grace

hellO everybody! it's been awhile! have been re reading my blog entries and it sort of encouraged me and reminded me about why i have a blog in the first place. And, since I've decided, with a clear purpose, I will keep blogging as much as I can. Sorry ppl for not updating, now here's one, for a 2nd start.

Recently I've discovered something I thought was meaningful. I realised that only when I have experienced, knowledge then becomes alive, and practical to me.

Someone ever told me, if you choose to hold on tightly to unforgiveness and anger, you are like holding on tightly to a blade with your bare hands which the person who hurt you/arouse your anger had thrown. He throws the blade, walks away and life goes on for him while you catch the blade, was hurt and continue hurting if you hold on to it.

Recently, my dad made me really angry by accusing me abt sth I did not do. He mentioned it once, twice and I've already nicely told him that I havent done it. But to keep pushing the blame to me for sth I have not done the third or the fourth time really made me blast at him. It was wrong of him to accuse me but it is also wrong of me to have blasted at him. I guess its true, ppl who are hurt will tend to hurt others. I was hurt, I blasted at my dad, my dad was hurt and he blasted at my mum at the slightest irritation, my mum was hurt, but thank God for her wisdom, she stopped the cycle. I thought of Jesus being so calm and cool before Herod and Pilate with all those accusations. A humble heart and trust in the Father to judge fairly. It's an area where I need His grace as I work on it. The anger was somehow shortlived when my attention was on the tv and after that, work. But the next day, it came back again, everytime when I think of how he accused me. I have so much to say, "How can he say that of me? Can't he find out the truth first? He's so irritating..." and it goes on. It was then I realised I have to let go of the blade in my hand. God always knows whats best for me, that is, to forgive as he commanded.

Heal the sick, raise the dead, cleanse those who have leprosy, drive out demons. Freely you have received, freely give. Matthew 10:8

As freely as I've recieved GRACE, let me give too.

"How am I suppose to love ppl who constantly put me down, fake! despises me, dont even care abt me or how i feel, dishonest, rude, so unfair, dont like me, undeserving of my love???

-sharon (this is sth i struggled a lil bit more than usual lately in my workplace)

"But you cannot give to others what you have not received yourself, and so my hope is that, as you learn how much God loves you, you'll also let him heal your heart so that his love can flow freely through you. It's impossible to love others until you really feel loved yourself."

-daily hope with rick warren

"Ï'm reminded that I am too, a recipient of God's great UNCONDITIONAL love and mercy, even when I'm so undeserving."

-sharon

Jus today i was thinking abt money, calculating how long would i nd to save (and scrimp) for a house in sg, say cheapest 200k? it would take 55 yrs, setting aside 300/mth!!! then what if i get married, say another 100k? that would be 25.25 yrs!!! and, then retirement, say i work till 67? and live till 100? another 33 yrs. if i spent 500 a mth, it would be approx 200k!!! that will be another 55 yrs!!! opps i didnt include my cpf. still, i think it would only decrease the years i have to scrimp and save by half which comes up to abt 68 years? Salary overseas seemed much much greener. I really wonder how my dadd feed 6 ppl and still able to buy a house and a car. God's provision really. As a child, I used to think that i'll be rich when i work but well, not anymore bcos now i am more far sighted than before. Its so "FAN4" to think abt such things. Thats why i nd an insurance, i guess all financial consultant will say so. Haha. Guess what? and so happen i'm on psalms 78!

PSALMS 78
11 They forgot what he had done—
the great wonders he had shown them,
12 the miracles he did for their ancestors
on the plain of Zoan in the land of Egypt.
13 For he divided the sea and led them through,
making the water stand up like walls!
14 In the daytime he led them by a cloud,
and all night by a pillar of fire.
15 He split open the rocks in the wilderness
to give them water, as from a gushing spring.
16 He made streams pour from the rock,
making the waters flow down like a river!

17 Yet they kept on sinning against him,
rebelling against the Most High in the desert.
18 They stubbornly tested God in their hearts,
demanding the foods they craved.
19 They even spoke against God himself, saying,
“God can’t give us food in the wilderness.
20 Yes, he can strike a rock so water gushes out,
but he can’t give his people bread and meat.”
21 When the Lord heard them, he was furious.
The fire of his wrath burned against Jacob.
Yes, his anger rose against Israel,
22 for they did not believe God
or trust him to care for them.

Yes, like the Isrealites, sometimes, I forgot I have a rich Daddy God! If money were to consume all my time, energy, mind and soul, if i slogged and save so hard to give myself a decent life here on earth, and at the end of my life, I find myself having nth at all, maybe jus skull and bones, I guess thats sth really sad. Not at all like the abundant life God promises. But as I seek Him and His kingdom first, as I bless others with the little that I have, He gave me so much more, it may not be materially but i'm blessed bcos i know Him more. I felt that is the greatest blessing anyone could have. To have a real relationship with God and to know Him more. To obey Him and to live out His purposes and as I do so, to trust that He will meet my needs, even physcial ones. He provided me with a job, with abundance of food at home! As I remembered how he provided for me during mission trip, as i remembered how i passed each exam when i have lesser time to study in poly than the rest of my friends, as i remembered how he healed me when i was sick, as i remembered how he spoke personally to me, words of love, words of confidence, words of encouragement... how he had been so very near. As He divinely meet me and showed me He is all the Bible says He is, Love, Merciful, Patient, My Provider, My Healer, The Rock, Giver of all good things, how then can I not trust Him to care for me? I think I'd be so foolish to say I cant trust God after all the things He had done in my life and the lives of so many others, in the past and present.

When I left with only skull and bones which I cannot even bring with me,
I have You with me for eternity.

Thats the best thing man!

its been a long and tiring day.
talked to God with mixed emotions.
was it bcos of the over commitment of activities?
well, maybe.
is it bcos of post night?
could be too.
its one of the days whr thr's so many why God.
why did i find myself doing so much? loving, praying, hoping, giving... yet i cant even trace a fruit sprouting out of the tree.
everything seemed so futile.
why God am i feeling so dissapionted and frustrated?
i dont want to feel so.
i should trust in You right?

Then I went to run and swam and run. Its the adrenaline rush or rather the release of emotions. From home to pool, 30 laps and back home. On the way home, I had stiches and backache. As I was about to stop, these words came. Keep running, keep loving, keep praying, keep hoping, it's painful, its hard, it can be dissapionting and frustrating but keep on going. Perservere, you will see the finish line. I ran all the way back home.

Lord, will you hold my hand as we run this race together? Cos its hard,

but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength, they will soar on wings like eagle, they shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not faint (Isaiah 40:31)

I give thanks bcos You are near. (Psalms 75:1) =)

new template

I like my new template, thank God it isnt very time consuming! =)

Its been a very busy week with farewells, gatherings, kids camp. Its been a mad rush and i felt so tired. Totally neglected my source of strength and help. Yet, God is always good and He is always faithful. When I turn to Him, He is always there =)
In the midst of activities, I found Him again, being so real. Just felt Him drawing me back to His loving arms again, back to the closeness we once shared.

I desire worship, not sacrifice. I desire a relationship with you more than what you can do for me bcos I love you so much. -GOD-

happy birthday!

i cant slp cos i slept 3 hrs in the afternoon.

Anw, i still have much to thank God for!
Thank for for transport home sometimes, thank God for friends who cele my bday and all the well wishes, thank God for difficult situations at work that didnt have serious consequences (things could be worse if no one intervene), in fact, those difficult situations have turned into precious lessons. Thank God for bringing me thru kids service week after week, even though i'm not so gd at public speaking/teaching/leading/thinking of games, but i must say it is really GOD. Thank God for christian friends surrounding me, they have been a great form of encouragement, thank God... many a times, i keep praying cos i jus know, i need HIM more and more, cos i really dunno what i will do... jus felt so blur sometimes...
yet i know the bible says if anyone lack wisdom, he should ask, ask and it'll be given... i need memory, i need wisdom, i need to be alert and meticulous... i'm still learning. i need to ask God. There's more still to thank God for, the earth, the air, the life that i have, the pair of hands that i have, the job, the $$$ and... and the internet, oh yes, i almost forgot!! =) and hearing from jx at the nyp sccc alumni gathering has been a great encouragement too... to hearing and seeing how his life transformed from one not so sociable, abit beng boy in yr 1 to now... one that is so encouraging, sharing his life and one that is truly being set free from bitterness! I see him glow now, in God's glory =)

and pray together with me that my sis, tc and myself can find find a suitable cell and church. i know thr's no perfect church/cell, for me, its jus one tt i dont nd to request off on sun and yet able to attend cos i cant request off on weekends and also, a cell that is on weekday... hopefully similar age grp, easier to relate to (thanks eileen for that!), main focus is of cos God and being in the center of His will. cos being a christian is not jus abt me growing alone with God. what yw say is so true. thanks. talking to yw and jl, my collaugue also helped me realised an old lesson. that if we ddint on the engine, the wheel cant be steered. so i have to move first, and not jus pray and pray without moving... as i move, God will steer =)

hello again!

after mths without technology...

hello again! =)

bought a new PC (shared with my sis)!
yay!

i met up with tc ytd, and i thought this is interesting =)
he shared this,
sometimes after service/bs/dg you felt that you have just eaten good food. maybe rice with crab, crayfish, fish soup and durains? you felt so satisfied.
in such times, give thanks.

there are also times after service/bs/dg you felt that you have only ate plain porrigde.
in such times, pray. pray for your pastor, ur bsl, your dgl becos they may b gg thru tough times, mayb they may be far from God or have doubts. maybe like job who lost all his sons and daughters? well, we never know, but God knows.

thats what family are for! everyone plays a part! =)

one more nice place!
korean food at park mall =)
i like cos very lil ppl.

thank God for great friends. Friends that I can really be myself and be vulnerable =) really felt refreshed and recharged aft such meetups.
really TT

i really wanna drive... but i can only start in sept cos all the aug slots are fully booked =(
i made new specs... but i dont take care of my things well cos i always put my specs on my bed. opps. so i dont wear contacts. when i'm too tired i'll prob slp with it... but i will try to take care of my new specs!
yea, i realised i have been blogging! haha, maybe i cut down alot on meeting with ppl cos of tiredness but i nd an avenue to share my thoughts too yea =) and so here i am!
yea kammy =)

I LIKE...

casuarina curry...
nice mutton mutarbak large can share among 3 guys and 5 girls cost only $9!
located at upp thomson i think but i dunno hw to go.

nice place to chill...
tea time party at bukit timah sixth avenue.
we ate and played.
its somewhat like minds cafe.

nice dim sum
wen tou sek at geylang.
this one i also duno hw to go :p

steamboat at bugis

changing appetites at marina sq

hmmmmm what else...
nothing comes to mind.

God is good, He is really so good.

I just felt His love overflowing as I worship Him jus now. I read about how Absalom (David's son) was killed in a battle and how when David heard of it, wept and mourned for his son. But the thing is, Absalom actually conspired against David to snatch his throne. Yet, his love for his son was still so unwavering strong. It kinda touched my heart. I think all parents would love their kids no matter how bad they are. And God the father will too, probably much more than what we could ever think of or imagine. To think he actually sent His Son to suffer and die for our sins...

And I wanna tell you abt the time when I wasnt motivated to go to work. Yet, we all have to work. Not only I dreaded work but everything else in life, wash dishes, fold the clothes, empty the bin... i grew indiffernce to the mess in my hse. It's... for no particular reason, nth spectacular happened in my life. I dont even know how to describe the feeling, I dont know hw it came abt...s... everything is so sianzzzz.. etc. Maybe, the thoughts that the world give, I haven't exchanged it for truth that God says. I tried to think of the verses I know. But I still felt... sianzzzzzzz. I know we shouldnt depend on feelings too much yet... somtimes its hard... you know what I mean? I'm like having an internal battle, talking to myself when I felt sooo desperate and said GOD I NEED YOU, I REALLY REALLY DO. He came and took away the -ve feeling. And He made my time with Him exciting again.

i'm off. =)
thank God for the 4 peaceful nights that I had. It's really nice working this round of night compared to those that were so hectic and full of call bells.
i still haven't get my tagboard.
but there's alot of things to thank God for.
esp the many times he answered my prayers.

ytd met up with fw. really glad to have such a personal talk with her. and i enjoyed it lots. God taught me many things as I begin to be involve in her life again. i ventured into the r/s, commited, trusting again and am prepared for risk. i believe thats what my God will do. To love us all the way, even when He know He'll be hurt... thats love. thats loving unconditionally.

i really feel that ppl shouldnt comment or judge others when they dont even know the person well or understand the circumstances tt the person is in.

i'm learning to love ppl, and trying, as how i know my God would.

i need to know the truth and be anchored to truth cos the world is decietful and even my heart can be too.

never give up on ppl as God never gives up on us.

=)

some lighter happenings =)

i'm learning driving and i realised its not easy at all!! its more that jus turning the steering wheels and stepping the accelerator.

but its only the beginning cos i only passed my basic theory trial test.

long way to go...

but i'm God gave me lessons thru this too, even if its jus basic theory trial test.

i walked into the room full of confidence, i can almost memorise the whole green book yet my first attempt. 43/50. FAILED. what?! i walked out feeling like a total failure. everyone said its so easy and i actually failed. Then I remembered God.

God help me to pass, I can't do this on my own. It's too easy to fail and yet I failed. Well, maybe its for my own gd that I failed. I will study harder so I can be a safe driver and drive ppl ard. I WILL STUDY HARDERRR!!!

and i booked my the next slot, sitiing at ssdc studying. this time, i know everything is in God's control not mine. If I pass, I praise God. If I fail, I praise God too for He allows it and its for my own good.

and...

I PASSED!!! 49/50!!!

there's so much diff in the qns. but God gave me the easeir qns for my 2nd attempt. will be taking my BTT this coming mon and so, same prayer =)

*excited*

amazingly inspiring.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Um9KsrH377A&feature=channel_page

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UXut0HxncvY

Put this 2 vid. together. God seemed to be telling me that, "hey sharon, I dont make junks. I made you to shine! I made you good. You dont need to be like other ppl to shine. Now, go and shine!"

All that I have is Yours

What can we give that You have not given
And what do we have that is not already Yours
All we posees are this life we're living
And that's what we give to Your Lord

Sometimes its easy to forget that:
The 4 prawns that I caught
The praises of beauty, cuteness and being nice
Money
Time
I thought they are mine
But it fact, they are Yours and I'm a steward of them

All glory goes back to God, my creator, the giver of all good things.

I want to be a good steward, to use them wisely, to use them for the more impt things in life.

Seek first the kingdom of God and all these things shall be added unto you.
Matthew 6:33

H1N1

ok.
my dad dont have H1N1 virus.
haha
even roy's disturbing me.
LOL.

no swine!

Thank God my dad dont have swine.
Haha, I think he got scared by my remarks that he went to have a test.
LOL.
and his bld results were normal.
And yay! my dad came back from canada. =)

Psalms 91:1
Those who dwell in the secret place of the Most High shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty

I fear many things. Thrice, this verse comforted me this week. I feel secure in Him.

Laziness

I was dreading to wake up today when I was reminded by a verse I memorised sometime ago and I saw it again in the toilet ytd (sometimes its gd pasting things in front of the toilet bowl)

Ecc 10:18

Because of laziness, a house decays and through idleness of hands, a house leaks.

I jumped out of the sofa and started my day. =) Hahaha.

i like blogging cos i will re read it but i seldom read my dairies cos of my handwritings and too many of them.

A sudden revelation came as i listened to http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4OfhL6dyQpM&feature=PlayList&p=9BCEBEA9EC0E22AF&index=0&playnext=1

I've been running to the things that Person can give and not the Person Himself.
I've been running to healing, but not the Healer.
I've been running to sleep and time for myself (I thought I'm resting), but not the Person who will cause me to rest.
I've been running after owning things, but not my Inheritance.
I've been running after food, water and money but not My Provider
I've been running after love, but not Love
I've been running after grace, but not Grace

I see it now.

=)

That was meant for myself but this entry is meant for my friends:

Can we go kopitiam next time instead of restuarants or cafes?
This doesnt mean I think the meetup is not an important one. The meetup is important but the place is not important, the person that I'm meeting with is. It's your presence that matters not the place.

For one reason or another I've bcome more "aunty" in some sense while learning to live independantly, taking care of the home, the bills, my bro allowance and the groceries. I learn to spend within my means but sometimes bcos of my weakness (like waking up late, I take cab to work). All the more, I need to be thrifty while I work on my weaknesses. I still tend to have the nature of giving but its so much lesser now, within my means. I have to control my expenses now and be disciplined, though I really wanna go nice places with ppl.

And I know my friends are all very kind and have the nature of giving as well. But I just dont like to see ppl giving me things that I feel its not worth the money. Like a cup of coffee for seven dollars? You digest it and it bcomes... Its not the coffee I enjoy, its your presence and you've given that. Youve given something precious, your time and yourself. Thats really enough, for me =)

Hope you understand.

Knowing i'm like a baby is part and parcel of growing up right?
Only can an adult feel like that right?
Can a baby says I'm too baby-ish?
I dont think so.

Prob I'm an adult but act like a baby.
I make expectations in r/s, in ppl or even God, and when they dont happen I get dissapointed.
Isnt that like a baby, always reaching my hands and recieving? And when people dont give you what they want you feel they dont love you?

Even the most sure and steadfast love I can doubt, but You are always patient and merciful to show me You still love me.

God, I think you are very hurt by my attitude sometimes. I seemed to be always asking you for this and that but not making any effort to love you like not taking time to develop that r/s with you. I think I probably irritaed you many times. Like, sinning against you and still have the cheek to ask you for this and that. Knew you are merciful but I took advantage of that. I think I'm not a good person. I dont see any good in me.

Yet, you've always chased after me with unfailing love.

How can that be?

How true this song is...

"Nothing you can do, to make Him love you more
And nothing you have done, could make Him close the door.
Because of His great love, He gave His only Son, everything was done so you would come.
Broken hearts, broken lives, He will take them all..."
Indeed,
Your grace has found me just as I am, empty handed but alive in Your hands...

I want to stop being a baby and always recieve but as much as I recieved Your sure and steadfast love, may I give as well. May I be patient and merciful as You are.

I want to chase after You.

After some thoughts, I decided that even if I were to be angry with someone in the furure, I will still not express my anger towards the person until i can rationalise and logically judge the whole matter better when i'm cooled. I have to first remove the log in my eye to see the speck of dust in other ppl's eye, which means to say, I can't always think that the other person wronged me, I have to scrutinize myself first to get a clearer pic cos most of the time, we dont. I believe this is not being hypocritical bcos being a hypocrite is a person who feigns some desirable or publicly approved attitude (which i think i am ytd) but next time my intention shall not be to feign to be desirable but instead, it is to rationalise things so that i will not speak out of anger but of love.

I think its not about what you do that is right or wrong but its about why you are doing what you are doing, your heart intentions that matters.

dear taggers, i feel so warm coming here cos of ur taggs sometimes.
dwl: :)
yunz: its meaningful too. glad u enjoyed it =)

Proverbs 3:12

because the LORD disciplines those he loves,
as a father the son he delights in.

had a bad day today. was being showered with scoldings but beyond that, i realised many things (maybe i've realised them long ago but wasnt that bothered abt it till it hurts).

truth hurts, (not that i agree everything tt my boss scold me abt)
but i can have 2 reactions.
1. everyone is doing it! why am i the only one being scolded! (which i did initially). i really felt like my boss was biased (maybe or maybe not)!
or
2. thank God for not leaving me where i am.

truth #1 i dont have much structure in my life.

say, messiness- its so evident in my room now.
being late- likes to off the alarm n slp.
passivity- not taking initiatives.
lack of discipline- cant follow thru things.

why can't i have more self-disciplined?
i guess its just an area i have to learn and grow in.

I want to grow in discipline.

truth #2 i realise i can act so well sometimes (in other words hypocritical- i dont like that!)

like, i'm so hurt and angry but i can still talk to the person like i'm not affected (although sometimes its wise, i feel, not to say anything or react till you've processed thru. You wont want your emotions to get the better of you. When you speak, its wiser to say it out of love.).
i was crying halfway, picked up the phone and naturally stopped crying
why can't i be real?

mayb i'm afraid of being labelled as a cry baby or over-sensitive which ppl have always commented since my childhood. i dont want to be!
mayb i feel that even if i cry in front of others, they cant really undertsand cos they're not in it or not me. they may think its jus a small prob, its hard and tiring for them to see me cry so often at lil things.
mayb its an issue of acceptance. mayb its an issue of trust.
Even so, i do cry alot... when its beyond my control... like when the balloon burst and really, dont have to be bothered by it, cos I wont cry for a lifetime, haha, its okay. And most of the time, I'll really think its a small issue actually.

I want to grow in Truth.

truth #3 bended principles to fit in

i told myself i would never put anyone down behind his/her back, even if its the truth but i jus did. It's hard when you also agree with what your friends have to say abt him/her.

why can't i rather be straight forward?
mayb i'm not so close to the person and bcos truth really hurts, its hard to tell. mayb i havent find the appropriate time to tell.
mayb i dont know how to express myself well (i'm better if i sit down and thought through, organisise my thoughts a lil. i dont do well in impromptus. i guess thats why i'm a better writer than speaker.)- BUT ITS NOT A GD EXCUSE!
Mayb, i cant love the person? Well, afterall, its only someone who love you enough to want to see you change for the better that they will go through the trouble of putting your problems in words that is not too hurting, isnt it?
Tell me how to love an unloving person enough...
Teach me please.

I want to grow in Love.

So i'm grateful at this time to have Someone who loved me enough to not leave me where I am. And though it hurts alot, I'm grateful for that Someone whom I can be real to, and share my most intimate thoughts and feelings with, knowing that Someone will be with you thru your growth process.

Just a few days ago, I told some ppl that I wanna grow... but I dunno in what areas. Now I know. =)

kam: yupp okay! =) thanks
infinity: thanks qi, hope we can meet up! =)
odie: okay. thanks =)
liane: yea, sure do. time past fast. jo is studying in sim! =)
davin: coming to church later! =)
dwl: yea sis, i know even when we dont meet, we are still a big family of God! =)
yun: you are always so sweet. so happy to attend hp wedd & to meet up with you guys. missed poly days. haha, and waiting for ur gd news~!
rachelyn: i'm so glad to hear that! =)
venod: sorry for MIA-ing so long fr sjab! :s

i'm still clearing my house... when will i finish clearing?

These few mths have been rather busy with the housework, rather than clearing my house. I never knew a homemaker can be that busy too. But well, its a good experience for me to learn to be independant and to prepare for the future isnt it? keke.

Though I seldom meet up with friends but I thank God that our r/s is not strained. I really have a bunch of good friends. I appreciate once in a while gathering like huiping's wedding. Enjoyed myself; surprised; reminences...

Thanks for your concern, kamsiah, odie, dwl, davin, yunz, rachelyn and thanks loveGod for that info. It sure feels good to know that people still cares for you, really. Appreciate that alot. =)

Sorry for being missing in action for so long.
AND for not replying msges, miss calls, so on and so forth.

Probably I've been busy for too long in my life. I've been out most of the time eversince i joined st john in sec sch. Even during the hols, i'm seldom at home. I haven't seen my grandma for 8 years bcos we always have activities during the holidays. I seldom had time for my family, though I loved them. My younger brother, elder brother, my elder sister, my mummy and my daddy, i loved them alot. I've always wanted to spend time with my family. I've always wanted to see my grandma. But, somehow, there's always another friend to meet, another meeting to attend, another something. I just want some time to spend with my family and ignore all other request. I just want to clear my home and make it nice and neat so that my family will feel like coming home and be proud of our home. I just want our family to be united, to love one another in the love of God, to do things together, to worship and serve at the same church. I wished we could all stay in the same block when we grow up. I love my family, I really do. But all these years my friends gets priority, activities gets the priority, work gets the priority, everything except family. May I be excused for the time being? I am concentrating on making my home a better place right now since no one is pretty much at home. Just let me be... I will be fine. God is with me.

Thanks dwl for always encouraging me even when i don't respond well sometimes but I really see your heart in the many msges that you've sent. Am amazed at your love for me, you never gave up even when i dont reply for days. You surely resembles our Heavenly Dad. =) Thanks for being such a dear sis.

And friends, you are not forgotten all these while when MIA-ing. Sometimes, I do think of you and very much missed the moments we share but let me clear up my house first. It might take a long time. But hang on there, okay? Will definately invite you to my house when its neat and tidy. Meanwhile, takecare! I am still contactable if you need me.

Thank you for your kind understanding.

Love, sharon.

When I am afraid,
I will trust in You.

=)

sharon is happy she bought a label maker =) FUN!!!
sharon is beginning to like her relatives more this lunar new year.
sharon favourite pencil is pink decorated with white and purple flowers, written "God's Girl" =)

HAPPY LUNAR NEW YEAR EVERYONE!
*holding 2 mandarin oranges and say "gong xi fa cai, wan shi ru yi!"*

shen zhu fu man man =)

replies:
odie & kam: yea yea! i love ice kachang and ice kachang aunty and uncle. thx for intro-ing me.=)
xueer: same here... hehs.
rachelynn: ah! 'm good. you? =)

updates:
yay! i have 4 days of hol! shiok! but the best part is that walk with God again, after not walking with him for about a week. i realise how impt it is to have strength and to live in victory. That's why Jesus makes solitude a priority. relationship with believers is also impt as well. had a simple, nice talk with JX and he sent me some articles to read. found new strength. Knew what am i missing and act upon it. I'm still like a baby sometimes. Spiritual growth is intentional. Just like how you need to intentionally brush and floss your teeth to prevent decay. It wasn't that intentional before. I used to be fed well, like a baby. But, part of growing is learning to feed yourself.

Can I just exclaim?
Can I just stand on the mountaintop and shout,
"GOD YOU ARE JUST SO GOOD!!!"

=)

sharon is filled with the JOY of the Lord, even when there are thousands of other reasons to be in negativity, even it's so easy to go into a pity party but sharon holds on to God's promises bcos they are trustworthy, sharon trust in the Lord God Almighty.

I can trust that He has a great future for me. He is still working on me and most of all, He loves me.

sharon is overwhelmed by God's goodness.

i learnt:
"Enoch walked with the Lord" Gen 5:24. What does it means to walk? How can I walk with the Lord? Let me think. How do I walk with a friend? I converse, am connected to the person, am aware of the person's presence. That's how I walked with the Lord! =)

sharon wants to walk with the Lord all the days of her life! =)

i wanna run and swim again! been a couch potato for the longest time ever!
ecp that day was great!
all the captain ball, abit of volleyball, frisbee n rugby.
the best thing was- weather's awesome. like its gonna rain but doesnt rain.
NO SUN AT ALL- YES!
and actually its quite exhilirating to be swung, thrown up and into the sea.
again, again! (sounds like teletubbies. LOL)

someone said i dont have pimples. i have larh, jus that it wasnt as bad as when i was seventeen. i never used facial foam but the outbreak force me to try whatever i can to get rid of those zits. they were all useless. i prayed and my mum bought this pearl powder for me to drink. after awhile, they were gone, totally. and i never used facial foam anymore, I can't. it's not suitable. God knows my skin best =)

today i ran: 1.8km, 15mins

today i read: Num 23:19
"God is not a human, that he should lie, not a human being that he should change his mind. Does he speak and not act? Does he promise and not fulfill?"
When God told David that he will be king, he hold on to that promise for 21 years before he actually became king.
He brings to pass what he has promised. It is for us to keep believing, keep waiting, keep praying, and keep holding on.
(Abstracts fr you were made for more by jim cymbale n pkc lesson)

It's worth holding on =)

Thank God for everything that has happened in 2008! =)
=THE HIGHLGHTS=
JAN/FEB: Last 1 mth of prcp. So much fun I had with Fiona Wong and our preceptor! Sushi, vivo, ps everyday. LOL! mai dong si, chi dong si... ahhh...
FEB/MAR: Hols!!! mission trip!!! knowing and savouring unconditional love and grace. God is love! His providence for the trip, Jehovah Jireh, My Provider.
APR: Foundation prog- friends I met at foundation prog! It was great! =)
MAY/JUNE/JUL: WELCOME TO THE REAL WORK. It was a huge huge change in my life that I have to adapt. The huge responsibilities, heavy workload, task focused job, long long hrs w no meal breaks (if u cant finish on time), tiring, unfimiliar routine and procedures=mistakes+++=sccooolddiiinngsss++++++... timetable: work, sleep, work, eat (i eat like i cant eat in the next 10hrs), sleep, work... meeting w friends? say hi to your collaugues n they'll be ur friends, i wanna slp! Swim/Jog? Havent i excercise enuff in the ward? Its enuff la, i'm so tired.. church! =) I always have offs on sat! 2 of my friends commented its a miracle. It was a time I'm charged up and ready to work again. God knows I need them badly, esp the 1st few mths of work. Time flies.
AUG: Nice retreat in msia!
SEPT: Managed to meet more ppl w weekdays offs. Havent had sats off in a long while. But I know it's my training ground for me to depend on Him more than anything else. Church bcame a monthly/two thing. God? Not emphasised anywhere anymore. All you hear everyday is, why never feed pt water? why no routine urine? why never take wt? why pt BNO never pass? why never pass temperature chart? why never check pt? why? why? why? tell me why?!?!? Even when you are free/slping, work comes into your mind. oh, i didnt update wound chart, i havent sign off, i didnt check the plugsite, etc. I'm obsessed with being perfect, free from naggings...
OCT/NOV: Then big mistakes occured. No one ever taught me how to do it and dont we all fill in forms ourselves? they ask what, you fill in what right? Follow instructions carefully thats all... uh. okay, so not all forms are idiot proof... Big paperwork error. Big Hoo ha. God came to emphasis again. I asked why. He got my attention. Finally.
NOV/DEC: Nice birthday surprises. Superb YI camp.

Once I was going to but now I left, I left behind my failures, my cycles of negativity, of low self esteem, of self-consciousness. I'm entering a new season of my life, of faith, of boldness, of courage, of trusting in His promise, of God consciousness, of being free.

Just as Paul and Silas were liberated from physical chains when they start to praise and pray, I am liberated from chains of negativity, from troubled and burdened soul when I start to praise and pray this morning. Praise the Lord.

Blessed sharon writes with joy and thankfulness in her heart!

What Can I Do? -Paul Baloche

When I see the beauty of a sunset glory
Amazing artistry across the evening sky
When I feel the mystery of a distant galaxy
It awes and humbles me
To be loved
By a God so high

What can I do but thank You
What can I do but give my life to You
Hallelujah
Hallelujah
What can I do but praise You
Everyday make everything I do a
Hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah

When I hear the story of a God of mercy
Who shared humanity and suffered by our side
Of the cross they nailed you to that could not hold you
Now you’re making all things new
By the power
of Your risen life

i am free to dance
i am free to run
i am free to live for you
i am free!

freedom is doing wanna do w/o being bothered by what ppl think.
freedom is not being controlled.

that's why i'm free to dance- i wasnt free to dance in the past... cos i'm afraid of what ppl might think, i was too concerned abt how i might look if i dance this way or that, if i lift my hands to high or if i sway too much? i'm wrapped up in self-consciousness. And the key to be free is being God-centered. Praising and worshipping Him in your ways, from your heart, to Him. That's for singing too. Doesnt really matter if its out of tune, too loud, etc, He hears my heart.

and i'm free to live! Live for Him! If the son set us free, I'm free indeed! And I'm free, free from the slavery of sins! I dont need to say, I dont wanna be rude but I cant control myself, I keep on going back to it. I hate myself. All I need is truth- I'm free to live a righteous life!

I'm most fulfilled and satisfied when I live for God. :) :) :) :)

:) :) :) :) :) :) :)
JOY and PEACE
in Christ Jesus!

It's so refreshing to meet God again! I'm like an empty cup coming before God and He literally fills it with overflowing love, joy, peace, courage, boldness, FAITH and enthusiasm! It's like the song: So blessed, I can't contain it! So blessed, I gotta give it away! It comes from the inside out.

today i took the stethescope and listened to my heartbeat and suddenly, i jus felt so in awe of God's creation- His masterpiece. lub dub, lub dub, lub dub... it's jus so amazing larh!

and i love orange too! okay, that's random. :)

After attending Dr Dennis Seow's talk on Dementia, I finally know that I can connect to people having Alzheimer's disease as well! I'm quite elated! Well, all these while, I always feel that I couldnt connect to them and couldnt do much in their lives except cleaning, feeding and preserving their lives as long as possible. I've quite given up hope that they even know what I'm doing- loving them and taking care of them. They always seemed to be in their own world... not until I saw how a severely demented old lady responded to genuine love- someone who's willing to get into their world and be connected to them. It's just so... inspiring.

Thank God for ans my prayers- for teaching me how to love this grp of ppl. May I continue to learn how to love people as much as you loved them, no matter how different they are from me and how difficult it is for me to understand their actions.

Jesus loves me this I know, for the bible tells me so. Little ones to Him belong, they are weak but He is strong. Yes, Jesus loves me, Yes, Jesus loves me, Yes Jesus loves me, for the bible tells me so!

He's got the whole world in His hands!

I really couldnt figure out why certain things happened in life but I'm still trusting in His sovereignty. Perhaps its a reminder for me not to procastinate or to say what i really wanna say and to do what i really wanna do, to just be free. Perhaps it's a reminder to make the full use of every opportunity, of every second that was given to me or probably it's urging me to be focued on the major.

I won't stop
Never gonna stop praising
Everyday You'll be my Number One
Jesus, Jesus,
My Number One!

Kids Camp was fun. I think I enjoyed having the kids on my laps, hugging them and loving them, talking to them and being loved by them. And you know what? I did the very same thing to my Daddy God back home, sat on His lap, allowing Him to hug me, talked to Him, asked Him qns, listening to Him ans my qns and thanking Him for sustaining me (i read my roster wrongly, i thought the first day of camp was my slping day but its not! my 2nd nite was the 1st day of camp! its too last min to say i cant make it, so, i prayed and ask God for strength. He knows all things I'm sure, even my blurness and my mistakes. Anw, The only time i felt sleepy was the few hrs during work. But aft the 1/2 hr "toilet rest", I'm up! I experience Him as my strength and all knowing God! :)

As the sun goes up and it's going back down
No i'll never back down from living for you my God
I'm living the truth my God

As time goes by and the seasons change
No, i'll never change my love for you my God
My hope in you my God
I'm living for you my God

I'm so, so, so, overwhelmed by God's grace and His UNCONDITIONAL LOVE.
I'm overjoyed. Euphoric, someone said.
High without alcohol!

Jesus, Lover of my soul
Jesus, I will never let you go
You've taken me, from the miry clay
You've set my feet upon the rock and now I know

I love you,
I need you,
Though my world my fall, I'll never let you go.
My Saviour, My closest friend,
I will worship you until the very end...

Thanks for Your voice of truth!
I'm set free.

:)

REPLIES TO TAGGGS!

Davin: Night shift? Wahaha. My nite shift is from 9pm-7.30am you sleep so late??
Serena: Thanks! :)
Desmond: Thanks :)
Kam: Thanks, hope to meet you and jiao at nyp. haha. :)
yy: Thanks, nu er! :)
ShiQi: qi, i like it alot. i didnt expect it. i listen to it once i reached hm. N am still reading the book. Thanks so much! :)

I'M TWENTY FIRST! :)



I'm so glad I had AL, I really need rest and retreat.

I like this:
Joey: SO, how old are you this year?
Me: What do you think?
Joey: Nineteen.
Me: HAHAHAHA! THANKS! :)

Maybe bcos I dont dress UP and make UP. Well, but I enjoyed looking younger. It's not fun being an adult afterall. Missed school. Missed long hols and camps. Missed retreats and service. Missed mission trips. I've been making lots of mistakes recently and just felt so lousy. Not only that, I've seen very hypocritical ppl and I'm scared somtimes. I find it hard to trust ppl. And I doubt God just as easily. I really feel so hopeless at work sometimes. How could these ppl believe in true love, in a God who loved them when they are so hypocrite. They would probably think I'm nice so that I can trick them to church or sth. And, sometimes, ppl just don't care. An eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth. That's what I'm taught now. "Hey, shuyan, kindness don't pay off" Well, I can't blame them. I realise the world is cruel and full of evil. I know, the bible says so. And some ppl jus experienced it earlier than I do. I grew up in a place full of love, realness, and openness. A place full of grace, and forgiveness. A place where ppl really do care. And i MISSED that place. ALOT. sometimes, i feel like i'm being sucked into the "culture". I get depressed at my own weaknesses. I don't wanna give without loving. I don't wanna cover mistakes which I made. I don't wanna not care anymore. But, I do. I'm so dissapionted with myself and I think I dissapointed God too. I really dunno how to "survive" being a light in the darkness. I feel that my lamp is flickering. And I'm sad, admist all my happiness.

I cried to God on my 21st birthday in my secret.

AND I am really happy as well, I really didnt know I would be so happy to have surprises. I've always thought it's like any other day. There's no need to celebrate. I only wanted to save those ppl I know would celebrate for me the time and effort of planning and brainstorming. so, I organised it myself. But surprises still came. PKC peeps, I really hear your heart behind the surprises. Though I guessed it, but well, it really made my day full of laughter! I've been laughing to myself throughout the journey. And actually, it's quite fun being sabo-ed. that's just nice. Too much will have undesirable effects. And to my nyp classmates, you made me laugh till i cry. i didnt guessed it at all. And I really love it. I love strawberry! And the necklace too. And, the amazing thing is that I really love this year's presents. I'm touched. It's all things that I wanted but cos I don't need them, I jus forget abt them. God remembered. All of you really made my day. Been laughing to myself alot too. HAHAHAHA. HUGS! :)

Thanks for all the wishes and prayers! Seriously, it made my day.

Anw, I really feel I dont deserve it. So often I forgot abt ppl's birthday, missed their celebrations for some reasons. And often had to wish ppl belated birthday. I'm probably not a very good friend to ppl but I have very good friends. I'm blessed!

And for those who forgot or didnt say happy birthday, it's okay! I always do... don't go on a guilt trip. What matters most is the friendship.

Anw, there are still ppl i wanna meet up with.

God, revived again my heart today to love YOU and people.

Dance, sing, play, work, love, think, in my secret...
Let my only audience be You- My Dad, my King, my beloved, my friend :)

Odie: :) i'm okay with Daddy! i'm blessed with Him!
Kamsiah: i want to go nyp! :)
Eileen Ong: MEET UP! :)
jincheng: i will. :)
serena: ok, linked. :)
zarifah: love you! :)
christina: my friend uploaded in my fb. :)

Expectations.
It's sth i'm trying to meet everyday
Reasonable, unreasonable, possible, impossible.

So what if...
i dont,
i missed it,
i failed?

who do i hear?

People
Self or
GOD.

Now I see why it all happened. The harsh words from ppl. It made me realise who am I really listening to all these while. Whoose words is it that really mattered to me most. I listened again, it wasn't Daddy's voice. He reminded me to hear Him.

I'm fine now, in fact, I AM JOYFUL! :)

HEY thanks KAMSIAH, ODIE and SUIYING!

I have lots to say to you but am tired physically.
Gotta clear my messy house abit too.
And get back on track.

God is good, all the time.
All the time, God is good.

=)

Anyone has the song first love?
It goes like:

My first love, forever You will be
My first breathe, You're the life in me...

and i forgot. but it ever ministered to me so deeply.
Yes, the time when He said, "i love you, i love you, i love..."

TOUCHED*

ANW, got a song to share. it's called Amazing Grace (My Chains are Gone) by Chris Tomlin. How true are the lyrics... how true. Jus read and ponder.

Amazing grace
How sweet the sound
That saved a wretch like me
I once was lost, but now I'm found
Was blind, but now I see
'Twas grace that taught my heart to fear
And grace my fears relieved
How precious did that grace appear
The hour I first believed

Chorus:
My chains are gone
I've been set free
My God, my Savior has ransomed me
And like a flood His mercy reigns
Unending love, Amazing grace

The Lord has promised good to me
His word my hope secures
He will my shield and portion be
As long as life endures

The earth shall soon dissolve like snow
The sun forbear to shine
But God, Who called me here below
Will be forever mine
Will be forever mine
You are forever mine

On a lighter note, had fun today at 5Cs. I enjoyed the unity, teamwork, collaboration and how we worked hard to beat records, fixing rojak puzzles and passing balls. HA! reminds me of st johns camps, overnight prayer, OBS! I think it's so smart of them to come up with games with a lesson behind. We did a cheer at the end. A funny and entertaining one. Enjoyed spending quality time too. And today it's with yajing at orchad. Lastly, buffet @ fumara- Fun with camera, food and of cos PEOPLE! I wouldn't pay for food, I wouldn't pay for camera but it's worth it for ppl... forget abt entertainment. I don't really fancy movies, kbox, clubbing, neoprints, buffet, shopping, chalets (ok, at least this is fun) but if I can understand another person better through all these then it's all worth it. (FYI: activities I fancy are swimming, running, walking, cooking, singing, play the guitar and cycling. that's it for now) One reason why I chose nursing is bcos its ppl orientated. My fav subjects at NYP then was DE social sciences. I admired social science lecturers. I enjoyed their lectures the most since year 1. I think they are wise. I think my NYPCCC leaders are wise too. They listen, then ask the right qns, and they just got the right words to say. You never felt like you are being judged. I desire to be like them. The only temptation then will be pride. OK, let's move back to reality. Right now, my prayers are: If I'm tempted to be task focused, help me choose to see my patients/collaugues as God's precious. If I'm tempted to envy, help me to be contented with what I have and to see His overflowing blessings. If am tempted to be self-centred, help me to be God-centered. And in time, never let pride hold me but fill me with His love and humility. Another secret desire I had... hahaha. don't laught k... is... to really know how to play the piano. I've been sitting on my dreams la. But it's not my priority now... so I'll continue to sit.

Sorry for the long chunk. I know its wordy, ppl are complaining but I get carried away. it's okay la, next time when I'm old I can read and re read and remember the days. right? Then I won't have early dementia! HAHAHA!

I enjoy the life that God has given me and I will treasure this time that I have.

I'm glad God allowed me to be junior most of the time. I can bring pts to shower, change their diapers, feed them, pour them a glass of water, cut their nails, doing a dressing, apply moisturising cream, smile at them, sayang them. That itself is such a great privilege for me to let God's love flow thru me. However, sometimes, being an in charge is inevitable. But, I hope I can spend minimal time on papers n tasks... pray that i'll work faster?

I'm glad also to have met up with my frrriennndds! Haha! God really blessed our meeting up! It's also a time when I got closer and more bonded to some girls at foundation programme. HEE! Thank God for the time.

Thank God for my collaugues too! Why are they always so so so funny? HAHAHAHA! It's really an interesting place to work in.

And thank God, He provided ALL I needed as I learnt to trust Him in my finances. Well, He provided more than just basic necessities. He provided my wants too! Like chocolates! I never thought my parents would buy choc for us.

Thank God, even as I see little yellow flowers on the way to work. It jus show how creative God can be. God's creations are beautiful and that means you and me too!

Thank God for surprises that makes life full of wonder. I saw xiao wanlin and weiguang at outram mrt! And then athens too!! He brought diff ppl into my life in he most unexpected circumstances!!

And I'm glad that He woke me up twice just in time for work. I haven't been late so far in these 5 months.

Thank God for sleep! Enough of sleep!
Psalms 127:2
It is vain for you to rise up early,
To sit up late,
To eat the bread of sorrows;
For so He gives His beloved sleep.

Thank God for the time with Him. And I sing... "I wouldn't change a thing, for there is nth else that last. I've been truly blessed, everyday I spent (with You) have been my best."

=)

Was listening to a sermon cd recently. It's abt how Satan always used the same tricks from the beginning. Let's see how he decieved Eve to eat the tree of good and evil.

Genesis 3
The Fall of Man

1 Now the serpent was more crafty than any of the wild animals the LORD God had made. He said to the woman, "Did God really say, 'You must not eat from any tree in the garden'?"

First, he plays with your mind. he fills your mind with doubt. "did God really say...".Look, he didn't say "did God really say you must not eat from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil" which seemed so obvious that he's trying to add doubt, instead, he said, "did God really say you must not eat from any tree in the garden". It's seemed as if he did not know and needs some guidance from Eve. So, let's see what eve said.

2 The woman said to the serpent, "We may eat fruit from the trees in the garden, 3 but God did say, 'You must not eat fruit from the tree that is in the middle of the garden, and you must not touch it, or you will die.' "

This was the exact command from God (Gen 2:17), "You are free to eat from any tree in the garden; 17 but you must not eat from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, for when you eat of it you will surely die". God didnt say you must not touch it. This only show that Eve do not know God's word well. And so, satan is able to decieve her.

4 "You will not surely die," the serpent said to the woman. 5 "For God knows that when you eat of it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil."

This is what we call half truths. It sounds like the truth but it's not really the truth. We will not die physially but we'll die spiritually (seperation from God). It's true that our eyes will be opened and we'll know good and evil. But I wished we never knew evil.

6 When the woman saw that the fruit of the tree was good for food and pleasing to the eye, and also desirable for gaining wisdom, she took some and ate it. She also gave some to her husband, who was with her, and he ate it. 7 Then the eyes of both of them were opened, and they realized they were naked; so they sewed fig leaves together and made coverings for themselves.

1John 2:16 For all that is in the world, the lust of the flesh, and the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life, is not of the Father, but is of the world. These three are the same temptations that Satan brought to Eve when she ate from the tree (Gen:3:6) and are the same temptations that Satan brought Jesus, and are the same temptations that Satan brings to all men.

For all that is in the world

1) the lust of the flesh
Eve saw that the tree was good for food
2) the lust of the eyes
Eve saw that the tree was good to look at
3) the pride of life
Eve saw the tree was to be desired to make one wise

i watched a disaster movie ytd, which i think it's kinda destructive to the mind. it's too violent and disgusting. i walked into the theartre not knowing what's the movie abt. i was quite tramautised. i can't believed this kind if show would be produced. it makes killing and lives seemed like nth. although it's jus for fun but it's not very funny. and when i went hm, the images of chips munks biting off flesh kept playing in my mind and it's quite distracting bcos i begin to be more aware of the presence of evil in this world, and ard me. i realised i'm fearful. i felt like i can't perform my activities of daily living in peace. Like when i'm alone or in the toilet, i'd feel that chipmunks r behind of me or sth.

Sth is wrong, I know cos God always gave me peace. I prayed. and once again i realised how big i see evil is. like it's bigger than God? Thank God for His reminder than He is bigger. I don't have to be afraid. In fact, in the name of Jesus, demons will have to flee. And God's peace upon came once again. Even when i'm brushing my teeth in the wee hrs of the morning, I know that God will never leave me nor forsake me.

So, i learnt, never walk into a theatre blindly. And, i never want to watch horror, violent movies bcos it always depicts that evil as if it's very big and these frail humans can do nth but scream and die. Well, it's true, if we are alone, we can only scream and be oppressed by evil. Only with God can we be safe, even to the point of death, we'll be awaiting angels... and awaiting to see our Heavenly Daddy's face. :)

Well, anw, I'm still glad to have met up with my friends at foundation class after so long! :)

Answered prayers:

-I was searching frantically for my bag for the past 15mins. Up and down, I can't find it!! i have to get out of the house by seven. I told God. please, if not i'll be late, pls open my eyes and let me see. I walked into the kitchen- the place I least thought I would find it and it was there. And then 39 came just abt a min aft i reached the bus stop. Whooh.

-I haven't been preparing for games at kids church the whole week bcos of these emotional ups and downs. I didn't start preparing or brainstorming the moment I went down. I went to the toilet just to pray. God, I know it's kinda late but you are able to do all things and it is for your children sake, not for myself nor my reputation. It's for your glory. I went into the backstage, stared at the stuff and got the toilet rolls and rifia strings. God provided the manpower. The kids enjoyed it. I know it's God.

-My younger brother went church again!

-My mum went for mission trip!

1 Peter 2:9

But you are a chosen generation, a royal preiesthood, a holy nation, His own special people, that you may proclaim the praises of Him who called you out of darkness into His marvelous light.

Well, my blog has come thus far and many a times, I felt like I'm just sharing superficial stuffs bcos I felt that certain things is too personal to share to so many ppl and so I'll scribble in my journal. But no longer do I want to be so but I want to be upright, front and honest. I wanna proclaim not abt me but the praises of Him who has called me out of darkness into His marvelous light.

Yes, Eddison. I've backslided or whatever you wanna call that. Basically that is leaving the presence of God and my vision was unclear. I didn't see God. I saw a world of wickedness and without hope, I saw life is meaningless- beauty, fame, wealth, power is like chasing aft the wind. It isn't worth spending so much time and energy chasing aft it. i mean some ppl spend their whole life/80% of their time on such when everybody will go back to earth one day. At that pt, what is beauty to you? what is fame, or wealth? Everyone will still end up the same- RIP. So why bother, why try so hard? why struggle so much? life is hard you know. It's cruel sometimes. Even r/s can be superficial. I saw how ppl was nice to some ppl and then talked behind their backs. The world is so diff from what I grew up in. Sometimes, I find it hard to trust. Do you know what I felt like doing then? 2 things came to my mind. One, to end my life. two, to find someone to live for, and to have someone to love me for who I am, I mean not to like me bcos I am lovely, fun to be with, kind helpful, etc. But whatever it is to love me. If I can't find option two, I'll go to option one. And I really thought option two was impossible on this earth, after seeing so much of human hearts and intentions... I prob say I was depressed, though I smiled. Hahahaha. alot. I have to... bcos I have to work. You gotta smile and work even when you cry.

So why am I still here. That's God's grace. Seriously. You know what I missed most during my depressed moments? I rem how blessed I was in Him, how happy I was when I'm with Him, how loved I was. I missed God. ALOT. I can't seemed to go back to Him. I've avoided church bcos I don't feel like sharing such stuff. I felt like no one would understand. I don't wanna be a hypocrite. I don't read the bible cos everytime I flipped open the bible, i seemed so lost, like it's not speaking in my situation... well, or maybe i'm not hearing and when i tried to pray... it's lamenting. But deep, deep inside I want God... I want Him.

And I told you God pursued me. How? He can't speak thru the bible cos i'm not even reading, He can't speak thru church, cos I'm not even attending, He can't get through me cos my thoughts are so consumed with bitterness instead of Him. What did He do? He showed His amazing love thru a sis. She sat down and listen though I can't even describe what I'm feeling. Bits and pieces here and thr, yet she still listened. She saw the tears, she just prayed. It's really not abt what she had done but that act in itself, I saw God. I saw He never gave up on me. I saw how I was worthy of His time that he would sent someone to listen to me. i saw how He loved me even though I haven't done anything worthy. I felt God's love so overwhelming and assuring. And it didn't end there.

God assured me of His love again today. You know as most girls would, sometimes, i would think how nice it is to have a bf, esp everyone ard you is having one. But I know I live for God and trust that he will provide and meet all my needs. Today, during worship, I felt that He said I love you more than any guy would. and then at the end of the service, His voice was so clear. I love you, I love you, I love you... Man... I was so touched. I felt so blessed again, so, so, so, so (x1000) blessed to be in His presence.

In summary, this skit really, really describe my life and His love. Oh, how I was so unworthy yet He went all out for me-> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cyheJ480LYA

Imagine if I never experience God in my life, would I even missed God? Would I ever desire to be back in His presence? I won't cos I don't know how its is like. i won't know what it is like to have joy and hope and love. If i had not known... I'd prob not be on earth anymore for nth on earth is worth living for.

I hope the whole world knows and experience Him. It's not abt diff beliefs and such. Its abt knowing the ONE who breathe life into your nostrils, the ONE who loved you.

i can't sleep! post night syndrome! haha.

BUT...

i'm happy! full of JOY
i found my purpose again
i actually felt so blessed
i felt complete

nth else matters as much.

I'm glad that God hasnt leave me nor forsake me during this period of time when i've allowed unholiness to set in in my life. In fact, He pursues me and loved me. Im touched. There was a period of time, not long ago when I find that everything is so so meaningless. I felt so, so, so, so tired of life. It's those subtle little sins that took captive of my thoughts that causes me to loose my focus, like being envious of what other ppl may have? Really wished I could do my work efficiently, wished i could multi-task well like how some ppl could. I felt I can't meet the expectations of my superiors even though I tried. I didn't trust Him that all things work for the good of those who loved Him and are called acc to His good purpose. But He never gives up on me. The Healthcare family meeting was God-sent, and just in His timing, i'm morning shift. Serena and Carol could go together with me is His divine appt, and the team meet, the prayers and huihui... thank you God... I can't thank you enough. Indeed, it is your love that restores me. Living for you is the only meaningful thing to do because one day everything is gonna go but You and Your word will stand forever. That's all that matters.

Complete - Parachute Band

Here I am, Oh God
I bring this sacrifice--my open heart.
I offer up my life.

I look to You, Lord
Your love that never ends
Restores me again

So I lift my eyes to you Lord
In your strength will I break through Lord
Touch me now, let your love fall down on me
I know your love dispels all my fears.

Through the storm I will hold on Lord
And I pray I will hold on, Lord
Then I'll see beyond my calvary one day
And I will be complete in You

Encouragement

How many times have I broken Your heart,
Still You forgive if only I ask...

Countless times, I know.
But His overwhelming grace and love never fails to draw me back to Him.

Even in those times when I'm most away from Him.

I saw how He graciously saved me from stupid mistakes that could have cost me so much trouble.

The times when I always have food to bring to work.

The times when I woke up just in time for work, even when I switched off my alarm.

He still ans my prayers- re: my bro, my mom, my work matters.

I've had enough for this month

He encouraged me thru the Healthcare meeting.

He is still faithful even when I'm not.

But I'm coming back...

Back to Your heart.

Thank You Lord.

hey ppl, found this (http://www.smilegodlovesyou.org/GodLovesYou.html) interesting site when I googled, "smile, God loves you!"

Hello sara, it's nice to hear from you again! yea. marshmallow, I was in the midst of clearing my room and saw so many of your handmade gifts and notes that you have encouraged me with. It just made me smile widely. :) It's just a blessing having you.

Sarizan, haha, yea, same here. Miss you! :)

Davin, His thoughts are always higher than ours. I trust in His timings. :)
Miss you guys loaddds too!!

Xue Er: Sure! we can always meet up at NYP! :)

Have you ever felt so upset with yourself for the some things that you know you shouldnt do but still do? I did. Well, Peter and Judas did too. The only difference is one choose to rely on his own, which led him to death; The other choose to rely on Grace, which led him to life.

Only by grace can I enter
Only by grace can I stand
Not by my human endeavour
But by the blood of the Lamb

Isaiah 1:18

"Come now, let us reason together," says the Lord, "though your sins are like scarelet, they shall be white as snow; Though they are red like crimson, they shall be as wool."

God's Riches At Christ Expense- The Power of the Cross

John 8
A Woman Caught in Adultery

Jesus returned to the Mount of Olives, 2 but early the next morning he was back again at the Temple. A crowd soon gathered, and he sat down and taught them. 3 As he was speaking, the teachers of religious law and the Pharisees brought a woman who had been caught in the act of adultery. They put her in front of the crowd.
4 “Teacher,” they said to Jesus, “this woman was caught in the act of adultery. 5 The law of Moses says to stone her. What do you say?”

6 They were trying to trap him into saying something they could use against him, but Jesus stooped down and wrote in the dust with his finger. 7 They kept demanding an answer, so he stood up again and said, “All right, but let the one who has never sinned throw the first stone!” 8 Then he stooped down again and wrote in the dust.

9 When the accusers heard this, they slipped away one by one, beginning with the oldest, until only Jesus was left in the middle of the crowd with the woman. 10 Then Jesus stood up again and said to the woman, “Where are your accusers? Didn’t even one of them condemn you?”

11 “No, Lord,” she said.

And Jesus said, “Neither do I. Go and sin no more.”

Thank You Lord for Your Grace

REPLIES TO TAGSSS.

Paul Lin B.L: ok, will relink.
Selene: Selene! surprised* Great to hear that. Miss you!! and all the row of girls at foundation prog!
Odie: HEY! Great to hear from you tt day!
Hweepeng: You are missed too.
Kang Wanlin: Hahahaha. yes, its chim.
yy: Ha. thanks. you take care hor. but i'm still seriously proud of you guys!
Paul: Yes great to see you.
Priscilla: Will linked.
Kang Wanlin: OK!

There was a point in my life when I seriously do not why I'm feeling what I'm feeling. So, I thought I should be fine. There's really nothing much to bother me. Not until I sat down with a friend one day and things surfaced. I realised that my life was imbalance. Our life shouldnt be jus consist of work and work and work. We need rest, not just physically but spiritually. That's why God created the world in 6 days and rest on the 7th. That's why He commanded Sabbath. We need encouragement. We need one another. We are created different to complement and bless one another with our diff gifts. We need to fellowship with our bro ans sis in Christ. That's why the bible says do not give up meeting one another... but SPUR one another on... We need the Word. Not jus reading but hearing. Pastors are great man of God, blessed and anionted with the gift of teaching. So many times, my life have been blessed by their sermons. We need a relationship with God. That's what we are created for. We need to know Him. Not jus knowledge but experience.

It's been 8 years since I'm back to Msia, perak (sitiawan). I had a good 4 days of rest at Msia and was personally blessed by my uncle and his wife. Both great man and women of God. Truly, a heart of a servant. The trip wouldnt be fun without them. They invited us to their house on the 1st night to have durians. On the second night, they drove us an hour to a seafood resturant. It's delicous. Then we went to the seaside to have deserts and we talked. Then, we followed them to a funeral. On the third night, they brought us for supper.

I was so blessed just hearing from my aunt's life. So many things that she went thru, even nasty and hurting ones. God had them to refine her. I was touched, particularly by this one. She shared abt how she went to a Dr for checkup. The Dr told her tt she has high albumin in the kidney. She said she will go home and pray and the Dr casually said that he got an A star for bible knowledge, a subject they have to take in sch. My aunt then said, "You have knowledge, I have experience". From that day, she fasted her lunch and claim the verse, "By His strips, we are healed". One day, she jus heard an audible voice saying, "You are healed" At first she thought it was her husband. But no one was at hm at tt time. The next checkup showed normal results. The Dr couldnt believe it and asked her to do a repeat. All the abnormalities were indeed gone even after the second and third repeat. It not only encourages but spark off sth in me. I do not jus want knowledge, I want to experience God. Not jus during missions or once in a while but to experience Him in my everyday life.

From day one to day four, all I could see in them was LOVE. I saw how they drove us ard, opened durians, rambutans, mangosteens for us, jus being thr for us, I saw how they gave their time to ppl and help them in times of need, how they stand by thru ppl who lost a loved one. All these, on top of their work and routine. Even, how they loved each other and care for each other, even though they are in their fities, but they are still very FUN-LOVING! They made a great impact in my life, not jus what they say but so much more of what they do.

God is good. :)

Reply to tags:
Yea tim, diff but kamsiah is still so ever helpful. Am grateful to God for her.
Davin, such an encouragement! Hope you are doing well. For our hope is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

UPDATES before i forgot:

Work is ever as much
Stress is ever there
Scoldings are unavoidable
Time is always tight
But...
There's much that God blessed me with

I have my sats off (though I didnt requested ever since I got rejected during attachment). I was quite amazed and elated. Thank God for the good spiritual refreshment each week. I cant afford to exchange with anything else for it's so precious. They don't just come like that, esp when I'm working.
There are time when I can read a good book on the train that encourages me.
There are some days when I can have time to care for my patients.
I have enough rest.
I know ppl are praying and encouraging me on.
There are always food on the table. Felt so blessed at home.
I have time with my collauge. Going to chinatown and have chicken rice is such a luxury now.
Just talking to my family when eating is too, a luxury.
I saw how God work in and thru my pals in SGH.
I saw how God picked me up each time I fall, how His grace is sufficient, how He gave me new strength and hope to face each tough situation.
For His love to look at ppl differently.
AND THAT GOD IS WITH ME THROUGH IT ALL.

Prayer request: To obey God's law only.

Sorry, I'm unable to commit to sjab at the moment now.

My next day off:
sat (5/7/08)
tues (8/7/08)
sat (12/7/08)

yo yO YO YO!

OPPS. Havent been updating for soooooooo long. HAHA.
Been spending >10 hrs @ work per day
Ave allocation of time in a 24 hr day:
Work 11hrs,
Sleep 8hrs,
Free time+Eat+Bathe 3hrs
Travel 2hrs
CHILL!
Coming off days:
Sat 21/6
Sat 28/6

anyways.
hi suiying
hi jane
hi emily
hi ruiqi
hi davin
hi tim
your tags are noted with much thanks.

General Condition:
Alive and well, getting used to work alr.
Conclusion from my working experience:
I cant please everyone. i dont have to, as long as my conscious is clear.
I'm not perfect but am in the process of doing so by His grace
If I feel that no one really cares, then most prob everyone will think that way too, so why not be the one who cares?
I dont have to feel that I'm being 'bullied' by others if i'm too nice bcos it's not them that i'm doing it for.
Prayers:
Thank God for-
->Strength
->Heart to serve
->J-O-Y that's independant of circumstances.
Pray that it will not ceased

Yu Shu Yan @ 0130 hrs

hello!

was prompted by a friend to update.
well, seriously, i don't know where to start.
it's been too long since i've update, so thr's many things i've missed out.

today is the 1st day working in the ward aft such a long time of lectures.
i felt quite happy and welcomed by the staff.
i'm still figuring out many things along the way, both work & r/s w ppl.
i'm thankful enough for friends to hear me out, to pray and assure me.

I jus saw on tv abt taboos- abt female bodybuilders, abt an indian festival whr males will dress as females to b married to their gods, abt female wrestlers.

several reasons- they want to be different; they want to feel confident; they want to be strong; they want to feel accepted, belonged and loved; they want blessings fr.
their gods; they feel closer to god.

isn't that what everybody wants?
yet, if those are really the measure of human's confident, acceptance, belonging and blessings,
then, one earthquake, one cyclone, one tornado, one tsunami,
all will be gone.

If ever you are in such times and your heart is still beating and your pulse is still pulsating, it means God hasn't give up on you yet and you don't have to give up on yourself. He's still waiting to love you, accept you, and bless you, only with your permission. Before you say all is gone, think again.

Sth fr Max Lucado, Facing the Giants, "You will never know Jesus is all you need until He is all you have."

God is too good to be unkind,
God is too wise to be confused,
When I cannot trace His hand,
I can always trust His heart.

its been a fun day today!
enjoyed playing games with freshmen! So full of enthusiasm!
i was once like them too but i wasnt enthu at all.
but today i was quite ENTHU!!
HAHA. well, God has His divine plan and purpose for me to be there ba.
A few days ago I was reflecting and I jus praise God for all that He has done in my life.

I remembered in year one, I was like any other freshmen, feeling quite excited about poly life. I wanted to study hard and join a fun CCA. I was a Sunday Christian then too, who was only satisfied by my church attendance. I never thought of being in campus crusade, never thought that I could have great faith, never thought that I can have such intimacy with God, never even thought that God could use me. During clubcrawl, I signed up for many CCAs except campus crusade. However, someone by the name of serena called me and invited me for campus crusade welcome tea. Then, I remembered I filled in a survey form outside macdonalds. Though I wasn’t very keen cos none of my clique are Christians but I decided to jus take a look. Well, the welcome tea wasn’t very fun. I thought it was quite boring. Since then, I didn’t go for their weekly meetings. But thank God, I was still connected to campus crusade thru serena, who bcame my bible study grp leader. Her sincerity was what attracted me to her. She was more than a bible study grp leader but also like a friend to me. A friend that is genuine and real in sharing her life with you, a friend that is patiently listening when you talk to her. A friend that will pray for you and encourage you. So, about December that year, she informed me about a camp called the metamorphosis and encouraged me to go. I didn’t really wanted to go cos I am not realy close to the ppl in campus crusade except serena who wasn’t going then. To cut the long story short, by God’s divine plan, I was there at the camp. After the camp, two perspective changed. One, crusade was no longer a boring CCA but a fun and enriching one. God used the camp to be real and intimate with me again. Two, I can be someone who truly follows Jesus and impact people around me, especially in NYP whom I spent most of my time in. I was particularly encouraged by one crusader from SP who shared how God used him to intercede and lead his classmates to Christ. About 3 months later, I went for a mission trip. My faith was stretched as I trust Him for things beyond myself. My confidence in Him grew as I experienced Him as a God who supply all my needs, who loved me for who I am, who time and again pick me up when I fall, and also someone who can use me despite my weaknesses. From then on, I am able to trust God with more and more things, knowing that He is able to do all things. About the end of year 2, God led me to minister in ppl's life, leading someone out of depression. Today, I am convinced by God that I am a child of light in this crooked and perverse generation among whom I can shine like stars simply because of all the experiences that God brought me through of knowing Him and His love for me and every single person on this earth. As I grow closer to God, I know that He wants to love people like how Christ loved me. Hurting people, lost people, people who are despised and rejects of the world. God loved them all. I thank God for campus crusade for He has used a big part of their labor to transform me. :)

i like to cry silently when i'm sad.

i like to laugh out loud when i'm happy.

Man can only see my facade.

You saw both. You looked deep into my heart.

Have you ever loved someone so much but that person never reciprocate?

I did. It hurts real bad.

Have you ever feel like you can't be real because you can't be loved and accepted for who you are?

I did. It's hard. It's uncomfortable.

All of a sudden, I missed my recent MT team alot.

I felt true love and acceptance.

I can be free and speak without fear.

Everyone was real.

God, why am I feeling this way? I know I'm accepted and loved by You but the feeling is so real, I can't talk myself out of it.

"You've just experienced the cry of one that needs love and acceptance. I hurt as much as they do. They hurt as much as what you are hurting now. You've experienced My perfect love that drives out all fear. Will you bring My love to those who need it so much?"

That hurt was taken away.

It felt like a dream. A dream with real feelings that you can still remember.

God, I thank You that i can be real before you. My deepest hurt was only seen by You. No matter how ugly I looked when I cry, I don't need to cover my face. My tears can flow freely before You. Thanks for Your love and acceptance. You are the only One who doesn't mind me being ugly. I don't even feel that I'm judged and put down when I asked You qns, when I tell You what's really in my heart. With Your patience and grace, You ans and You guided me in Your truth. You understand every bit of what I'm feeling. Thanks for being there silently and letting me cry all I want. Thanks for speaking too. Thank You for allowing me to feel a little of what you felt, a little bit of Your heart that I'll experience more and more as I grow closer to You. Thank You for the intimacy we share just between You and me. It is so precious. Let us be closer, not further cos I don't want to loose it. Let Your love flow thru me and lead me to ppl that You've always loved so much.

replies to tags
Eddison: thanks for your well wishes and "compliment"! :)
charlie-ge: yo mortal. it's been really great having you in the team too! had so much fun with your great game ideas, programme and leading. i rem i LOL-ed playing blind mice cos of you and Jason (such a big person squeezing under the small table and chair, another squeezing into the small cupboard under the tv). besides the fun, i realised you've got such a tender heart for God and ppl. and like what bing always said, caring. *nods nods nods* i agree! Gd example to follow after. Continue to allow Christ life to flow thru you no matter where you are! (John 15:16). God is with you even at your boring workplace. keke. He knows exactly how you feel. :)
Louis: you've got internet connection? Anw, thanks. I am doing well. Lately there's so much hype and fun and crazy moments with my friends but beyond all that, I thank God more for the quiet moments where the Holy Spirit worked deep in my heart. Though there's many things that I feel I shouldnt do but did or should do but did not, all in all, I thank God for the godly sorrow that leads to repentance. Still I rejoice in the hope that He who had started a good work in me will carry on till the day of completion. (Phil 1:6) :) And that was the very same verse I text you. I really believe so for you as much as for me. I'm so amazed by the things you went thru, your family, struggles and all, each time God brought you thru, changing and moulding you. Even during the trip too. And there may be more to come (1 Peter 4:12). As much as you learnt from God, God made me learnt so much through your life too. Above all, His glory is unveiled through you, through me and the team. For when we are weak, He is strong! Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. (Romans 5:3-4) :)

samsam!
i saw this arty video! Reminded me of you. Go and see. http://www.ccalmm.com/
:) Yea, and i wanted to add, that I really learnt so much from you, especially being intimate with God. As iron sharpens iron. Thanks buddy. :)

reply to sam:
I missed alot of things leh. I missed talking to you, the very heartfelt, deep, honest sharings between you, me and God just before we sleep. The confessions. The accountability. HAHAHA. I missed the prasie and worship together, esp the time when we sang, "how can i keep from singing Your praise, how can i ever say enough, how amazing is Your love", the times when I hear you sing, "Whenever I feel down, when everything seems wrong, such times, i feel i just can't go on anymore, when I remind myself of Him, He who can take away my cares, Jesus thanks for the faith I now have in you, Lord..." Our first reaction of the smelly toufu, kekeke and the delicous cuttlefish. And the funniest thing. The many, many times when we laughed out loud when yongjie thought his angel is you and louis thought his angel is me, the times of looking at the ladybird together, taking photo at the dangerous place which louis is so anxious of when you sat there. Our fav quiet place, bamboo shoot but later it was too cold we changed it to the milk tea shop. The times when we dance Never Give Up at the flagpole cos there was no one there. The times when we were washing clothes and praying together. Rap-walking with you, seeing the frog and laughing, feeling the wind thru our faces. Reminding each other to bring key and hp. HAHA. Experiencing the "unique" toilet. Buddy, I really missed you.

Women are like Macs and men are like PCs. I feel that's a generalisation. Somtimes, i felt like a PC, just can't multi-task well. Keke. It's a random thought when I thought of opening to many windows- blog, email, msn, i accidentally closed a few and gonna re sign in again.

ok highlight, highlights-
NYP crusade chalet! Keke.
FUN! tiring. enlightening... let me tell you why.
Played "sardines". It felt like a hide and seek though.
ok, the real *highlight* is...
i'm bitten by an BIG, HUMONGOUS ANT! I freaked out.
I felt that the pain was worse then blood taking.
There it stinged. There I screamed.
I didnt even dare to take the insect out of my flesh cos I'm afaid that it will sting my hand too. The insect was unflickable (there's no such word, i think but it's used to describe sth that's stuck on you despite furiously trying to shake it off).
Just screamed. and shake. I didn't realise how unglam it was at that moment! (I've learnt to laugh when I'm embarrased.) HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
Anw, ivin just removed it. Like it's nothing.

I've realised I've just believed in a lie. How could it sting your hand when you are grabbing the body? It's just an ant, smaller than my pinkie's nail, how could it be so big and humongous? I realised that my fears are irrational, my fears paralyzes me and my fears allow it to continue stinging me. Truth is so important at that moment. Knowing the truth can indeed set me free. The truth is, that I have all power and authority to take that ant off me. The truth is, the ant is so small, compared to me. I could pray all day long just to remove that ant but God has already given me all I need to remove it. I need to realise TRUTH.

I would strongly recommend bondage breaker to everybody. It really exposes many lies and reveals many truth. At first, I thought I wouldnt need it cos I feel my life is not in some kind of bondage (my impression of bondage is like drug addiction or sexual addiction, etc) but after reading the book (my church decided to use this book as a material, because of that, i started to read) I realise I am. I'm subtly believing in lies and in bondage of things seemingly innocent which causes me not to experience real victory and freedom that we should have in Christ. Like, for example when phyiscal rest becomes laziness. Yes. I confessed. Laziness. I always thought I shouldn't do it but before I do it, somehow, there's this voice saying, its ok to sleep more, you need it, you will be more energised when the truth is i only need 8 hours of sleep! And then when I wake up, i know I shouldn't. So I confess. And the same thing happpned again and i go into my sin-confess-sin-confess cycle. That's bondage. I need to reject the lie and use the truth. The greater truth is my identity in Christ. I am no longer slaves of sin because Christ has redeemed me from sin. And the same goes for every beloved child of God. There is victory, there is hope for us who are struggling in bondage. We don't have to anymore. We just need to realise about the truth of who we are. Just like how I have the power and authority to take that ant off me, we have the power and authority in Christ Jesus to renounce the lies that satan put in us. Two men betrayed Jesus but one end up hanging himself cos of the lies that he believed in, the other came back to God because of the truth he believed in. Satan (father of lies) sole purpose is only to steal, kill and destroy. His decietfulness is clearly shown when he tempted Eve, when he tempted, accused and condemned Judah, and today, he is still as decietful as ever, taking away our freedom and victory which rightfully belongs to us, as a child of God.

replies to tags:

Davin: Praise God! Haha. great to see you at cell! Thanks for being such a great bro to many of us. :)
jp: hey dear sis, you are so very welcome. love you lots :)
sars: it's so great to hear from you again!
jincheng: Yes, yes. It is an exciting journey and I know even when I'm back, it can be still as exciting too! :)
odie: Hee. Thanks!

Today I went for team meeting. I'm so encouraged to be part of the team, to be encouraged and cared for, to hear from the different ones. The last day will always be a great thanksgiving when I remember how God brought us together again. It was just so beautiful to depend on Him to love each other like how Christ would.

I'm sleeping early and want to wake up early too, in prep for work.

Btw, friends, please call my hm no. if you wanna contact me, 67598287. Thanks.

God bless! :)

Just now I was talking to someone on MSN and he commented that I am a super christian. I would beg to differ and clarify. I am a sinner saved by grace, bought with a price. I am not righteous because I obeyed the law. I am justified by faith. If I am able to be saved by my own works, then it would nullify the power of the cross. The fact is I am not able. It is only because I choose to accept the wonderful gift of salvation to which God had revealed to me. I am accepted, secured, made worthy and righteous by the power of God that I have allowed to work in and through me.

Galatians 5:16-26 (New International Version)

Life by the Spirit
16So I say, live by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the sinful nature. 17For the sinful nature desires what is contrary to the Spirit, and the Spirit what is contrary to the sinful nature. They are in conflict with each other, so that you do not do what you want. 18But if you are led by the Spirit, you are not under law.
19The acts of the sinful nature are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery; 20idolatry and witchcraft; hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions 21and envy; drunkenness, orgies, and the like. I warn you, as I did before, that those who live like this will not inherit the kingdom of God.

22But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. 24Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the sinful nature with its passions and desires. 25Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit. 26Let us not become conceited, provoking and envying each other.

Today I went to P. Ubin with Fiona and both of us thought that it would be an awesome place to have a walk with God. The only 2 discomforts was the hot weather and the mosquitoes! Well, I wouldn't mind the resort though. Air-con... yes. :)

While we were heading back, feeling so hot and hungry... all of a sudden i missed strawberry "bing tang hu lu" and the cold weather in china.

But it was a good time getting in touch with God's beautiful creations.

I saw a pic of a chicken in the brochure and thought abt a silly joke back in china.

We were eating dinner one fine day.

A: why is the egg so small? (it was actoally a quail egg)
B: cos the chicken's backside is too small
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
the rest burst out laughing!

some of the pictures here


http://www.flickr.com/photos/25318501@N08/

replies to tags:

wanlin: thanks my dearest sis!
miao: i know you may not see this but i'll link you. haha :)
swingg: hi! are you suiying??
odie: heehee! thx for your prayers :) btw, its shu xian is spelt as shu shyan
amanda: glad to hear from you
EILEEN(: I heard abt it and i'm really really proud of you guys!
jo: Yes Jolin... i heard abt it and am glad. BTW, a lil part of me wished i was in p. ubin with you now cos my dinner was cancelled. But another part of me is glad to have time to update my blog. Paradox. keke. nvm.
venod: THANKS! i felt so welcomed!

I see some changes in myself after the trip, in regards to:

speech-
"Keke" (another kind of laughter, it's like haha, heehee)
"Sherr?" (what?)
"Mei sher" (no problem)
"si hong shi" (tomato)
"tu dou" (potato)

eating habits-
using chopsticks to eat rice
loves tomato and egg! LOVES**
loves ma la *salivating*
loves to cook (inspired by lou)

lifestyle-
physical
waking up latest at 9plus AM evey morning
plan and schedule appts, more organised
more aware of time
cooking at home
spending more time at home
be a host and not a guest (taking more initiative)

spiritual
a greater dependance on God
a greater conciosness of God every moment
loves having personal time with God
becoming more aware of my feelings
loves talking to God anytime, anywhere, telling Him deep feelings that I can't even describe or sometimes can't even trace the cause, still, I know God knows what I'm trying to tell Him
loves asking God qns and waiting for His ans
loves reading His word and interceding and seeing Him work, even though somtimes He works in ways I cannot see with my physical eyes but He gave me enough conviction to say that something is happening in the spiritual realm
loves recording whatever happens between me, God and ppl
becoming more focus on things that really matter
able to hear Him clearer
more conscious and aware when i sin or when i'm abt to sin
increase faith in God- childlike faith, asking God anything that I lacked
becoming more real and honest with ppl
becoming more patient, accepting and loving to ppl whom i once find hard to love
desire to walk with God all the rest of my life cos it's just too wonderful

I thank God for His grace that He choose to reveal Himself so, so, so real to me, and the team during the trip. Indeed, His promise is so true, "You will seek Me and find Me, when you search for Me with all your heart" (Jer 29:13)

Thank Him that He choose to use us even though we are so weak and unworthy. "for My power is made perfect in your weaknesses" (can't rem the ref)

Thank God that eveytime we fall in sin, He will, by His grace and love, pick us up and make us worthy by the blood of the Lamb. "Yes, I have loved you with an everlasting love; Therefore with lovingkindness, I have drawn you" (Jer 31:3b)

Thank God for He choose to ans our qns and request. "Behold, I am the Lord, the God of all flesh. Is anything too hard for Me?" (Jer 32:37)

Thank God for revealing so much of my sins, dirts, impurities. "No one born of God will continue to in, becuase God seed remain in him; he cannot go on sinning becuase he has been born of God" (1 John 3:9)

Thank God for all the encouragement, assurance, affirmation and REVELATION (really, really learnt alot) "Call to Me, and I will answer you and show you great and mighty things which you do not know" (Jer 33:3)

Thank God for JOY in the team. "In Christ, there is fullness and JOY" (can't rem the ref)

There are more, so much that God has done in these 28 days. ASK ME! i'll flip my journal and tell you, but we'll probably need an hour so :)