may say that they have sacrificed much but i'm sure that they will say they are so much more blessed and so much richer! just like how i thought i shouldnt have signed up for this trip looking at my schedule but God has blessed me so much more and made me richer as i took this step of faith to trust him! As i touched down in spore, i was physically tired but i spitritually strong in God and emotionally still excited! so, i went thru the first day of attachment on the day i touched down! thank God i went thru it. i thought i would fall asleep or sth.
When i'm back, sad to say, i was caught up with the business of life again. though i'm so much better at organising my time now (cos of this skill i've learnt as a leader in crusade) but i realised i ended up being more task focused than God focused. i didnt wanted it to be this way. i really want to deepen in my relationship with God but sometimes the urgency of things just made me sacrifice the time with God. thank God he made me realised, that when this happens, i missed the whole point of doing what i'm doing. so i decided to talk to God about it. this time he was silent but later he brought me to a verse in Romans 7:14-15, "We know that the law is spiritual; but I am unspiritual, sold as a slave to sin. I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do." even Paul struggled with his sinful nature. but he showed us why this happens later in Romans 8:5-8, "Those who live according to the sinful nature have their minds set on what that nature desires; but those who live in accordance with the Spirit have their minds set on what the Spirit desires. The mind of sinful man is death, but the mind controlled by the Spirit is life and peace; the sinful mind is hostile to God. It does not submit to God's law, nor can it do so. Those controlled by the sinful nature cannot please God." How timely this passage came! It ans my qns! the reason why i do not feel like spending time with God is bcos of my sinful nature or most ppl says, human nature. it made me realised that i am not spirit-filled or not always controlled by the spirit even though i thought i am. it some ways, i am still carnal. so i confessed to God and asked him to change me to really do what the Spirit pleases, that my heart will be so tender towards God and that i will be able feel what He's feeling.
Today i learnt something too, in 1 corinthians 1:26-31"Brothers, think of what you were when you were called. Not many of you were wise by human standards; not many were influential; not many were of noble birth. But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong. He chose the lowly things of this world and the despised things—and the things that are not—to nullify the things that are, so that no one may boast before him. It is because of him that you are in Christ Jesus, who has become for us wisdom from God—that is, our righteousness, holiness and redemption. Therefore, as it is written: "Let him who boasts boast in the Lord." I think its so true for me and for many of the christian leaders. we were not some wise, influential ppl at first but God is continually moulding us and making us grow even as we choose to trust him. He gave us so much more than we gave Him. I felt that I've grown so much in thinking, in life, in love, in speech, in skills, in wisdom, in knowledge, in character, in attitudes, in just every area of my life! Recently God has also showed me that I haven't been fully using the things that He have given me. He gave me books and notes and wonderful, helpful friends yet i did not bother to study, except a day before. i've always thought that results is not impt, what matters is relationships and making a diff in ppl's lives, etc. i was active in other ppl's lives. thank God, by His grace, i still mangaed to pass. He has sustained me all these while and made me realised that he placed me here to study in a timely year 3, the critical year! Thank God! He showed me through this mission trip how useful medical knowledge can be. Everything in His plan has a purpose. Even as He has given me so much, I will use them for His glory!
haha... wow i didnt realise it is so late now. i got too excited writing and got carried away! haha...
salute to you if you are able to read this far... haha.
i'm so rich!*
in His love... :)
anw, when the trip is drawing nearer, i felt unprepared physically, mentatlly, spiritually and emotionally. 24th finished com, had dinner and went home late, was very tired and disheartened, 25th was team meet, 26th packed and 27th dawn flying off? this is my most unprepared trip! didnt even inform most ppl that i'm leaving. i felt very unsettled. i felt like i've been rushing from places to places and haven't quietened down myself before God. i felt faithless and without strength then. felt so far from God. i know i needed God during the trip definately cos it's gonna be a tough one. i felt like i have nth to give the ppl over there. but i'm glad we had team meet on 25th. and i'm glad we prayed for one another.
well, first day was rather tired. wanted to sleep in the hotel when some of the team went to buy some last min stuff but ended up talking most of the time. haha. but i'm glad we did so. i ended up sharing how i was so changed and impacted over the last 2 trips and hearing from another girl how her life was so changed by God too. suddenly, i felt so encouraged by my own sharings as well as from the other girl. i thank God that He reminded me once again how He has been so real in my life before. At once, I realised that even though I left him for my own desires like getting a champ for sj fa com, yet He has never left me and never let me go... no matter how i strayed, He still loved me. Thank God for His unconditional love. i was touched, encouraged and strengthened, knowing that my God is still with me! At this point i was reminded that God doesnt need our service. He is not interested at what we can give (ultimately all we have is His) but He is more interested in our growth. We had dinner at a local missionary's home. Upon entering, we could really feel the love of God in his family, their warmth and sincerity touches our hearts. His wife shared about how God showed them this place that they do not even know and how God led them there. Their hometown was very far from China. They did not wanted to go at first but after much comfirmation from God, they gave up good paying jobs and obeyed God's calling. It was encouraging how they seek God in their decision making process and how God sustained and provided for whatever they needed as they trusted God and looked beyond their uncertainties.
The second day, we travelled around 6-7 hours through unpaved roads, 2800m above sea level, up the mountains into the village. it was like an OSIM (bumpy roads!) ride. but i was amazed at God's creation. i literally exclaimed! i had a singing partner in the van and we hear from one another how our lives were so changed and how we came to know and believed God. i was encouraged by what God has done in her life as well as her family, how she realised her dad was changed after he believed, how her usual symtoms of overseas illness just dissapear during this trip! it was so amazing! occasional stopover for toilet breaks exposed us to some "wow" toilets. no cubicles. only walls at the height of your waist between each squatty. and it had a wow smell. :) anw, upon reaching, we headed for lunch. a late lunch. (hungry!). then, it was the start of our clinic, english classes and hygiene talk. i was helping out at the clinic. but i felt i was very mechanical, like i wasn't really doing it with love but rather bcos it was a task. So that night i thank God for the opportunity to had a long talk with Him one to one, i was really pouring out what was within me and i realised that my heart was hardened. i prayed and ask God to soften my heart again and that His love will flow thru me to the children.
The third day was a diff experience! I felt love for the children. at the same time, i was also burdend bcos they did not know God. The God who created them and loved them for who they are and wants to have a personal relationship with them, the God who can give them life and peace and joy in their spirits and the God who saves. We prayed for them, trusting God to harvest these seeds of love one day. The day passed quickly. We enjoyed their enthusiasm and willingness to learn, even their thankfulness to little gifts we gave them. The docs were great too, patiently, gently, they loved each one of them by their actions. When we were leaving, we heard the kids calling our names and waving from afar. We waved back. My heart melted. We wanted to stay longer but we had to leave. Concurrently there were also some spiritual warefare going on. Some ppl fell sick and some discouraged (this is definately not from God). Of cos, we had our weapons- Prayer. Jesus's name is powerful. Everything was fine again. Thank God! That night we got to hear from another local missionary too. He shared about how he recieved Christ and how his life was changed. Though he had a good paying job too, but he felt that life wasnt satisfying. He shared how God had brought him to a place and how God placed a burden in his heart. As he was sharing with us that burden, many of us cried (girls and guys alike) bcos we felt it in our hearts so strongly too. it couldn't be us, such great compassion filled our hearts. God allowed us to experience His burden for His people. we prayed for them.
Fourth day, after we had finished screening the whole sch, we went to another village. it was a much smaller school so we had much more interactions like playing "eagles catch chicken? (in chi)", asking them to teach us some songs (they are an enthusiastic lot!), table tennis, etc. toilets conditions was worse but we managed to survive.:) we skipped lunch, had energy bars and travelled back to the city. again, 7-8 hours. this time i had cramps. i prayed and sleep. half-asleep. i seemed to be able to hear ppl talking. but when i woke up the pain is gone, totally. back to hotel- sleep.
Fifth. we went to watch panda!!! so so so so so cute! wasnt really fond of them till i see the real ones! haha. took lotsa funny pic. even there, i saw a sunday sch song lyrics printed on a banner, "All things bright and beautiful, all creation big and small, all things wise and wonderful... the Lord God made them all" erm of course the last sentence was replaced with dots. but it was still encouraging, knowing that God is working all around. We had dinner with the local Christians and had an awesome time hearing about how they know God and how their lives was changed. It's amazing how God can even work in a communist country. Some of us went home visit too. A new believer having doubts and doesnt understand y things happened the way it is. i realized that i was very fearful bcos i wasnt fluent in my Chinese language. but i prayed that we will not just sit there and do nth, but God will use us to encourage the ppl there too. by His power and grace, through His Holy Spirit, He used us and gave us the words to say and pray.
Sixth, we attended an international church where we worshipped God together with people around the globe. met a few singaporeans too. we had lunch at the local missionary's house again! we swept the plates clean this time round! we had a little sharing session and even at that place, many of us were touched and we teared again. i could only attribute that to the fact that the spirit of God had softened and moved our hearts because most of us would have hardened our hearts as we grew up but even adults hearts were softened. The team consisted of students from diff campuses as well as working adults, eg, doctors, sociologist, early childhood teacher... it is amazing how we were bonded and united through Christ. i also realised that there are humble, nice docs ard too, very unlike the ones i usually met in the wards. anw, we went to rest and relax after that but its only a few hours and we are back at the airport heading home. no time for dinner too. thank God for snikers bar! haha. the flight food suddenly seems so yummy! :) oh another thing, we bonded with the drivers who drove us ard too and this particular driver whom i'm quite fond of actually gave each and everyone of us a panda bear!!! now i love both panda and pooh!!! haha :)
overall, i'm glad to have the privilege of catching a glimpse of how God is working and moving in china and how He loved the china people too! As much as we give, i felt so much more blessed to recieve so much too. I'm thankful also for the missionaries and local christains in china. usually i would only be able to read about such great lives and testimonies on books but this time i really got to hear from them and see how their lives are changed! i see their surrendered lives and willingness to please God. many people may say that they have sacrificed much but i'm sure that they will say they are so much more blessed and so much richer! just like how i thought i shouldnt have signed up for this trip looking at my schedule but God has blessed me so much more and made me richer as i took this step of faith to trust him! As i touched down in spore, i was physically tired but i spitritually strong in God and emotionally still excited! so, i went thru the first day of attachment on the day i touched down! thank God i went thru it. i thought i would fall asleep or sth.
When i'm back, sad to say, i was caught up with the business of life again. though i'm so much better at organising my time now (cos of this skill i've learnt as a leader in crusade) but i realised i ended up being more task focused than God focused. i didnt wanted it to be this way. i really want to deepen in my relationship with God but sometimes the urgency of things just made me sacrifice the time with God. thank God he made me realised, that when this happens, i missed the whole point of doing what i'm doing. so i decided to talk to God about it. this time he was silent but later he brought me to a verse in Romans 7:14-15, "We know that the law is spiritual; but I am unspiritual, sold as a slave to sin. I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do." even Paul struggled with his sinful nature. but he showed us why this happens later in Romans 8:5-8, "Those who live according to the sinful nature have their minds set on what that nature desires; but those who live in accordance with the Spirit have their minds set on what the Spirit desires. The mind of sinful man is death, but the mind controlled by the Spirit is life and peace; the sinful mind is hostile to God. It does not submit to God's law, nor can it do so. Those controlled by the sinful nature cannot please God." How timely this passage came! It ans my qns! the reason why i do not feel like spending time with God is bcos of my sinful nature or most ppl says, human nature. it made me realised that i am not spirit-filled or not always controlled by the spirit even though i thought i am. it some ways, i am still carnal. so i confessed to God and asked him to change me to really do what the Spirit pleases, that my heart will be so tender towards God and that i will be able feel what He's feeling.
Today i learnt something too, in 1 corinthians 1:26-31"Brothers, think of what you were when you were called. Not many of you were wise by human standards; not many were influential; not many were of noble birth. But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong. He chose the lowly things of this world and the despised things—and the things that are not—to nullify the things that are, so that no one may boast before him. It is because of him that you are in Christ Jesus, who has become for us wisdom from God—that is, our righteousness, holiness and redemption. Therefore, as it is written: "Let him who boasts boast in the Lord." I think its so true for me and for many of the christian leaders. we were not some wise, influential ppl at first but God is continually moulding us and making us grow even as we choose to trust him. He gave us so much more than we gave Him. I felt that I've grown so much in thinking, in life, in love, in speech, in skills, in wisdom, in knowledge, in character, in attitudes, in just every area of my life! Recently God has also showed me that I haven't been fully using the things that He have given me. He gave me books and notes and wonderful, helpful friends yet i did not bother to study, except a day before. i've always thought that results is not impt, what matters is relationships and making a diff in ppl's lives, etc. i was active in other ppl's lives. thank God, by His grace, i still mangaed to pass. He has sustained me all these while and made me realised that he placed me here to study in a timely year 3, the critical year! Thank God! He showed me through this mission trip how useful medical knowledge can be. Everything in His plan has a purpose. Even as He has given me so much, I will use them for His glory!
haha... wow i didnt realise it is so late now. i got too excited writing and got carried away! haha...
salute to you if you are able to read this far... haha.
i'm so rich!*
in His love... :)
Sunday, April 15, 2007
just been back from a great trip! it was just so awesome being so close to nature! God's awesome creation! so majestic, so marvelous, so indescribable...
The mountains, the stars, the valleys, the waters...
and the pandas too...
(hey enlarge this! "All things bright and beautiful, all creation big and small, all things wise and wonderful... the Lord God made them all! :)" )
it's a wonderful privilege to spread LOVE all around!
to meet different people...
from strangers
to friends
bonded by LOVE
though tired
but happy
each and everyone of us left the place changed and impacted
never like before...
The mountains, the stars, the valleys, the waters...
and the pandas too...
(hey enlarge this! "All things bright and beautiful, all creation big and small, all things wise and wonderful... the Lord God made them all! :)" )
it's a wonderful privilege to spread LOVE all around!
to meet different people...
from strangers
to friends
bonded by LOVE
though tired
but happy
each and everyone of us left the place changed and impacted
never like before...
Monday, March 12, 2007
Sunday, March 11, 2007
Sunday, February 25, 2007
I thank God because He works in ways I never expected. It's true everything happens for a reason. It's true that when there is nothing left but God, that is when you realise that you really need God. Well, several lessons I've learnt this past few weeks. Spiritually, I'm burdened. Physically, I'm tired. It's common to tell yourself, "trust God" and do what you think it's best without being still and listen for directions from Whom you trust. I thought it was easy, I thought I know what's wrong, I thought I could solve it. Hear the "I"s? I know I was self-centered. But when things doesnt go the way I expected, I raised my hands. Helpless, I surrendered. Burdened, I prayed. Though things doesn't change immediately but i'm comforted and am happy when my friend is out of depression. I realised that God works in subtle ways and unless you are spiritually discerned, you'll miss it. Even in my lowest times, sms-es/calls/emails came very timely, even when the other party doesn't know what's happening in my life, they'll call and pray for me. It directs my focus and encourages me. Thanks for your prayers and thanks for allowing God to work thru you. There's so much more to say, as always, but I'm gonna stop here.
Happy Chinese New Year to all! May you enjoy your visitations, and know that it's about genuine LOVE, if not you'll miss out on the greatest thing in life.
Warmest Wishes. :)
Happy Chinese New Year to all! May you enjoy your visitations, and know that it's about genuine LOVE, if not you'll miss out on the greatest thing in life.
Warmest Wishes. :)
Sunday, February 11, 2007
procastination?
when procastination gets a hold on me
i thought i could live without God for just a day,
and a day,
and a day,
and 2 weeks passed...
i ignored that still, small voice...
no matter how weak i am, i thought i could get back up again like i always do with God
but this time, i've never let God bring me back
"God wait, i'll talk to u & hear frm u after this show... it's too exciting to miss", then after the show i'll go, "God, wait, i need rest, i'll talk to u & hear frm u tmr k" & it goes on day after day.
i gave myself self-motivation but it was futile.
no matter how i've wasted my time today, i'll always tell myself to spend my time wisely tmr but when tmr comes, i repeat what i did today
i can b happy for awhile but what's deep inside which i nvr want to bother would still take control at times.
the feeling of happiness seems temporal & meaningless, like chasing after the wind.
things that was once dimmed in the light now becomes tempting for thought.
oh, how i missed the times...
a part of me so much wanted to let go and let God but the other part says, it's ok, i can still handle these myself.
but i'm glad all these come to an end. i thank God for stressors so strong that i couldn't take it anymore. it crushed my spirit and breaks me down so i can really come back to God as nothing, realising my fragility, my weaknesses.
how true...
"The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit."
Psalms 34:18
i'm humbled once again. humbled enough to admit that i need God. humbled enough to ask others to pray for me. humbled enough to recieve His grace.
it is in time like this that i find Him so real & true to His promise. He said, "i will never leave you nor forsake you" hebrews 13:5
thanks bro & sis for praying for me. you can't imagine how God have worked thru you!
do cont, to keep me in prayer. pray that God will break my stronghold of procastination. pray that i'll have a diligent spirit. that i'll be patient and hold on to His promise. for faith to allow Him to work thru me. for a humble and pure heart, being righteous and blameless... walking upright in Him, living a life that pleases Him. oh, & a prayer i'd used to always pray... that if i go astray from Him, He will bring me back to Him. i do not want to harden my hearts and forget God like the Isrealites but to always remember His goodness & faithfulness in my life.
Dear Heavenly Father, i thank You for Your promise that if we confess our sins, You are faithful and just to forgive us and cleanse us of all unrighteousness. I thank You that You are not some distant and cold God that gives us rules and regulations to follow but You are a God that wants us to do good yet also understand the fragility and weaknesses of human. Each time we fail, You said, "My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is made perfect in your weakness." thank You for Your faithfulness. thank You for comforting me, encouraging me, strengthening me, and moulding me. thank You for using ppl ard me to be a blessing to me. thank You for answering my prayers as well as prayers of my bro & sis. thank You for bringing me back to You... i'm ever so grateful
full of thanks*
i thought i could live without God for just a day,
and a day,
and a day,
and 2 weeks passed...
i ignored that still, small voice...
no matter how weak i am, i thought i could get back up again like i always do with God
but this time, i've never let God bring me back
"God wait, i'll talk to u & hear frm u after this show... it's too exciting to miss", then after the show i'll go, "God, wait, i need rest, i'll talk to u & hear frm u tmr k" & it goes on day after day.
i gave myself self-motivation but it was futile.
no matter how i've wasted my time today, i'll always tell myself to spend my time wisely tmr but when tmr comes, i repeat what i did today
i can b happy for awhile but what's deep inside which i nvr want to bother would still take control at times.
the feeling of happiness seems temporal & meaningless, like chasing after the wind.
things that was once dimmed in the light now becomes tempting for thought.
oh, how i missed the times...
a part of me so much wanted to let go and let God but the other part says, it's ok, i can still handle these myself.
but i'm glad all these come to an end. i thank God for stressors so strong that i couldn't take it anymore. it crushed my spirit and breaks me down so i can really come back to God as nothing, realising my fragility, my weaknesses.
how true...
"The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit."
Psalms 34:18
i'm humbled once again. humbled enough to admit that i need God. humbled enough to ask others to pray for me. humbled enough to recieve His grace.
it is in time like this that i find Him so real & true to His promise. He said, "i will never leave you nor forsake you" hebrews 13:5
thanks bro & sis for praying for me. you can't imagine how God have worked thru you!
do cont, to keep me in prayer. pray that God will break my stronghold of procastination. pray that i'll have a diligent spirit. that i'll be patient and hold on to His promise. for faith to allow Him to work thru me. for a humble and pure heart, being righteous and blameless... walking upright in Him, living a life that pleases Him. oh, & a prayer i'd used to always pray... that if i go astray from Him, He will bring me back to Him. i do not want to harden my hearts and forget God like the Isrealites but to always remember His goodness & faithfulness in my life.
Dear Heavenly Father, i thank You for Your promise that if we confess our sins, You are faithful and just to forgive us and cleanse us of all unrighteousness. I thank You that You are not some distant and cold God that gives us rules and regulations to follow but You are a God that wants us to do good yet also understand the fragility and weaknesses of human. Each time we fail, You said, "My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is made perfect in your weakness." thank You for Your faithfulness. thank You for comforting me, encouraging me, strengthening me, and moulding me. thank You for using ppl ard me to be a blessing to me. thank You for answering my prayers as well as prayers of my bro & sis. thank You for bringing me back to You... i'm ever so grateful
full of thanks*
Tuesday, January 23, 2007
i'm just very very thankful for my bio prac. it couldnt be me. i'm not so smart. neither did i studied alot. based on my own efforts i thought i would fail or maybe jus pass. i started studying later than last sem and last sem i got a D. but i believe God is working through me. i simply prayed that my results will glorify God.
initially, i was quite afraid that my results would not be a good testimony to others. i didn't excel academically all these while. i was afraid being an ST would be worse. i was afraid of commiting my time for God's work and purpose in my life would affect my results. so i prayed to God while deciding between being an ST and my studies (cos i noe bad results doesnt glorify God as well).
but one fine day, as i was reading a book, this verse pop out and spoke to my heart.
"But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well."
Matt 6:33
immediately, i took that step of faith.
after all these, i realise that it is really not what i can do for God but what God can do through me if i allow Him to.
why did i doubted God in the first place? He's so much greater and bigger than i thought...
i'm touched.
initially, i was quite afraid that my results would not be a good testimony to others. i didn't excel academically all these while. i was afraid being an ST would be worse. i was afraid of commiting my time for God's work and purpose in my life would affect my results. so i prayed to God while deciding between being an ST and my studies (cos i noe bad results doesnt glorify God as well).
but one fine day, as i was reading a book, this verse pop out and spoke to my heart.
"But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well."
Matt 6:33
immediately, i took that step of faith.
after all these, i realise that it is really not what i can do for God but what God can do through me if i allow Him to.
why did i doubted God in the first place? He's so much greater and bigger than i thought...
i'm touched.
Wednesday, January 17, 2007
jus wanna thank God for His grace many many times. many times i should have face the consequences but He delivered me out. He is merciful and always faithful.
of all that i can rem these few weeks:
hp (found it 2 days after in my pocket... lol. like jus in front of me but i couldnt see)
cough (was coughing every night till i cant slp. but was healed aft asking ppl to pray)
minor sprain (fell down the stairs. pain for awhile and was ok. but while walking back hm, pain starts again. but was healed completely)
presentation (He took away my fear while presenting. was very sacred before and aft)
test and exams (limited study time but He brought me thru)
prayer prep (managed to do it just in time despite church and SJ all during the weekends)
p & w prep (managed to do it just in time despite of cant access to internet, almost lost my thumbdrive, exams...)
bad mens cramp (dissapeared completely after awhile of praying)
thumbdrive (left it at e plaza but God preserve it)
i know He's always there. :)
"I have set the Lord always before me.
Becuase he is at my right hand,
I will not be shaken.
Therefore my heart is glad and my tongue rejoices;
my body will also rest secure"
Ps. 16:8-9
of all that i can rem these few weeks:
hp (found it 2 days after in my pocket... lol. like jus in front of me but i couldnt see)
cough (was coughing every night till i cant slp. but was healed aft asking ppl to pray)
minor sprain (fell down the stairs. pain for awhile and was ok. but while walking back hm, pain starts again. but was healed completely)
presentation (He took away my fear while presenting. was very sacred before and aft)
test and exams (limited study time but He brought me thru)
prayer prep (managed to do it just in time despite church and SJ all during the weekends)
p & w prep (managed to do it just in time despite of cant access to internet, almost lost my thumbdrive, exams...)
bad mens cramp (dissapeared completely after awhile of praying)
thumbdrive (left it at e plaza but God preserve it)
i know He's always there. :)
"I have set the Lord always before me.
Becuase he is at my right hand,
I will not be shaken.
Therefore my heart is glad and my tongue rejoices;
my body will also rest secure"
Ps. 16:8-9
Thursday, January 11, 2007
The Five Love Languages
My primary love language is probablyQuality Time
with a secondary love language being
Words of Affirmation.
Complete set of results
| Quality Time: | 11 | |
| Words of Affirmation: | 7 | |
| Physical Touch: | 5 | |
| Receiving Gifts: | 4 | |
| Acts of Service: | 3 |
Information
Unhappiness in relationships, according to Dr. Gary Chapman, is often due to the fact that we speak different love languages. Sometimes we don't understand our partner's requirements, or even our own. We all have a "love tank" that needs to be filled in order for us to express love to others, but there are different means by which our tank can be filled, and there are different ways that we can express love to others.Take the quiz
Friday, January 05, 2007
Thursday, January 04, 2007
heh. its been awhile i've been updating. haha. been enjoying myself... ha. i love camps. esp, christian camps. even though you are tired physically, there's somthing inside you tt's being renewed and refreshed. And that's probably the thing i need. not an emotional high or an excitement for a few days but really, a touch from God. i thank God for all the things i've went thru and that i was made a stronger and mature person inside.
it started of with 18 dec to 24 dec. well. just to share the main thing that i brought home, that is faith. faith to trust, faith to pray, faith to believe. i may seem to be a very devoted christian, being involve in this and that and going to church every week. but it doesn't mean i have lotsa faith. it is natural to have faith in the things that we can see. but the bible says, 'blessed is the man who have faith in the things that he cannot see'. even though i want to have faith in the things i can't see, i find it hard. so by God's grace, He miraculously add unto me faith. how? through God. heh. God uses experience and sermons.
first, i felt a burden to pray for my friend who's having blocked ears but i didnt dare to go upfront and pray for her. so happen that the sermon is about the Holy Spirit. from 1 corinthains 2:3-5, "I was with you in weakness, in fear, and in trembling. And my speech and my preaching were not with persuasive words of human wisdom, but in demostration of the spirit and of power, that your faith should not be in the wisdom of men but in the power of God". i learnt that when i pray, it is not about whether my prayers are answered. As long as i'm righteous before God and ask, i'm depending on the Holy Spirit's power, not my power. so i neednt worry if she will be healed or not. it is just simply taking the step of faith, relying on His power and leaving the results to God. and that experience and word itself just added me faith. thank God. God still choose to heal her in the end though i didnt step forward.
2 other thing that God used to give me faith. one was when we prayed for sun so we could have our sports day and on the 20th, for the first time of the camp, we saw sun. when we reached west coast park, we saw dark clouds but amazingly, the area that we used, just that area, had sun shining so brightly that most of us had sunburn. though we had sunburn but still we thank God cos if the sun wasn't strong enough, the ground would be so much muddier. only after we've finished the games and was getting on the bus, it rained again. the 2nd thing was this. we would experience blackouts every night after service. my pastor thought it could be more than just things that seemed to happen. he believed its spiritual attacks from the evil one. so that night we prayed cos we really needed the lights to take our group photo. again, amazingly, one by one, the lights in the hall was litted up. 500 over campers witnessed the 2 incident that happened.
then 24, 25 dec i was in kids ministry. since none of my friends can make it for the retro christmas party, i've no excuse not to go down kids ministry to help.
26 to 30 dec was another camp. indeed, as the name, "metamorphosis" suggest, it is a life-transforming camp. frankly speaking, i didnt enjoyed the 1st day. the programs are great, awesome, fun, funny, all positive but it's my heart that wasn't right. have you ever been to a place with great, fun-loving ppl, nice shows, nice everything. you smile, you laugh but it's just for that moment? somehow, there's still this down feeling deep inside you despite everything else that's going on around you? indescribable. but thank God it last only for a day. cos that night itself, i just poured out everything to God and prayed that He will help me to enjoy the camp and that i will not harden my heart to everything that's happening around me.
sure enough, day 2's morning session spoke right into my heart. as the sermon goes... following Jesus will cost us... it will cost us our rights, our relationships, our riches... as the speaker goes sharing about how he grumbled and complained when he was involved in a camp by his own kind will when he can choose not to be involve. He started complaining to God when people are not only unappreciative of his help, yet blamed him for the things that went wrong, when in the first place, he wasn't even responsible for the camp. And God spoke to him, showing him that he haven't really surrendered his all to God, especially his rights to serve God despite circumstances, although he made a commitment to God that he wants to surrender his life to God and often pray that God can use him. it was the same situation for me. as all of you know i was physically tired from the camp on 18-24dec and once back, my bro ask me to take over him in some kids ministry work. though reluntant, i still went. inwardly, i haven't surrendered my rights to God. rights of resting, rights of choosing not to serve... inside me, i was complaining so much. i even missed the retro christmas party to help out in kids ministry. i feel that i have many, many rights. though outwardly i seemed surrendered, inwardly i'm not. thus when i came to this camp as an ATL... i came with a tired and complainy attitude and God know just the right words i needed to hear at the right time. of course it was so much better when i surrendered myself to God again and cast all my cares upon him. by doing that, i'm not working by my own strength but by the Holy Spirit's power. It is a miracle seeing the team unite and enjoying each other. It is simply relying on His power. i thank God for such kind, loving, sincere and merciful team i had.
3rd day was amazing! we went to the streets to evangelise, despite our fears and everything, we lay it before God and went by the power of the Holy Spirit. i guess many ppl do not want to hear the gospel is bcos many thought that we are trying to: 1) brain wash them, 2) persuade/force/pull/harrass them till they become Christians like how some salesman would do. 3) they think Christians are a bunch of selfish ppl who only thinks their religon is the only way. 1 & 2 is definately out although some Christian still do. i think we need to know that it is not by us that ppl are save but simply by God's power. we can't force the truth down their throats. 3 is partially correct. we do think that Christ is the only way but our only reason for telling others is really out of love than selfish desires. it is so more can be save. take for example, if i found a place that gives a BMW car as freebie, would i not tell all my friends, perhaps even everyone i see on streets about the good news? yea. at the same time we do understand that ppl have their own say, own sets of doubts and questions about Christianity so we do respect them as well. actually many of us Christian started of like that too. well, so you do have your right to reason, and that leads me to: right to reason, check it out! -> http://www.everystudent.com.sg/right2reason. anw, back to sharing of faith. amazingly God placed many different ppl in my path! 1st, a maid, then a construction worker who's smoking, then a road sweeper and then 2 malays who's smoking behind the alley. thank God i had experiences with smokers. i have friends who smoke but honestly i almost choke cos the smoke went right into my face! i tried not to show as far as possible... still, i'm glad they are open about it after i told them that i'm just sharing my faith.
after everything, somehow i had a desire to find out more about Christianity myself so that i can answer their questions and also be more credible about what i'm believing. God has indeed shown me all that i need to put my faith in Him and have allowed me to experience Him more. but not everyone have experienced God like i do. Some need prove, some need evidence, reason and credibility to believe.
Well, God can control everything in the world except our freewill. He can allow things to happen, place ppl in our life to show us or tell us some truths about God himself but ultimately, it is still our choice. How can He touch us if we never allowed Him to come into our hearts? "Today if you hear my voice, do not harden you hearts..." (Heb 3:15)
Anw, i thoroughly enjoyed the camp! all the magic shows, skits... korean dramas- rain vs. amos (LOL), da chang jing... and the two fun-loving emcees, my team... had a talk with sara and learnt sth frm her. though as young as she is, she taught me to look at ppl beyond their faces and to really hear their heart... yea. and we had wonderful workshops, wonderful sermons, wonderful worship... more than that, i thank God i met HIM.
and you may think, all stories have a happy ending huh? nah... when i came back, i had 2 days of rest and sch starts. the worst thing is, i had a theory test and i totally forgot till 1plus in the morning when my friend was asking me abt the test thru msn and i was like, "huh, what test?" truthfully, i panicked even though my msn nick writes, "in God i trust"-> so contradicting. oh, thank God for msn, thank God for jane, thank God for friends who chat with me till so late. haha. lol. anw, as i calmed down, i decided to commit it to God in prayer. i told God, "i know its my responsibility to remember and study so i would bravely face the consequences of my actions but please help me to remember all that i have studied in this short period of time i still have... i'll do all that i can for Your glory" so ya... if my results is bad, it is my due consequence... but if i manage to pass, it is by God's grace and His glory, i take no credit cos i spend less than 1 or 2 hours studying. i tried to study more but i fell asleep.
i thank God for the change in me. i guess in the past i would prob blame God, blame the camp, blame the test that's set on the 1st day of sch, blame my friends who didnt tell me earlier, blame everything except me. i see myself now grow and mature in God. My life is really God's answered prayer to those who are praying for me, esp my mum... as some might know, my character had a 360 degrees change. i think it's hard to believe how i was like when i was young. Ask my mum, she'll be so very excited to tell u. haha.
Well, that's it for the day.
it started of with 18 dec to 24 dec. well. just to share the main thing that i brought home, that is faith. faith to trust, faith to pray, faith to believe. i may seem to be a very devoted christian, being involve in this and that and going to church every week. but it doesn't mean i have lotsa faith. it is natural to have faith in the things that we can see. but the bible says, 'blessed is the man who have faith in the things that he cannot see'. even though i want to have faith in the things i can't see, i find it hard. so by God's grace, He miraculously add unto me faith. how? through God. heh. God uses experience and sermons.
first, i felt a burden to pray for my friend who's having blocked ears but i didnt dare to go upfront and pray for her. so happen that the sermon is about the Holy Spirit. from 1 corinthains 2:3-5, "I was with you in weakness, in fear, and in trembling. And my speech and my preaching were not with persuasive words of human wisdom, but in demostration of the spirit and of power, that your faith should not be in the wisdom of men but in the power of God". i learnt that when i pray, it is not about whether my prayers are answered. As long as i'm righteous before God and ask, i'm depending on the Holy Spirit's power, not my power. so i neednt worry if she will be healed or not. it is just simply taking the step of faith, relying on His power and leaving the results to God. and that experience and word itself just added me faith. thank God. God still choose to heal her in the end though i didnt step forward.
2 other thing that God used to give me faith. one was when we prayed for sun so we could have our sports day and on the 20th, for the first time of the camp, we saw sun. when we reached west coast park, we saw dark clouds but amazingly, the area that we used, just that area, had sun shining so brightly that most of us had sunburn. though we had sunburn but still we thank God cos if the sun wasn't strong enough, the ground would be so much muddier. only after we've finished the games and was getting on the bus, it rained again. the 2nd thing was this. we would experience blackouts every night after service. my pastor thought it could be more than just things that seemed to happen. he believed its spiritual attacks from the evil one. so that night we prayed cos we really needed the lights to take our group photo. again, amazingly, one by one, the lights in the hall was litted up. 500 over campers witnessed the 2 incident that happened.
then 24, 25 dec i was in kids ministry. since none of my friends can make it for the retro christmas party, i've no excuse not to go down kids ministry to help.
26 to 30 dec was another camp. indeed, as the name, "metamorphosis" suggest, it is a life-transforming camp. frankly speaking, i didnt enjoyed the 1st day. the programs are great, awesome, fun, funny, all positive but it's my heart that wasn't right. have you ever been to a place with great, fun-loving ppl, nice shows, nice everything. you smile, you laugh but it's just for that moment? somehow, there's still this down feeling deep inside you despite everything else that's going on around you? indescribable. but thank God it last only for a day. cos that night itself, i just poured out everything to God and prayed that He will help me to enjoy the camp and that i will not harden my heart to everything that's happening around me.
sure enough, day 2's morning session spoke right into my heart. as the sermon goes... following Jesus will cost us... it will cost us our rights, our relationships, our riches... as the speaker goes sharing about how he grumbled and complained when he was involved in a camp by his own kind will when he can choose not to be involve. He started complaining to God when people are not only unappreciative of his help, yet blamed him for the things that went wrong, when in the first place, he wasn't even responsible for the camp. And God spoke to him, showing him that he haven't really surrendered his all to God, especially his rights to serve God despite circumstances, although he made a commitment to God that he wants to surrender his life to God and often pray that God can use him. it was the same situation for me. as all of you know i was physically tired from the camp on 18-24dec and once back, my bro ask me to take over him in some kids ministry work. though reluntant, i still went. inwardly, i haven't surrendered my rights to God. rights of resting, rights of choosing not to serve... inside me, i was complaining so much. i even missed the retro christmas party to help out in kids ministry. i feel that i have many, many rights. though outwardly i seemed surrendered, inwardly i'm not. thus when i came to this camp as an ATL... i came with a tired and complainy attitude and God know just the right words i needed to hear at the right time. of course it was so much better when i surrendered myself to God again and cast all my cares upon him. by doing that, i'm not working by my own strength but by the Holy Spirit's power. It is a miracle seeing the team unite and enjoying each other. It is simply relying on His power. i thank God for such kind, loving, sincere and merciful team i had.
3rd day was amazing! we went to the streets to evangelise, despite our fears and everything, we lay it before God and went by the power of the Holy Spirit. i guess many ppl do not want to hear the gospel is bcos many thought that we are trying to: 1) brain wash them, 2) persuade/force/pull/harrass them till they become Christians like how some salesman would do. 3) they think Christians are a bunch of selfish ppl who only thinks their religon is the only way. 1 & 2 is definately out although some Christian still do. i think we need to know that it is not by us that ppl are save but simply by God's power. we can't force the truth down their throats. 3 is partially correct. we do think that Christ is the only way but our only reason for telling others is really out of love than selfish desires. it is so more can be save. take for example, if i found a place that gives a BMW car as freebie, would i not tell all my friends, perhaps even everyone i see on streets about the good news? yea. at the same time we do understand that ppl have their own say, own sets of doubts and questions about Christianity so we do respect them as well. actually many of us Christian started of like that too. well, so you do have your right to reason, and that leads me to: right to reason, check it out! -> http://www.everystudent.com.sg/right2reason. anw, back to sharing of faith. amazingly God placed many different ppl in my path! 1st, a maid, then a construction worker who's smoking, then a road sweeper and then 2 malays who's smoking behind the alley. thank God i had experiences with smokers. i have friends who smoke but honestly i almost choke cos the smoke went right into my face! i tried not to show as far as possible... still, i'm glad they are open about it after i told them that i'm just sharing my faith.
after everything, somehow i had a desire to find out more about Christianity myself so that i can answer their questions and also be more credible about what i'm believing. God has indeed shown me all that i need to put my faith in Him and have allowed me to experience Him more. but not everyone have experienced God like i do. Some need prove, some need evidence, reason and credibility to believe.
Well, God can control everything in the world except our freewill. He can allow things to happen, place ppl in our life to show us or tell us some truths about God himself but ultimately, it is still our choice. How can He touch us if we never allowed Him to come into our hearts? "Today if you hear my voice, do not harden you hearts..." (Heb 3:15)
Anw, i thoroughly enjoyed the camp! all the magic shows, skits... korean dramas- rain vs. amos (LOL), da chang jing... and the two fun-loving emcees, my team... had a talk with sara and learnt sth frm her. though as young as she is, she taught me to look at ppl beyond their faces and to really hear their heart... yea. and we had wonderful workshops, wonderful sermons, wonderful worship... more than that, i thank God i met HIM.
and you may think, all stories have a happy ending huh? nah... when i came back, i had 2 days of rest and sch starts. the worst thing is, i had a theory test and i totally forgot till 1plus in the morning when my friend was asking me abt the test thru msn and i was like, "huh, what test?" truthfully, i panicked even though my msn nick writes, "in God i trust"-> so contradicting. oh, thank God for msn, thank God for jane, thank God for friends who chat with me till so late. haha. lol. anw, as i calmed down, i decided to commit it to God in prayer. i told God, "i know its my responsibility to remember and study so i would bravely face the consequences of my actions but please help me to remember all that i have studied in this short period of time i still have... i'll do all that i can for Your glory" so ya... if my results is bad, it is my due consequence... but if i manage to pass, it is by God's grace and His glory, i take no credit cos i spend less than 1 or 2 hours studying. i tried to study more but i fell asleep.
i thank God for the change in me. i guess in the past i would prob blame God, blame the camp, blame the test that's set on the 1st day of sch, blame my friends who didnt tell me earlier, blame everything except me. i see myself now grow and mature in God. My life is really God's answered prayer to those who are praying for me, esp my mum... as some might know, my character had a 360 degrees change. i think it's hard to believe how i was like when i was young. Ask my mum, she'll be so very excited to tell u. haha.
Well, that's it for the day.
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